Who can relate?

I cannot, since I don't introduce myself as autistic at parties. I can't imagine anyone in real life saying any of these things to me, since by the time we are talking about neurodivergence they have already sufficiently filtered themselves to probably be the sort of person who wouldn't say these things. I don't make it a major part of my life or identity, and don't find it to be an interesting topic of discussion most of the time, except as a joke. My brain is different from other people's brains. That's fine. I have my own challenges and advantages just like everyone else. I work on the challenges I have without feeling the need to label them, and I try to appreciate the advantages when I notice them.

Idk, I'm not too broken up by it.

Replace with ADHD, and spot on.

"Why do you do x? You cant use autism as an excuse."

I'm one of the lucky people who has basically never had to introduce myself as being autistic, so no. And even then, I went through things like speech therapy growing up, so I can't say I really stand out too much when speaking normally to strangers.

You're just a lazy asshole.

That's my favorite