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Should I quit my job?

Edit: I have to commute 1,5 hours oneway to get to work. HomeOffice is allowed 2 times a week. So I am leaving when my son is still in bed and come back when he is in bed again. Thing is, the money is good and the job is kind of a dream job for me.

Edit2: Wow! Thank you for your comments. These are exactly the thoughts Inhad in my mind, but couldn’t point my fingers on them. Unfortunately there is no way to get more days wfh, because high management says so. So i came to the descision to either ask for part time or get the new job asap

54 comments
  • I think you should look into trying to move closer to where you work. If that's not possible then look for a different job, set it up first, then go ahead with quitting this one.

  • It’s a tough market at the moment, so it’s never a bad time to start looking, but I wouldn’t quit until I had something in hand

  • For me a few factors would be prevalent, I'd have several questions to ask myself.

    1. What type of commuting? If you're driving, that's a very large time sink of 9 hours a week with little opportunity to do anything worthwhile with it. But if you're on a train, then maybe you can work some entertainment and enhancement into your commute time because you have the gift of attention, and that time wouldn't go fully to waste. Buy a Steam Deck and play games on the way in and home. Or bring a novel to read. Or find some professional development materials online to bring with you, and skill up as you travel. Anything but allowing that time to bleed into the void.
    2. Might your company be open to giving you more home working time? Even three days at home weekly versus two is a HUGE quality of life difference. One day office, or fully remote, even better still. If your role definitely doesn't have to be physically there, and you would save your company office space for other uses, you may be able to make a pretty good business case, if you can find the tangible wins for your employer.
    3. Failing all that, I'd check around to see if I could land a similar role at a different company that allowed full remote or less office time. Even if you take a slight pay cut, remember that reclaiming that commute time is valuable (both in the time itself and the lessening of expenses, like wear and tear and fuel for a vehicle, or 150 round trip train tickets and external lunches a year, et cetera) and should be weighed into what you're "really" making.
    4. Above all, if you decide a change is in order, have your new thing lined up first. The economy is tightening almost everywhere right now and if you're unemployed, it can take quite a while to get a preferable new job lined up. Do that work on the side while in your current job if you decide to do it.

    Apologies for the book, this is just fresh for me, I was doing all of this analysis up until a few months ago, when my company pivoted from three days a week in the office (which was wrecking me) to two days a month, solving my dilemma. We're obviously not the same people with identical lives, but I thought some insight from someone who'd recently had the same situation might help. Best of luck to you!

  • If your employer would not want to lose you, think about what would make it work better for you and then talk to your manager. More days WFH, or shorter hours on days you're in the office, or a big fat relocation package, or whatever works for you.

    If they can't/won't help, don't quit until you have another job lined up. Make sure they know it's why you're leaving.

  • Can you bump the morning start for a late start, and just finish later? Would it reduce the commute time by being off peak? Having mornings with your son is not bad.

  • If there's no business reason to have you in the office (other than bums on seats, which is a terrible business reason), maybe ask if there's any way you can do four WFH a week? But definitely start looking for a new job, and remember, it's easier to get a job if you already have a job.

  • Is moving closer to your work not an option?

    • Unfortunately no, just bought a house

      • Wait…you just bought a house 1.5h away from your good paying dream job? WTF is wrong with you? Bail on the house, eat the loss and move closer.

        Okay, that said, I was in your position 20 years ago. It wasn’t my dream job and it wasn’t great pay, but it was a field I was moving into and it was steady work. I found some land an hour away from my job and built my dream house from scratch. FF two years, I’ve got an 8 month old and I’m in your boat with the evenings and mornings and never seeing her.

        After some number crunching I quit my job and opened my own business. In my first 8 months I made nothing. I burned through the 10k in savings and startup money and another 10k I’d made doing jobs. In my second year I grossed 60k - almost enough to replace my salary, not including any benefits. We were living off my wife’s salary for that time. By year 4 my wife quit her job to work part time for me (accountant) and rest of the time be with the kid. Got our asses kicked in 09 and spent all my salary on my employees (still had to drop one) and three years later things were okay but I closed the office and moved to work from home as a single consultant. The last decade has been wonderful and the clientele and self determination means I’m around for pretty much every event DD does. I’m still middle class (call it 75-80th percentile) - no new car in the drive, sold the dream home to move into a small 1960s house in town to get a better school district. Life is good and I’m glad I didn’t stay at my job.

        I was lucky and nobody should ever underestimate how much luck goes into success. You having a good paying, enjoyable job. That’s pretty damned lucky. Think hard before rolling the dice but if you do - may the wind be at your back.

  • I live in The Netherlands and the commute here is about 1h, when I leave after rush hour. We have a requirement to work at least 2 days from home (higher management) and a request from direct management to work 2 days at the office when possible/workload allows it. Management here already noticed that productivity is higher when working from homeoffice, they even told us that when we want to work, we should do that at home. ;) (Office days are for meetings, so we can forget getting any work done)

    What I do is during home office days is work a tad more, so I can make the office days a tad shorter, to compensate for the commute. Also, it's safer to drive outside rush hour, as it's a lot less stressing. Also I try to work from home as much as possible, which is allowed. The restitution for commuting is less then the actual costs, so it saves me time and money, more then working parttime would.

    I would try to arrange that you'll be at the office 1h less on office days and compensate that during homeoffice days, although that's kinda hard with 3 office days and only 2 homeoffice days. Also, keep en eye out for a job that's more a dream to you then kinda a dream. No job is important enough to have a part of it stand in the way of your private life. Companies are usually a lot less loyal then employees. Most people work to provide a living for themselves and their families, not to keep them away from the family.

    BTW never, ever, quit before you have something else. When a new company wants you, they can wait for the notice period. (and it sets you back when you apply for a job from an unemployed state)

  • Even if you don't quit now, you have to realize this isn't sustainable. Make a plan for when you need to leave by, and work torwards it. It may be a month, a year, or 5 years. But the fact that you're considering leaving means this ISN'T a dream job.

  • I'd definitely look for a new job closer. If anyone has recently left, you might be able to talk to them about it.

  • I have about an hour drive to work, so 2 hours a day just driving. The drive is not bad at all, not a lot of traffic and no interstate. I listen to podcasts about everything with those 2 hours. Or books on tape. It never really feels like an hour when I have entertainment to listen too.

  • We have an obligation to show our children happiness can exist in a work life balance.
    Could you be happier with your balance elsewhere? This is really the only question to answer.
    I'm away from home now than my husband, but I'm day happier in my job than I've ever been in my life. My happiest work life balance is being happy at work. When I'm off I'm more likely to spend meaningful time with them now, than when I was home more often, but absent from the moment because I was depressed with my life over all.
    Do you have balance? Honestly, if seems like you do because the loss of either of both seems to cause you distress. But this is only one person looking in

  • I'm a little late to the discussion but as someone who use to have a similar commute (albeit as a college intern) and had no WFH option, I'd start looking to either move closer or change jobs. If it's your dream job, it have to decide if it's worth the sacrifice. For me, I'd rather have a shorter commute and work a job I didn't like as much but I have coworkers now who don't mind the drive.

    Ultimately, it's up to you. Make a pro con list, talk to your significant other if you have one. I'll also give you the advice that my dad gave me that has guided my career. The first is "the best time to look for a job is when you have one." The second is "sometimes it's worth a pay cut for your sanity if you can afford it."

54 comments