2y ago

Say no to mansplaining

61 comments

I feel like "mansplaining" has lost all meaning. It used to be about men going out of their way to correct someone that didn't need correcting, particularly if they were wrong themselves, and most often with women. Now people use it on men just...saying things to anyone.
I get that people are touchy on the subject, and I respect anyone's right to not want or need help. I think how Mr. Solomon handled it was correct - ask if they want your input and respect their answer. It'd just be nice if people didn't use cultural memes to dismiss others out of hand.
- We used to call these people patronizing but it got gendered for some reason
  
  It's funny because "patron" in "patronize" comes from "pater" which means father.
  
  Yeah in my books, "Mansplaining" has never had proper meaning. It was just a way of blaming men for a particular behaviour, which is generally neutral to begin with.
  
  Because it's a specific subset of patronizing, where it wouldn't have happened if the target were not a woman.
- I'm pretty sure I had a woman mansplain something to me once in the meat aisle at Sam's when I was making a joke about a rib roast to my wife.
- Thought it was assuming someone you're talking to needs to be eli5 something like properly configuring a firewall. As a woman I always have to step on eggshells not to embarass guys doing that because every time I mention anything that indicates I have experience in IT and tech support they seem put off and stop talking to me lol... especially if then I try to share what I've done to fix an issue that has been plaguing say the office and they don't understand what I'm talking about. I think though intersecting into someone's conversation is very rude at least where I'm from. In public I don't expect to interact with a stranger unless they're about to warn me about a bobcat behind me lol. I don't interject in other people's conversations even though I may be knowgeable about it because who am I to them? They're having a friendly conversation and I walk up and go "xcuse me ma'am, actually, it was Jennifer Lopez that was being referenced in the taco kisses episode of South Park, not Shakira". Again, just awkward?
  
  Wow, they sound like some insecure guys lol.
  I get what you're saying about interjecting in stranger's conversations, but that actually happens all the time (initiated by men and women, to men and women) here in Canada. It's actually one of my favorite things about Canada! I've got into some spirited discussions with random strangers about all sorts of things, and bonding with strangers with immediate familiarity is something I've grown to really enjoy.
  Unless I'm in an introverted mood, in which case I just mumble and run off lol
  
  I have never liked the term. I am also in a technical role and feel like if I say anything to a women at work I will be yelled at.
  Like okay I had to go to speech therapy for years the very fact that I can talk at all is a miracle of medical science. Any other time in human history I would be effectively mute. So now I am working with someone, I have to not only figure out the answer to their question I have to spend all this effort to get my mouth to move to say the answer and if I explain it even slightly wrong I am an awful person who deserves to have their life ruined.
  I don't know what you don't know. Sometimes I am not going to simplify my answer not enough sometimes I am going to simplify it too much. I am going to make a mistake and for that I am sorry.
  Frankly I do avoid it because I don't want to be accused of something. If I don't interact I can't interact incorrectly.
  
  I definitely agree that you don't just butt into a strangers conversation in public. That's just weird.
  When it comes to tech though you have to at least get where those guys are comming from. It's not because you're a woman, it's because it's tech. You can't assume people know anything about tech otherwise you'll be half way through explaining the thing before you find out that the person you're explaining it to doesn't know what a right mouse button is and they think the internet is an icon on their desktop. You can't know what everyone else knows so the easiest thing is to assume they know nothing. If you work in IT or any other tech field long enough it's really easy to wind up talking to everyone like they lick windows just because that's the safest thing to assume until proven otherwise.
  As far as the IT guys avoiding you, they may just feel awkward for treating you like a window licker, or they may just be leaving you alone because now they know that you know what you're doing. I work in a different support job now but I still have coworkers that I don't really interact with because I know them and trust them enough to do most stuff on their own. However that also means that if they seek me out then something is very wrong and it's probably going to be a pain in the ass because if it wasn't then they would have fixed it themselves.
- You're just gaslighting us!
  :P
  
  Donner–Kruger effect in action.
- I feel like “mansplaining” has lost all meaning
  Yeah, they misused the term.
  Mr. Solomon handled it was correct - ask if they want your input and respect their answer.
  You forgot step #3! Not whine about it online.
  He offered, they declined, we didn't need to hear about it. The only reason we heard about it is because he felt slighted, or is trying to make some anti-feminist point. I'm sad that he felt bad, but not everyone is going to want the free stuff you're offering. That doesn't make them bad people, or feminism a bad movement.
  
  So if a female biologist who wrote a PHD thesis on the origins of RNA overheard some men talking about the origins of life and when the women wants to chime in because she is a subject matter expert, the men tell her they "don't need a black woman's explanation". And after being told this she is in the wrong for venting online? Please. Your just as sexist as the people you claim to be opposed to.
  
  It’s not anti-feminist to laugh at the irony of saying no to the MIB writer clarifying the origins of the story. It’s just a goofy story lol.
  
  It's a funny anecdote from the creator of Men in Black about being shut down for mansplaining the origins of Men in Black. Yikes.
  
  I never said anything about feminism or that they were bad. I'm just making an observation on the situation here. I also don't think it's unreasonable for a person to share an interesting personal experience on a forum designed to share exactly that. And he doesn't sound "slighted" to me. More amused than anything, because it's an amusing story.
  
  They could have ended at "No thank you." They decided to go all in on being an asshole to a complete stranger. They should have been called out.

I'm so petty I wouldn't be able to resist saying "Well I wrote it, but you know better than me."

"No Mansplaining" sounds more like an excuse to avoid a conversation you feel insecure about
- If you’re talking about the post title, I was being sarcastic.
  
  sure sure

TBH rudeness aside I don't know what Ed Solomon looks like either

Ed was sat next to two redditors it seems.

Rude.
- Yeah, pretty much the same as men back in the days telling a woman to shut up because she's just a woman. Now it's white males who are told to shut up because they're just white males. Same shit, different target.
  It sometimes feels like feminism and emancipation is not about freeing women, but to take vengeance for centuries of oppression on the white men who live today, regardless of whether they fit the pattern or not. It hurts to see that society does not seem to have learned from its mistakes. We're making them again. This time only in the opposite direction.
  
  Oh ffs stop playing the victim.
  
  Yeah, feminism and social institutions? now that's mansplanining. Heheheeh

Just don't explain anything and you don't have to worry. At work only interact with your own gender and never be alone with the opposite. Better to be safe than sorry.
- Don't ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.
- Wow. That sucks.

Seems like we white males are going to have a tough time, regardless of whether we're actually quite nice, fun and okay-ish, average dudes or the Next Big Predator Trump type asshole. The fact alone that we're white and male is obviously enough to be judged and disrespected.
- Maybe, but I'm certain we're privileged enough that we can take it and will be just fine.
  
  Until we're not anymore.
  I thought feminism was about equality.

61 comments