Why not let workers live in the office?

Oh, for fuck's sake. I started reading this thinking it was satire, and after it just kept going did I realize that this was serious, and not just some long-form ribbing.
- We really need a term opposite to "eat the onion".
  
  I really shat the yam on that one.

And pay them with company specific crypto they can spend in the company store.
- You push 16 branches, and what do you Git?
  
  Another day older and more tech debt

Corporations: "We will literally do anything to avoid giving our employees dedicated workspace where they can do their job uninterrupted."

in the key of G "and I sold my soul to the company stoooooooore"
- Glad to see someone on the same page. I read the title and immediately thought SAINT PETER DONTCHA CALL ME 'CAUSE I CAN'T GOOOOOOO

"No, no, no, it's not a company town... it's a company tower... which is completely different. By the way, did you meet Brian? He's the new manager of the convenience store the company opened in the lobby. It's right next to the company elementary school. You can use the company issued script to buy stuff there, it's great!"
- I'm sure it was your autocorrect, but for anyone who doesn't know it, the term is "scrip" :)
  Wait, I should type :( because it's a very depressing concept.

It happens, sometimes, if you're hiring someone to work in a remote location. Oil rig workers, say.

No. They are absolutely desperate to get people to return to office aren’t they?
I’ve said it many times now. The workhouses are coming back.

This reminds me of the Onion episode where the staff from two different car manufacturing plants fight for there jobs.

To actually address the question, it's because commercial buildings don't (generally) meet residential building code requirements, even if there's a kitchenette and a shower, etc. They are simply not meant for the same purpose or to be occupied 24/7 unless they were engineered that way from the start, which is exceedingly rare. A lot of office buildings have floor-to-ceiling windows and complex HVAC systems simply to make sure people aren't cold, breathing stale air, or too humid/dry, so they also use a lot of energy.
- Also fire safety, if you have people sleeping in the building you need a much higher level of protection.