if I share interests with a woman and we’re both single and I’m attracted to her why would I not want to ask her to be my gf?
would not drop a relationship if she turned me down but would prioritize any future gf over her, same with a dude barring a massive discrepancy in years known
I have seen this play out first hand and the woman friend then got jealous of the new gf lmao, personal experience says women still want to be your focus even when just ‘friends’
if I share interests with a woman and we’re both single and I’m attracted to her why would I not want to ask her to be my gf?
Any number of reasons. Most of my female friends I've realized full-well that we simply wouldn't make a good couple from the start. But I love them dearly as my friends.
handwave the attracted part to mean good fit and not just sexually appealing
so the greeks break down friendship into a number of groups and most women I’ve met that became friends have been ‘fellow voyagers’ so not much shared interest keeping long standing ties
so assume limited time in your life, what exactly do you do with these dearly loved women that don’t make relationship material? do you share hobbies?
Wow this is fantastic!
Girls deserve to have good friendships with guys without having to take up mammoth-hunting!
Taking up mammoth hunting to befriend a guy in pursuit of a platonic friendship is 100% the worst way to go about it.
If a woman presents any man with the opportunity to hunt an extinct megafauna with her, she is absolutely the most desirable mate possible. The amount of effort she would have to undertake would be a clear sign she is interested unless it is presented as a group activity.
I have a ( I can't say girlfriend, I can't say lady friend and I don't want to say female friend because it sounds neckbeardy) friend who has this issue.
She much prefers having guy friends but the single ones often start to show signs they are interested in dating her when she is just looking for friendship.
I'm one of the few guy friends she has that has not tried put the moves on her. She's invited a few of us to a games convention over the years and both the other guys have been dropping hints at their intentions and she wants none of it. These are guys she has been friends with for years, and the two most recent ones have been from my home country as well which annoys me. She doesn't seem to be able to take us out anywhere without issues.
Her and I get along well, very similar interests, hobbies, and views but we have no interest in each other in any intimate way. My mother absolutely loves her.
Where I am from, a lot of people just assume a guy and girl cannot be friends. Something has to be going on between them. I've always had gal friends? and every time someone has assumed something is going on and it never has.
A lot of people used to tell me growing up, that I should make friends with a girl first and then 'upgrade' to a relationship. Yeah no I don't like that, seems underhanded, but sure it could happen when 2 friends develop feelings for each other but don't go into a friendship expecting more.
not wanting to be someone's friend or partner are both equally valid. I don't know what the fuzz is all about
The fuzz is about people not being up front about which of those they’d like to be and the resulting conflict.
Never really thought too much about the friendzone thing, but this is pretty interesting read from the "friend's" perspective. Not sure what to make of it since I haven't been on "open markets" for many many years and I'm basically friend-zoning everyone and there's no expectations for anything else, but happy to have read it
It's a phenomenon that's always puzzled me a bit - the concept of the 'friendzone'. Who is out there pretending to make friends in the hopes of getting a girlfriend? If the motivation is carnal, surely there are easier ways to get laid; if the motivation is romantic, surely any friendship valuable enough to be worth considering girlfriend material on is also worth preserving on its own merits if the friend doesn't want to go any further? I suppose I understand if you've accidentally and quietly fallen madly in love and your heart is completely broken, but that hardly accounts for how widespread complaints about being 'friendzoned' are.
It's just bizarre. We socialize my gender so fucking poorly in our society.
I think it can happen for a number of reasons.
One is that location plays a distressingly familiar role in romantic relationships (we fall in love with the people who happen to be around us). Another is that casual intimacy goes out of the window for many boys after a certain age - their friends and family have stopped touching them, so if a girl treats them as they normally would another female friend, and does something meaningless like gently squeeze their elbow, it's the most amount of intimacy the boy has experienced in a while, and it gets elevated beyond its intent.
Its just not that binary and people change their minds (intentionally and unintentionally). Let's say you meet some people and you're not sure if you'd like to date any of them, but you at least know you'd like to get to know them and hang out more. Then after getting to know them (likely in group settings) you then realize that you'd like to date one of them. Then you get the courage to ask and they're not interested and just wanted to be friends. Sprinkle in some apprehension here and there and then you have the meme. It's not as black and white as immediately categorizing people you meet as "friend" or "carnal" and then sticking with that label forever. None of this is static and we're all just making it up as we go.
I've the exact problems with horny girls towards me who just wanted to be friends.
And like, if we're talking about sex, who do you think it hurts more to straight up say "I don't want to fuck you", men or women?
Just like the poster paints men, men are thought of as wanting to have sex with everything two-legged from chickens to ladders.
Nope.
And I'm a rather social dude, and Finns aren't particularly social to begin with, so I often enjoyed female company more than male if we weren't actually doing something (driving, playing, shooting) and just sitting and talking.
Because of the way I acted (best not get into that it'd be a novel or five), eventually they went, "uh, guess we'd just best be friends then", but it took a while for them to get to that point. And when they do, they don't actually mean it. Many think they do. A couple have. Most have not. Those who only think they mean it or even just say it in a hollow sort of way, they're basically just saying "oh, well, I guess I should get over you then".
Like yes, please do, and try to do it in a way that you could still be my friend. But usually it kills... something.
But I can't straight up tell a girl "I understand you're into me, but I'm sorry, I'm not into you, can we just be friends?
Even just reading that — no matter if you don't know what sort of a person I am — you probably thought "what an arrogant dick" It might sound neutral on text, but idk perhaps it's a language barrier, as that seems polite enough to me now that I write it in English, but it sounds so rude in my accent in Finnish. Or perhaps it's a localised issue. I haven't lived abroad unfortunately.
I'm literally more likely to find a woman my wife would be willing to share me with than one she will accept as my friend(and they cannot, either way, be anything close to a peer to her... 🙄 ). The third-party dynamics between people in general are often pretty fucked, but women in relationships with men, omg.
It's funny that you never see this post with opposite genders. I've never once seen a guy complain that all women in his life wants to be his girlfriend..
To answer your post. Yeah I think that's just how it is. I don't know a single guy that has female friend(s) he hangs out with on the regular. We're generally not interested in that.
To answer your post. Yeah I think that’s just how it is. I don’t know a single guy that has female friend(s) he hangs out with on the regular. We’re generally not interested in that.
y i k e
I know a guy who complains about that. But it only happens to pretty people.
