if you've had or have anger issues, how did you become a better human?

Stoicism helped me. The dichotomy of control.

"You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you'll find strength." -Marcus Aurelius

Basically everyone is responsible over their own thoughts and actions.

Honestly? The serenity prayer.

Give me the strength to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Yes it's pithy, and I'm pretty sure there's nobody, other than me, granting me strength. I use it more like an affirmation and a test. Can I control this? No? Then I let it go. If it's something I can change, I ask myself what's the most humane way of doing so? For example yelling at people and insulting them isn't very humane and isn't likely to result in change.

Another thing I actively try to remember is that people are not puppets. They have their own mind and their own agency. If they refuse to change then the problem gets let go. Life is too short to let other people's behavior bother you unless it's putting you at risk of being physically hurt. If none of this helps then removing yourself from the situation or breathing exercises might help.

I'm not some happy clam either, I struggle with this stuff everyday. Anyone who looks at my posting history can see me struggle with it. But this is the approach I've had the most success with.

On the off chance that you actually have a problem with audio processing, (loud or unexpected noises/talking triggering anger etc), you might try noise cancelling headphones.

I've had similar strong reactions to other things. In my case, I had some unresolved trauma that I wasn't even consciously aware of until I worked through it with a therapist. Not necessarily the case with you, but it might be worth talking to a professional if you have the means.

That being said, every office seems to have obnoxious coworkers (that's pretty much the premise of The Office, and why it did so well). And that can be annoying for sure. For me, I try to not take my work overly seriously, and I try to remember that others might find me obnoxious at times too.

Not likely to help but for me it was joining the military.

Between the training I received and the situations I faced, nothing in civilian life has really been able to effect me.

It's been 25 years since I left the service and I can count on one hand the times I've actually been angry about something.

I transitioned...

Ok, so this is a bit weird, but... I am set off by businesses or management that make patently terrible decisions - especially if I work there. I can barely hold it together in a meeting without shouting like a lunatic. I bottled it up until I started to lose my hair (not recommended). I eventually left to start my own business, where other people can rail about my poor decisions. Not everyone can/should start their own business, but you can look for another job that is a better fit for you. Remember when you interview, you are looking for cultural fit as much as they are looking for an employee.

I get super pissed when my shitty laptop and/or internet connection slows to a crawl while I'm working from home. It feels (irrationally) like a betrayal. It's my stupid work equipment hampering me when I just want to get shit done.

I usually fly off the handle and curse a blue streak while rebooting everything. Sometimes I think it's AV or bossware slowing me down.

Seems to happen at the worst times, too. Like when I'm trying to fix something important, and am already under time pressure.

Why do you assume I am now a better person? In my defense, I have BPD. It takes nothing to shift my mood, and my emotions are cranked to 11 at all times. The best way to control my rage is to get the fuck away from what's pissing me off.

Stopped being poor. My family instilling a poverty mindset meant stuff breaking led to many negative emotions. If you stop caring about how much that can ruin your financial situation, that's a massive reduction in stress and anger.

Sometimes it helps to feel bad for someone instead of being angry at them. I think of Gandalf’s quote from LOTR:

“Frodo: 'It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill Gollum when he had the chance.'
\ Gandalf: 'Pity? It's pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment.”

For me, it was a number of things that all came about through my 20s. The biggest were learning both how and when to tell people "no", and making a conscious effort to think proactively rather than reactively.

What I mean by that is don't take on extra work only because someone asks you to, and if something goes wrong, only worry about it if you can actually do something about it. Both of these are skills that require practice.

Also, as others have said, think critically if it might just be a shitty work environment. If that's the case, consider looking for other work while keeping this job.

Human behavior is statistical. Everything you can think of there is someone doing it. Accept this fact and stop looking for normal and you’ll feel more peace.

Know that the reaction you have to their behavior is a “you” thing. The way you feel is certainly based on some past trauma or frustration. If you can figure out what that is and work in it, you’ll be free.

Drop caffeine. Seriously, that took me from reacting like the hulk to just getting flushed in the face (in most cases...I still flew off the handle sometimes, but like less than 20% compared to before). Next step that helped then was getting a non stimulant medication for ADHD, but that may not be needed for you.

Notice when your teeth are clenching and muscles tensing, then consciously relax all your muscles.

It doesn't help with the cause of the anger, but it really reduces the need to retaliate.

You don't have anger issues, you have a toxic work environment issue.

In many cases, I think you need to figure out what (sources) is making you angry and trying to alter or remove that influence such that you are insulated from it. Anger should be listened to altho not necessarily the last word or sole authority on anything.

Anger is meant to protect you from being further harmed or taken advatnage of. It pays to consider what it is telling you and use it as a compass as well as an anti-compass in terms of who you should be involved with and who is problematic for your well-being

Honestly, watching and thinking about the Pixar movie Inside Out helped me understand my anger a lot better. In the movie, Anger is kind of a joke character. But there's a line when he's introduced where Joy says "Anger wants things to be fair."

I think a lot about how when I'm angry, most of the time there's some imbalance that I want balanced, and I'm looking to inflict pain, either physical or emotional, in order to balance it out. The vast majority of times, that's not actually a winning strategy, either in terms of long or short term goals.

It doesn't always work, but trying to think in terms of what I actually want, why I want it, and what impulses and aims are leading to my feelings, has been a lot of help to not feeling so much like I'm being helplessly driven by my anger.

i bought a laptop that's made out of metal so that i can smash it all i want and it's still broken

When I get angry at someone online, I mute or block them

When I get angry at someone IRL, I walk away and put physical distance between us.

If it happens often and I cannot put distance between myself and the other person, then I take a few days to think about what made me angry and I draft a letter explaining my feelings and what are my needs to prevent it from occurring again. If it keeps happening, then I make changes to my life so I dont have to see them.

Started thinking about if something will affect me in 8 minutes, 8 hours, or 8 days. Now i only get mad at things that will affect me for 8 days. My anger is from combat so it’s unreasonable which makes it easier to ignore now that i’m aware of it.

It sounds like there is some other sort of resentment at play here. Is there some other underlying attribute the coworkers who annoy you share? Example: Are they friends outside of work and you are not? Is it a racial or ethnic difference? Look for the reasons why they specifically “set you off” and address those biases. Try to better understand them as people first.

You say they are lazy - is it your job to police them at work? If not, then do your work and get promoted. Then you can actually do something about it. Until then, back off unless they prevent you from doing your job. Maybe when they see you are doing better than they are, maybe they’ll follow your lead.

If you want to be a leader, lead. Be the change you want to see. Take pride in yourself and your work, inspire others.

Anyway, ask yourself those questions and be honest. If you are troubled by the answers, start there.

Hope this helps

What do you mean by trigger you. How do you react? How does their behavior actually affect you?

I have pretty severe anger issues caused by my shit life and the seemingly rapidly deteriorating state of the world. Rich people and abusive corporations piss me off more than I can describe. Unfortunately a lot of other things can piss me off too, and I get so angry I'm completely useless.

I've tried different therapies and many drugs. It's bad out of relationships, and bad in them. I'm fairly certain the only thing that will help is slowly aging out of it, or quickly dying.

Thankfully I am substantially more fucked in the head than the average person, so I assume there are better ways around it for most people.

Just remember none of us have free will.
Truly grocking that, makes anger at a person as sensible as anger at a wall.