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  • I can vomit on command at most times without sticking a finger down my throat etc. I feel like that scientifically inaccurate dinosaur from the original Jurassic Park.

  • I know how to do home canning, and making sure it's safe. I just don't get to do it often because it's energy intensive on the me so it's something I do about twice a year.

  • What I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

    I am able to recite toy commercials and obscure TV theme songs from 90s kids shows with surprising accuracy, many decades past consuming them - Crossfire, Creepy Crawlers, James Bond Jr. Denver the Last Dinosaur... I'm your guy. I don't watch these things deliberately to learn them and haven't seen them since organically seeing during childhood, they just start playing in my head on the smallest triggers, music and lyrics, verbatim.

    This is what the inside of my head is like, all the time

    1. marshmallow roasting (I can perfectly control the level of browning on the outside and melted-ness on the inside)
    2. paper snowflake making (I can make them very intricate and come out exactly how I visualize them)

    pretty shit at everything else though. I fat-fingered my skill points allocation hard.

74 comments