how's your week going, Beehaw

i've been too plugged-in to trump news. i've banned myself from my primary source of that unhappy chaos, and will get it from a news outlet instead which is much slower and less ragey

i've gotten into audiobooks again, and that has done a lot to lift my spirits. i've plowed through the lord of the rings and am now listening to the silmarillion. i've found the silmarillion difficult to read, but much more accessible as an audiobook - and it's giving me a deeper appreciation of the lord of the rings

eucatastrophe, where art thou?

I feel like I should be good. I dragged myself to D&D on Thursday and then speed dating on Saturday, met a lot of people and had fun.

But as soon as both ended, I just felt hollow. I haven't texted anyone back because I don't think I can do friendships/relationships.

The day of the speed dates I got into an argument with my best friend. I guess I misunderstood something he said so my response made no sense. I thought I was spilling my heart and he just said, "what the fuck are you talking about? How the fuck was that your takeaway?"

And the fight was my fault, I fucked up. I don't think he was unfair. But I feel incoherent and annoying when we talk, and I don't think I want to make any more friends.

if i did two big social things in a week like that i would be pretty burnt out and possibly snippy with people. i'd need a bit of solo time to recharge before i could wear my social mask again

the statement by your friend here looks unkind without context
- Thanks ❤️
  
  I think it was unkind, but I also get why he lost his temper. Looking back I wasn't being rational, was doing relationship OCD stuff and being really frantic about it, too. He could've said the exact right thing and it wouldn't have helped. Been working on it, but I backslid hard.
  
  Gonna try not to take his words to heart but they did feel pretty bad for a little while.

Going well. I have committed to a exercise regimen and its helped my stress levels.

I'm doing mostly alright. Seeing a lot of friends lately which is great.

I've started playing the new monster hunter which - contrary to what I expected based on the reviews - actually runs pretty decently.

Also I'm looking for some new books to read. Maybe it's finally time to venture out of my comfort zone and start reading some of my wife's books 🤔

Today would have been my 18th anniversary had my first wife not demanded a divorce in the middle of the rehab -- on my 30th birthday -- she'd already demanded as a condition for not getting a divorce. But at least the geopolitical situation is rosy.

I’m sorry! How did rehab go?
- It was less than successful. My birthday fell halfway through the six-week program, and I went and got a beer after that call, then steaks with another client, followed by us being a bit closer than the program would have liked, as we were both graphic designers. I visited her for a week in Wisconsin the following month, with both of us telling our parents the other one bought the plane ticket. 2009 was a crazy year.
  
  Rehab doesn't work if you have nothing to go home to.

For the past two years I've been communicating with the planning board of the next town over, regarding supplying plants for them to redo the municipal plantings with genetically diverse natives. With the forest service suspending the tree planting programs using IRA funds, I am unsure whether their project is going to move forward. Here's hoping it does - we're one of a number of small nurseries who would've been tapped (hah! tree pun) for the project.

In other news, our six month old is figuring out standing on her own by holding on to objects. I'd say more but I have to go clear everything off of everything 🙄

What app are you using for note taking? Reading for fun or work?

Obsidian.md; for fun, although i do tend to write blog posts about the things i read
- I’m so mixed on Obsidian. I want it to be FOSS so badly.
- How long have you been blogging?

So far so good

I did a photoshoot for a local screamo band at the beginning of February, and sent the pictures off last Friday. The band got back to me with their first batch of proofs for parts of the album art on Tuesday and they're super happy about the shots I gave them. They're not going to use all of the shots I did but they do want prints of a few of them that they're not putting in the album art book which is cool IMO.

Also as part of the agreement to do the shoot I'm free to share the shots as long as I link back to the band.

So I'll be sharing a bunch of them leading up to the album's release starting soon.

Awesome :)

Woke up early for what I thought would be a legal contest over a lying highway patrol about a traffic violation. I've got receipts and a list of questions for his removedass. Turns out it was only an arraignment. Hardest eyeroll ever.

Going ok here, joined a Lancer TTRPG group on Tilde Town and also am trying to start a writing group somewhere online, probably at the same place, to encourage myself and others to write! I also joined a book club, again, at the same place! Finally, other than that, playing Monster Hunter Wilds a lot.

Meh? I'm a uni professor and I gave a subpar lecture. I really care so when I feel things don't go well, it hits me hard. I'm very tired and stressed and can see the same in my students.

I also want to fight back against the nonsense in my country; not sign holding, not performative nonsense, but can't find an outlet or ally. Its frustrating feeling powerless, seeing my students scared and suffering, and feeling useless.