2d ago

Horses ARE Forever

And yet, unhitched from the menial task of transportation, the average horse today enjoys a far better quality of life than the average pre-car horse. Why? Horse girls. You see, now that the market demand for horses is no longer based on actual horsepower, horses can render the service of "just being themselves" for those who appreciate that most (in much more forgiving circumstances). In this way, horses truly are forever... and the real losers really are mankind. And its machines. In this essay, I will

Fuck Cars @lemmy.world

finitebanjo @lemmy.world

2d ago

Horses ARE Forever

89 comments

- I once thought I saw a real horse. Turned out it was just a unicorn that lost its horn
  
  I hear age can make you less horny.
- Like can you even imagine?
  
  It’s kinda weird that between unicorns, centaurs, giraffes, and horses, horses are the only made-up ones. Like come on, giraffes? Really? It’s a centaur with a dumb face, but instead of a chest and arms it’s just more neck?
- Yeah, living with !horseblindness@lemmy.world is really tough...

It doesn't make sense to use automobiles. Imagine having to build out paved roads everywhere and also set up stations along these roads to refuel. Just completely impractical.
- Right? It would be so much cheaper if we just used to the reinforcing steel to create thin tracks which we could put much more thermally efficient and eco-friendly wheels onto. In turn, we could carry exceptionally large loads of cargo or people over vast distances for a mere fraction of the cost (monetary) and a fraction of the cost (to the world) by creating long, highly aerodynamic vehicles capable of moving at ridiculously high speeds that would be uncontrollable for the average joe on the road.
  Wait, haven't I heard of something like this before?
  
  But people want the freedom that comes with having a horse. Maybe if we could put horses on the tracks and hook them up to each other.
- You can't negociate unprepared natural terrain at 120kph in any kind of machine or animal
  
  What about a flying machine?

- God, this image is cool. Very NaissancE, if you've ever played that.
  
  Is that the anime lady with the robots?
- The streets weren't a lot better when they were horse focused
  
  The physical design was somewhat similar but if you look at old footage from cities you'll see that walking on the street was completely normal.
  There didn't yet exist this idea that we have to leave 80% of the street exclusively for cars.

- That's rape horse from Berserk
  
  I didn't clock it at first but yes exactly
  
  Would you like to making colt BERSERKER

Equestrians are now free from menial labor and can focus on their Only Horse accounts.
- Did you have to säy this shit

Fun fact, there are more domesticated horses now then there were at the hight of horses being used as transportation. I found this out when a reporter asked Jay Leno, an avid classic car collector, if he was upset about the CA law that makes only EVs legal to sell as new cars in CA by a certain date. He said he totally approved of the measure, and that there was nothing to worry about for classic car collectors, and citing horse ownership rates.
- Hey I've been searching for solid stats about this. Are you sure? Because there used to be a lot of hotses!
  
  There are also a shitload more humans now. Even if number of horses per capita is lower, the fact that there are more people may compensate for that.
- Yeah, but there are a lot of neglected emaciated horses from people that shouldn't have horses.
- You sure about that? I found this graph [Source] for population of farm based horses.
  
  They only look at US based horses, but according to World Population Review the US are the top owners of horses, having 18% of them

Cars are just a scam made up by Big Horse to sell more horsepower without actually selling any horses

Hello, I am an internal combustion car. I can't go very fast unless the road is all paved, or very far unless you spend billions bringing fuel from thousand of kilometers to feed me. And if you drive me, people will think you're NOT gay!
- if you drive me, people will think you're NOT gay!
  Time for me to get a horse.

There are articles from before the automobile discussing the pollution problems with horses. Apparently horses poop, a lot.
- They do, but it's an easy fix. Just need a poop bag that catches it as it falls.
  
  Imagine a human being able to shit without stopping movement at any time, into a portable bag of feces.
  The mind shudders
  Such person would be too free from the shackles of humanity
  This cannot, it must not ever happen
  
  Also the infrastructure for getting rid of those bags...
  
  Or, do what the nearby horse farm does, just head to my neighborhood and leave the horse shit all over the trail and the road and people's yards!
  Seems kind of rude to me, but what do I know.
  
