Elon Musk: your new Tesla will drive from the factory floor, to your house 'this year'

Aka they save on delivery costs and your new car racks up miles on your own dime before you even get to drive it.
- Imagine it gets into an accident lol.
  Who gets charged?
  If you thought insurance was expensive before....
  
  "we planned for this edge case, and have programmed the vehicle to quickly leave the scene of any accident where a driver is not present. by accepting delivery (by purchasing a vehicle) you accept that all vehicles are sold as-is. tesla insurance customers get half-off repair claim deductibles for the first 7 days."
  
  Surely it would be Tesla since you don't actually have possession of it, right? Right??
  
  Tesla “FSD” switches off seconds before an accident, so this will be interesting.
- Yeah, no.
  That would be true if any of this self driving shit actually existed, but it doesn't. Elmo lies. A lot. About everything. So this? He's just lying again .
  
  It does, and I've heard its safer than humans in some cases, but there's legal issues in the way. Like if a driverless car kills someone, who's fault is it?
- It’s not happening.
- If it waives the destination fee, then I don't see it as a bad problem depending on how much it would normally cost to deliver vs how many miles.
  
  Dealers: charge bullshit fee
  Mftr: "get rid of this bullshit fee by racking up miles right from the factory"
  Customer: "this is such a phenomenal deal!"
  
  It doesnt waive that fee because it is a federally required fee to be applied to all vehicles regardless of their... destination. Uhg.
- your new car racks up miles on your own dime before you even get to drive it.
  What? LOL You would prefer to coordinate to have someone drive you over and then drive it back home for the pleasure of...watching the miles roll over in traffic?
  
  Ever used your eyes while driving? You've probably seen those car transport semis loaded up with new vehicles, transporting them to dealerships.
  
  Have you never had something delivered to you before? Does the amazon driver pick you up and take you to the warehouse so you can personally pick up your package?

And also, who doesn't want hundreds to thousand of miles put against your warranty.
- Assuming there is any reality to this (big assumption), I assume you are looking at the distance to the nearest distribution center (so Tesla "Not a dealership for legal reasons"). So a lot closer to hundred than not.
  Mostly because Factory->House requires a lot of automated charging technology. Whereas Factory->Truck->Dealership->House still lets them take advantage of scale (a truck truck) and can go on a single battery charge.
  
  Yeah, I live like 10 miles from a Tesla dealership, about 1k from a Tesla factory. If having the car drive to me is cheaper than loading it on a truck and taking it to my local dealership, I'm fine with it having 1k miles.
  This is all hypothetical though. There's no way this timeframe is happening.
- The shortest distance between Tesla and your house is a full circle around the country.
  
  Also at the odometer rate of Tesla Miles, where the warranty runs out faster.

Anytime Elon says anything about Tesla with a timeframe, you can guaran damn tee that it will not happen within that time frame.
- If you double it, you might actually be somewhat close to hearing a believable date for the actual time frame.
  
  That's not going to be enough...the dude claimed "coast to coast" autonomous driving capabilities "by end of the year" back in 2016.

Earnings call is today
- Ah so more market manipulation… got it. Jesus I hate this douchebag.

Yet another lie.
The shareholders should sue.
- Tesla lost 6% of its value today so I'm sure Elmo felt compelled to find something to pull out of his ass.

He's always lied about the self-driving capabilities of the cars and promised timelines that have never held. Print this statement out and use it as toilet paper
- But what about my Elon Musk? Sorry, I mean sensitive anus.

Doubt

But who's gonna fix your wall?
- It does beg the question who pays the insurance until your get it the first time. I suspect you do though.
  
  Not only that, who will provide the cover.

He's lying again.
- You can tell because his mouth is moving.

