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  • You're finally awake in death row and then spend the whole adventure, shouting to others, trying to avoid knee injury

  • Upon being released from prison, you thrust yourself directly into the local religions and governments until everyone can agree that you're the rebirth of divinity, at which point you doom the game world to death by giant fucking meteor by poking a large heart with really specific silverware.

  • Kid gets sick of being told to clean his room and runs away from home, but it's more difficult than he anticipates. In desperation, he reaches out to his estranged relatives for help, which just makes his dad even more mad.

  • You're an alien frog archaeologist that launches themself into space in a rocket jerry-rigged out of wood and ancient alien goat-person tech. After dying repeatedly in several excruciating and brutal ways you learn to embrace death.

  • I married my cousin, had an affair with my sister and then joined a religious sect that requires me to be naked all the time.

  • You're supposed to be looking for your kidnapped son, but that's kinda hard in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Might as well just do whatever you want and hopefully run into him ¯(ツ)/¯

  • Incompetent engineer arrives to work late, botches an experiment, and ends up ripping a hole in the universe to a world full of "creatures". He then mercilessly murders the scared creatures while sabotaging efforts by security forces, and an elderly man in a suit, to resolve the situation.

  • You pull animal-like creatures from their natural habitats to make them fight each other in a way that they somehow consent, in a franchise that systematically weeds out the good ideas from each game while retaining the bad ones.

  • You settle a dispute between two snakes who can't agree on whether or not to turn off the light. Not as many swamp levels as the sequels.

  • You wake up in a quarrantine zone. Despite having no medical qualifications, you need to cure a global pandemic before you are permitted to leave.

    If you manage to succeed, your reward is your life saved and then more debt than you can hope to repay in a thousand lifetimes when you leave quarrantine.

  • It’s the pew pew game. You go pew pew and everyone is like aaaaargh, and then you take their stuff. Bigger guns, more pew pew.

850 comments