1y ago

Questions about people trying to help

FYI: I’ve got RP, with some very narrow, but still decent, central vision. But I need a white cane to get around safely. I’ve got two questions about people trying to help me get around. I live in the US:

Question one: when someone offers to guide me, I know the normal procedure is to grab one of their elbows. But I really prefer to put my hand on their shoulder, so I usually ask if that’s OK. Is there any advantage to me to using the elbow instead?

Question two: I’ve had several experiences when people don’t offer to help, but just grab me and push or pull. Not sure how to react, since they’re really just trying to help, but I don’t understand why anyone would do that without asking if it’s ok with me first

3 comments

First, the idea of holding the elbow is that you and the guide are walking with a more natural posture and communication can be streamlined through natural body movement. Give it a try.
Second, I go from gently and politely asking them to let go and explaining I don’t need help, to assertively ordering. It’s great to assume it’s all well-meaning ignorance, but you may end up needing to protect yourself.

I tell the grabbers to please not do that to blind people because it is very disorienting to be grabbed and pulled.

So for the elbow thing, the idea is, as stated, for it to feel natural. However, if there's a large height mismatch between you and your guide, the shoulder may be a better option. In the few occasions in my adult life where I was being guided by a child, I've opted for the shoulder; taking a small 10-year-old's elbow just might not be possible for you. Similarly, young children will generally take an adult sighted guide by the hand, because taking them by the elbow would mean reaching up so far for them that it's not effective or comfortable. As well, if you're walking in narrow or uneven spaces (like a hiking trail along a cliff), sometimes getting directly behind your guide and holding her shoulder is preferable, both because you're now directly behind rather than off to the side, and you will be better able to notice sudden changes in incline.
Edit to add: in general, I recommend making life choices that allow you to avoid having a child sighted guide. Just in case that wasn't obvious LOL. But sometimes things happen.