Tesla will begin its roll out of its self-driving Robotaxi fleet in multiple US cities in the months to come, already taking appropriate regulatory steps in both California and Texas.
Anyone want to take bets on how many deaths/injuries will there be before they're pulled?
Infinite is valid all things considered.
- Anyone want to take bets on how many deaths/injuries will there be before they’re pulled?
  DOGE will make sure it won't be pulled. They'll shut down any administration that tries.
  This LiDAR tech vs Tesla video makes me wish Tesla will use LiDAR in their self-driving Robotaxi fleet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQJL3htsDyQ&t=556s
  
  They won't. Musk has a hard-on for doing everything with visible cameras for some stupid reason.
- Infinite is valid all things considered.
  Not really. I mean that would require a timeline where humanity is both stupid enough to keep Tesla around and survives indefinitely which is highly unlikely.
  
  Infinite just means it will never be pulled for causing accidents.
- Yeah, I don't bet w/ human lives, I'm not an insurance company.

Add it to the list
https://elonmusk.today/
- That guy is a) a relentless liar and b) absolutely insane Why would you say those things? Why contradict yourself at 20 days interval publicly?
- Didn’t know that list.
  Though, for all I hate the guy, there are a lot of misleading assertions in that list.

MY new Tesla? Doubt it. Considering I'm unemployed due to this clown administration and I don't tend to upgrade much of anything, let alone a vehicle, unless/until the old one no longer functions.
- hes also still a nazi-pedo associated with epstein too.

- I used to about some things, like when he talked about the how the spaceX rockets worked, but then he went insane. And now I've heard there's a pretty good chance that starship isn't gunna archive much at all, because its too heavy from the stainless steel they used to make it.

[NARRATOR]: It didn’t.
- Why is the narrator always Ron Howard in my head?
  
  Because these comments or their sentiment are usually in the style of Arrested Development
  
  It’s Morgan Freeman for me.

... Even assuming the self driving tech was actually capable of doing this, which is won't be...
How would this even make any sense?
Ok, if you live within about 200 to 300 miles of a Tesla factory, ... you have this option?
Fremont, California; Sparks, Nevada; Austin, Texas; Buffalo, New York; Lathrop, California.
Outside of 250 miles ish of one of those places? No self driving delivery for you.
... And I am pretty surr not all models are made at all those locations.
Despite long ago claiming his EVs and charger network would be capable of automatically recharging or battery swapping themselves... to make a long distance journey... that ... doesn't exist, he abandoned all of that.
Even funnier: Imagine a tesla self driving from the as of yet to be completed gigafactory in Monterrey Mexico... through the border checkpoint.
The auto charger network doesn't exist, the car would murder people, cause an accident or fucking explode in the border queue... and even if none of that happened... how in the fuck is a self driving car gonna get through a militarized border crossing?
If he just gives himself a waiver via DOGE for his cars... congrats Elon, you are now a drug trafficker / arms smuggler, whether you know it or not.
... fucking lunacy.
- He'll have a single car delivered this way, and there will be a Tesla robot in the driver's seat being puppeted by someone in the back seat of a Tahoe driving behind the car (they couldn't do actual remote because starlink doesn't cover the delivery area).
  They'll then awkwardly film the whole thing, interview the overenthusiastic stooge they hired to "buy" the car, and fly the mission accomplished banner.

'this year'
Sure, Elon. Lets get you back to bed.

- There is no war in Ba Sing Se sorta vibes

He forgot to give us the point values...
Ran Over... Reward Points...

Child 20
Cat 10
Dog 15
Adult 25
I wonder what they'll offer in the Tesla rewards shop
- Run over Reward
  
  CEO - 100000 points
  Edit: updated into a table to clarify that I meant MINUS 100000 points, Life of one CEO is much more important to (f)Elon than lifes of us peasants.
  
  Nah, Teslas will set themselves on fire with a family inside before it allows something like that to happen.
  
  Most popular user mod ever.
- You can request your payout at a minimum of 100 points
  Ran Over... Reward Points...
  
  18 wheeler 99
- AI trained on carmageddon

Ran Over...	Reward Points...
Child	20
Cat	10
Dog	15
Adult	25

Run over	Reward
CEO	- 100000 points

Ran Over...	Reward Points...
18 wheeler	99

Riiiiiiiight

will it fall apart while en route.

Press F to doubt
- F - You see it's even less likely for me to buy a tesler, than it is for them to be self driving.
  
