POV: you decided to look into your spouse's retirement accounts

I have long since accepted that there is little to no hope of me being actually able to afford retirement.
But my Hemingway account? ... $1.50, fuck, can't even take that route in 25 years.
- We don't have much at all, we're in our late 30s and have only kinda been getting our shit together for like 3-4years now. I work for myself so it's not entirely out of the cards if I play it smart.
  I just am new to like actually having enough income to have to think about it lol. First big boy tax season puts things in perspective

When I said I like hanging out with bears I meant whisky with gay men not economic collapse
- The reason it's called a bear market is that while twinks prosper under the bulls, financial stress makes them gain more body hair.
  
  Oh no, I can't manage to grow any more body hair than I already have! It takes so much conditioner!
  That reminds me of how a one night stand once woke up and thought they were petting my cat for a moment before realizing it was my chest.
  
  Makes sense they probably put on a few fron stress eating while they're at it

Don’t sell
Don’t try to time the upswing either
Best thing right now is to diversify, especially outside the US
- Don't sell is only good advice if the dollar holds value. Which at this rate, it won't, especially if Germany doesn't get its gold back.
  If it doesn't, the market simply won't recover because your currency will be worth as much as the original Salvadorian Peso essentially. At which point selling the stocks and buying Euros cash or Euro stocks would be the better option.
  It's good to remember many empires thought they would be eternal.
- Sound advice

I limited the losses in my (relatively small) 401k by rebalancing it about three weeks ago into mostly bonds and a few small cap/international funds... So far I'm only down about 4% instead of the total market's 14%. Still losing, yippee
- Yeah that seems like a sensible move that should've occurred to me earlier
  Oops
  
  It's honestly impossible to fully disconnect from the clusterfuck that's happening with the US markets due to the absurd tariffs. Like the person above says, you can mitigate it by going to more international funds and bonds, of which I definitely agree. However the US controls the global currency, and is the worlds importer, so every countries debt/exports is wrapped/linked to them, either direct or indirectly. That's why every nation is so nervous, and trying to find alternative trades like Macron is doing to compete with the F-35s sales in Europe, the orange twat has screwed the whole global in one fell swoop.
  
  Assuming you have at least 10yrs to retirement, that isn't necessarily a sensible move. Ok - so you've gotten out of equities to limit risk in the short-mid term. Great, you will lose less than if you were more exposed to equities.
  If you believe that the economy will recover, as it has every time a recession has hit, then you will need to get back into equities. That requires calling the bottom correctly. If you do not continue DCAing into equities as they fall and/or do not re-buy at less than you sold for, you will not benefit from the recovery. Essentially, you are solidifying your losses and potentially missing out on future gains - which can come at extremely unpredictable times.
  It makes more sense to ensure you're at your target allocation, then DCA like you always should be doing all the way down. Then you are at your accepted risk level and get to benefit from the economic recovery - which will come eventually. If you dont need the money soon, the best thing you can do (historically speaking) is hold on to your investments and just keep investing.