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if you've had or have anger issues, how did you become a better human?

some people trigger me so easily it's scary. Most of them are loud, lazy coworkers that somehow piss me off very easily.

Is this a normal reaction to morons?

it's not like I want to punch them, I'm simply relaxed and work better when I don't have to see them. They slow me down.

73 comments
  • I get super pissed when my shitty laptop and/or internet connection slows to a crawl while I'm working from home. It feels (irrationally) like a betrayal. It's my stupid work equipment hampering me when I just want to get shit done.

    I usually fly off the handle and curse a blue streak while rebooting everything. Sometimes I think it's AV or bossware slowing me down.

    Seems to happen at the worst times, too. Like when I'm trying to fix something important, and am already under time pressure.

  • Ok, so this is a bit weird, but... I am set off by businesses or management that make patently terrible decisions - especially if I work there. I can barely hold it together in a meeting without shouting like a lunatic. I bottled it up until I started to lose my hair (not recommended). I eventually left to start my own business, where other people can rail about my poor decisions. Not everyone can/should start their own business, but you can look for another job that is a better fit for you. Remember when you interview, you are looking for cultural fit as much as they are looking for an employee.

  • I realized the hard truth is you don't get mad at shit you don't care about. And suddenly a lot of shit I got mad at felt really fucking stupid.

    I also learned to take a deep breath before I act in anger, and it often calms me down enough to find a better solution.

  • Why do you assume I am now a better person? In my defense, I have BPD. It takes nothing to shift my mood, and my emotions are cranked to 11 at all times. The best way to control my rage is to get the fuck away from what's pissing me off.

  • In many cases, I think you need to figure out what (sources) is making you angry and trying to alter or remove that influence such that you are insulated from it. Anger should be listened to altho not necessarily the last word or sole authority on anything.

    Anger is meant to protect you from being further harmed or taken advatnage of. It pays to consider what it is telling you and use it as a compass as well as an anti-compass in terms of who you should be involved with and who is problematic for your well-being

    You gotta get yourself insulated to thr point that any further incursion is basically the perpetrator or associate stabbing themself in the own dick. You gotta get that shit happening on their dollar and time, not yours. Thats the only way it ever stops

    Its all about easing them into consequences and you being insulated from it. Always insulate, help/force them off the boat into the sinking lifeboat with sharks at the ready to ease them into their destruction and elimination while you delicately whisper reassuring words into their hearts while ushering their transition home or wherever they belong (the place you take the liberty of determining in their stead for them).

    Its a decision only you can be trusted to make for them but in time they will come to adjust to their new reality you're helping shoehorn them into

  • When I get angry at someone online, I mute or block them

    When I get angry at someone IRL, I walk away and put physical distance between us.

    If it happens often and I cannot put distance between myself and the other person, then I take a few days to think about what made me angry and I draft a letter explaining my feelings and what are my needs to prevent it from occurring again. If it keeps happening, then I make changes to my life so I dont have to see them.

  • I started therapy and my therapist helped me see that my fucked-up childhood left me with lots of triggers, which we examined. Understanding those triggers reduced their power. I also now understand I can leave stressful situations before I blow up. I don't have to constantly mask.

    So, therapy. It's awesome. If your first therapist isn't a good fit it's ok to find another one.

  • Started thinking about if something will affect me in 8 minutes, 8 hours, or 8 days. Now i only get mad at things that will affect me for 8 days. My anger is from combat so it’s unreasonable which makes it easier to ignore now that i’m aware of it.

  • Removing / migitating sources of stress and anxiety. I was known at work for my regular expression of anger, and if it wasn't that it was sarcasm. Had a 3 month rehab after crashing really hard, and the "observers view" of my life at home made me see what had to change. Similar progress could be made with a good therapist, will take more time tho.

73 comments