  Don't be so sure about that. I mean you could be tricked into buying one, blackmailed into buying one,... but for them to be actually self driving would require Elon Musk to be correct about something and that is obviously fundamentally against the laws of nature.

This is such obvious BS. Putting aside that Tesla are always making claims about self driving that they can't deliver on, let's just consider the basic logistics of doing this for any customer who lives more than about 300km from a Tesla factory (of which there are two IIRC, and one of those is in Austin and the other is in Fremont)...
How the fuck is the car going to recharge?
It's not like it's going to plug itself in, and there are no staff at Tesla supercharger stations as far as I'm aware. With the range on a typical Model S even getting to LA might be tough if it gets stuck in traffic. Fremont to LA is just under 600km if you're lucky.
- It’s not like it’s going to plug itself in
  It could stop at Tesla "dealerships" along the way and have the staff plug them in, or have fancy robotic chargers at just those locations. Surely there are enough "dealerships" that this is feasible for most people.
  
  Nah, there's not that many. There's large swaths of the US where you have to drive across multiple states to get to one, in part for legal restrictions on dealerships

You will Nazi it coming.

No it won’t.

LOL my Tesla? Nonono. The possibility of me ordering a Tesla would require so much leadership refactoring at Tesla, I'm confident this is no longer a possibility.
To put it more sussinctly:
Fuck off with this bullshit ad headline. I wouldn't touch these swasticars if they jerked me off nightly

Is that a threat?

It's irrelevant because I'm never buying anything that piece of shit touches.

lol right. tesla cars can't even tell the difference between a painting on a wall and the actual road.

It can drive itself straight to the dump

Driver included
- It’s one of those robots that’s just remote controlled by some guy in a call center.

Later this year: "I was right, but I actually meant to say 'into' instead of 'to' and 'someone's' instead of 'your'"

Not my fucking house.

As if the far right folks will buy an electric car and Elon burned the bridges for buyers on the left.
- No, but the not as far right conservatives might. I have a cousin who bought one recently... I'm pretty sure it happened because of the Whitehouse yard sale Trump did with Musk.

I ain't buying that piece of shit if it offers blowjobs.

I don't want to be caught dead driving one of those fucking nazimobiles. I would not take one even if it were free.

Do people still care what this turd has to say?

"it drove right through my kitchen wall. And I hadn't even ordered one!"

Lies

lol they can’t even drive from the factory to the parking lot in their fremont facility.

Definitely not into my house, fucker.

Not because of advancements in technology, but because of erosion of regulations.

Next thing they’ll “say it will do your taxes and walk your dog”. Seriously this company is so unserious.

Factory Floor is in China.

Gotta save that stock price somehow. Activate investor bullshit machine.
- The "next year" promise of the year...
- Worked just a couple of months ago. Doubt it will this time.

Not if your home is not in USA, your new Tesla will have to pay Tariff and don't know how.

Enough musk spam...

Everyone: Hey, I've seen this claim before! Elmo: What do you mean you've seen it? It's brand new!

People still listening to the grifter and his endless promises?

Sure Elon. Here, have another hit of ketamine.

If they even try that it will look like that car chase scene from The Blues Brothers.

When a battered car with a mangled cyclist smashed through your wall
- OH YEAH !

... from the Tesla factory floor, through the ditches, crash through several loony tunes landscapes, over your neighbors' dogs, cats, pet turtles, children, and finally park inside of your house after crashing through your living room wall to add an additional car port you didn't know you needed! Here at Tesla, we insist cameras are superior in every way possible to LIDAR. Quality is significantly improved on object detection when paired with 3M MAXIMUM EXTREME Quality Blue Tape+ for a premium cost. Every new purchase comes with a free, permanently center dash mounted Hitl -I mean- Elon bobble head performing the awkward "throwing much love" gesture. 3M Blue tape non transferable upon sale of the vehicle. Tesla retains the rights to not be held responsible for any damages resulting in your choice of using personalized automated delivery. Void where prohibited, which is nowhere. CALL NOW!

Elon Musk: Your new Tesla will get into a serious accident and be totaled before it even gets to your house 'this year' (and you're still liable for it)