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Normalcy during novelty, inability to direct what you do, abnormal circadian rhythm, and going for easy dopamine hits. This sounds like ADHD to me. Take a look at some symptoms and see what you recognize. If it fits, get diagnosed and medicated.
i'm sure most mediocre diagnosers would diagnose me as adhd but how do i find someone who wouldn't diagnose me unless i really need to be diagnosed? i hate to rely on drugs
One of the easiest tests is trying out meds and seeing if it works. Otherwise, call a few and ask how they diagnose and find one you're comfortable with. I don't know what else you want in terms of info there. I went through some tasks that tested certain aspects of executive function. I did not start out thinking I had ADHD, I was there for something else and my provider saw enough to suggest getting tested.
If you do have ADHD and don't want medication, you're going to have worse outcomes across the board. You'll have worse employment, worse relationships, shorter lifespan, etc. https://youtu.be/26V6LCbKXJU for more details on that.
what if it fucks my brain?
i used a few drugs. i still carry their side effect. i used a very little amount of steroids as painkillers a year ago. my eyes changed and never went back to normal. told the docs at the time and they didn't take any responsibility and they couldn't fix anything. shit like that happened more than a few times in different ways
science is an infant trying to be an adult when it comes to messing with human body
I'm not here to convince you. Seems like you already have your mind made up. Why bother asking at all then?