  Or, have the Cleveland Cavaliers win the championship every year and have this guy around https://www.nj.com/knicks/2016/06/watch_cavs_fan_eats_horse_poop_at_championship_par.html
- At least that's biodegradable

Fuck your Subaru I've a horse outside
- Who cares what time it is, I have a Rolex.
  
  Nobody drives in NYC there's too much traffic

Horses, the original automatic braking
- Self driving, too, provided you want to go where the horse wants to go.
  
  "Urgh, to the bar again? Highly irregular.... but oh well...."
  
  I keep telling my wife the auto functions in my A3 are like having a horse. Including the odd "oh I'm gonna brake for no reason because I got spooked, now".
  I fucking love it!
- Yup, in that they were very good and would fling ppl to thier death.

If cars are better than horses, why do horses still exist? Checkmate evolutionist
- Just because cars evolved from horses doesn't mean horses stop existing, only a portion of the horse population spilt off and evolved into cars

You can't even eat your car if it died or if you are hungry!

Mr. Hands enters the chat.....

Can you milk your car while breeding a new one?
- Time to try

Horses are superior. When your car break down, you'll starve to death. Horses, however... 😋
- have already starved to death because there's no food available within 5 standard miles, they tripped over a curb and broke their leg, and some shady looking feller keeps hanging around in the creek back yonder that looks at them shifty...

"Horses Are Forever" is also the poorly received first draft of Sean Connery's final Eon-produced James Bond movie.

In Italy we eat horses, so they are also farmed for food. I bet all the horses that end up on a slice of bread or a pizza would rather have pulled a carriage. Still they are a much less popular meat, I don't think horse farming is as bad as, say, pig farming, (for the horse I mean) because there's much less demand. "Frayed threads" (lack of better translation) of horse are pretty good with olive oil btw.

And they might come with their own included "truck nuts"
- Horses: proving that extra power comes with reliability and handling issues since 400 CE.

When your drunk, horse drives you home.

Bro there is LITERALLY an anime about horse girls
Humanity won
- Horses are only fast because of the shape of their four long legs. You can't just give someone a carrot and long ears and expect them to be a horse. That just makes them a cat rabbit.
  
  They have god-damned tails and superhuman strength for some reason
  We won, but at what cost?

"Hahaha" laughs in invasive species

What are you going to do, just destroy an entire farrier industry? Think of the economy we can't build roads to other cities when we need to take care of
<insert things we can work on fixing today without ignoring new frontiers and technologies>
.

This literally happened to my great grandfather in the late 1920s. He bought a car, got distracted by the sight of a pretty lady, and drove into a swamp. He was yelling "whoa! whoa!" and pulling back on the steering wheel while the car went off the road. That is what he had done his whole life to stop a horse drawn buggy in an emergency. He told my grandfather, who was riding with him at the time, that he could have the car if he could get it out of the swamp. He said he was going back to his horse and buggy because a horse wouldn't have run off the road into a swamp no matter what he looked at. He continued to use a horse and buggy for all of his transportation needs until he died in the mid 1960s. #FuckCars

Just wait a few years and it'll come true.

What's the oldest serviceable horse breed?

this is almost definitely a married to the sea comic that someone removed the watermark on. why would someone do that?
- Because it's being used as pro-AI hype BS. No idea what it's referencing here and now on lemmy where most people here are far less accepting of AI hype, but I've seen it used on the highly delusional Singularity subreddit. Usually followed by hundreds of comments from people making actual real-life plans for what they're going to do when the "artificial super intelligence" makes them wealthy.

Buy my nfts then.

It's missing Kelly and the statue of liberty crying (tears of joy this time)

Horse sellers were apparently shaking in their boots when automobiles were invented 😆
- One car dealer still in operation today is Normandin, who started out selling horse-drawn carriages.
  Smart business make a pivot to new technology.

Can anyone confirm whether this is true?

now that the market demand for horses is no longer based on actual horsepower, horses can render the service of “just being themselves” for those who appreciate that most
hmmm... contradicting the corporatist theory that technology/automation/AI has always resulted in more employment, the employment level of horses has decreased significantly... so let us all welcome those who will appreciate our use as glue ingredients.

frankly won't be surprised, if Tesla survives 30 years we're gonna see a Cyberhorse. big if. but yeah. and they'll be obnoxious too.

I'd rather have a ultralight carbon fiber donkey carriage

89 comments