2w ago

We all need patience

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Read other comments... almost each and every one is a fucking moron. You know of a society with structures in place to help people gracefully recover from the kind of suffering that really twists psychological structure the hell out of any notion of "normal"?
Because I do not. So much so that so far I have not met a single psychiatrist whose competence I can trust (they must be out there somewhere, but I for one has failed to locate even one), let alone a network aimed at getting people out of traumatic experiences.
- I'm really surprised at the negativity. To me, this meme reads as "don't blame someone for emotional dysregulation/panic etc" not "allow people to horribly mistreat others".
- You don't have to be normal, just don't cause problems for others.
  
  Lol. You realize this is not possible?
  
  What a horrible thing to say and such a low-effort, disrespectful way to say it. Absolutely you can work to at least lower the severity of issues. Yes, some people will still find fault but that’s on them and if you choose to be a shitty person because “they’ll just get mad anyway”, or whatever other excuse you may find, that’s still on you.
  In what way is it impossible to not cause problems?
  
  Exactly how you described: whatever my action, it will become a problem for someone at some point of time. I can control my intent, I can choose to minimise negative impact for arbitrary receivers and time scale, but there is no such thing as not causing problems, unless we choose the "problems is only attitude, so no such thing as problems at all" standpoint
  
  Is there any way we can nail down your point a little better? It feels a little scattered.
  You start by saying that [nearly] everyone in the thread is wrong while talking about society as a whole can’t “fix” people with trauma. And then go after psychatrists for some reason, I guess because that would be society fixing them? All the OP said was that people with a lot of trauma can’t be responsible for helping other people pretend that everything is fine. I’m not sure I’m confident enough that I can see the link you’re trying to make.
  And then the way you’re going about saying that not being able to avoid conflict entirely is impossible makes it sound like you’re against even trying? And bud, my patience is also in the pits but I still try to do something, if not for other people’s sake then at least for my own.
  As someone who has been angry and bitter, and who is constantly “wrong” in the eyes of general, neurotypical society I think I understand where you’re coming from to a degree but I’m missing specifics enough to flesh out this conversation.
  
  Thank you for asking:)
  I came when there were like nine or so comments, most going like this: "oh, so you are for assholes hiding them being assholes behind their past trauma? What a shitty take". Hence my first comment, which in a boring language would have been this: spending a lot of time in a state where one cannot be comfortable for other people is damn expected, because there is virtually no network in place to help them recover. Good psychiatrists could be at least some means for that end, but alas, even they are scarce.
  As for the conflict - yes, only a fool can think it can always be avoided. So it is better to accept that you will be conflicting with others and look for better and more sensible ways to act.
  Now, after two denials (no, don't you dare to label everyone as just an asshole justifying their actions by their past and no, trying to not cause problems is not going to land you or anyone near you in any good spot), I feel like also sharing something that is actually what I am for: with all this causing/not causing problems bullshit dropped, only one questions remains: if this is the last thing I will ever do, am I still willing to do it? This is how I choose my actions
  
  "Being shitty and lashing out is just who I am"
  
  Thanks for pretending I said something I actually did not. Good luck and fuck yourself
  
  You're welcome for saying the part you refused to say.
  You're responsible for your actions.
- People just don't get that those structures aren't in place for you to recover from suffering, they're in place for you to be able to get back to work to generate profits for shareholders, everything else is just extra. Sane person is a productive person.
  2000 or so years ago if somebody acted up, they'd be taken out to the flower fields and capped with a rock, because that was easier.
  
  Oh, this touches another big wtf moment for me: people function best when they are well. Well-fed, well-educated, well developed (physically, mentally, emotionally), well-balanced and performing action out of their will. Want "productive"? - Then make sure enough resources are given and utilized well.
  But that is not how things are done in 99% of cases
  
  So much of what you will become as a person is dependent on your parents and upbringing, something the government very little control over, and no amount of therapy or counceling will ever undo that. So even with all the contengencies in place, people still end up being fucked up.
  
  Oh no, there is so much that can be done, even if we look at government alone. First thing first thought: true, there is a whole ton of stuff that is going to get imprinted in a person without their conscious control long before they have a chance to exercise said control, even with all the "proper" upbringing
  but
  where do a lot of kids spend a lot of time? - in school. reading books approved by the government, attending classes prescribed by the government (i.e. the kind of decisions that "mathematics should be taught to all, along with history, this and that kind of literature etc"). And when they leave schools and universities and start looking for job - they find one, working for companies that are also regulated by governments to varying extent. And outside of school and job, people still spend time elsewhere that "happens" to also be regulated by government to varying extent
  and separately
  people still end up being fucked up
  because they are not taught to handle their body and mind properly. The school did mention to me that eating healthy is needed, otherwise my body is fucked. It also mentioned I should also sleep well, otherwise my body is fucked. How about mentioning also how to deal with emotions? How to turn inward to see if whatever I am going through is actually just my imagination, and all the offence I've "taken" is just in my head, never actually meant by other people? Or how to deal with rude people, how to defend my freedom to feel and have a life unlike anyone else`s? There was no such education for me, but it can be provided to others
  also, separately
  no amount of therapy or counceling will ever undo that
  Undo - that may be, some things are so hard to undo that it would be simpler to erase the memory and build the personality from scratch anew (if such things were easily doable), but it is possible to make life into something beautiful even starting with a nightmare. That takes a lot, though

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