1w ago

How are you preparing your family for the inevitable, life insurance/will/etc?

My girlfriend's mother just passed unexpectedly this week. She hasn't updated her will since the mid 80s, she had no medical directive, and seemingly did not have her life insurance long enough that they would cover anything, they are just refunding what she has paid to the present.

This has us both thinking about getting ourselves set up properly just in case. We haven't paid it much mind until now as we don't have all that much, and no kids, but now that we are seeing the difficulty not having those things brings when people least need added stress, we want to start pursuing it.

What have you done to prepare your family for these types of events and how did you determine what sort of insurance and plans you needed for your situation. Also have you ever either had to deal with a relative leaving no plans behind, or did someone do something that made the situation much easier?

48 comments

Rule 5. Locking. Edit unlocking subject to rewording.
- Ok, updated the title and reframed some things. I think we should be good now.

My (unmarried) partner and I went to a lawyer together. The lawyer walked us through everything. We're basically leaving things to each other, with backups in case that's not an option. We have a special clause for who gets the dog if neither of us can--pup and some cash goes to a good friend, and we checked with friend ahead of time.
Lawyer asked us for any relatives we'd like to specifically exclude from inheritance, and she wasn't judgey at the length of our lists.
We're also each other's health care powers of attorney and decision-makers.
I recommend doing this at a lawyer if you can, it makes things much less stressful.

The only advice I have is talk to an attorney about your girlfriend mom. Refunding the premiums sounds shady as hell.
I used to be a life insurance salesman. I’ve never heard of a company saying they wouldn’t pay because you didn’t have the life insurance longenough.
- Sounds like you were a salesman either more than fifteen years ago or you didn't have access to sell predatory products. This too has been slowly enshitifed since the partial repeal of Glass-Steagall and the Interstate Banking and Branching Efficiency Act.
  
  Both actually.
  Got the license about 2005 let the license go about 2015 . Not mentioning the name, but it was a good company to work for.
  Had good product. You pay one premium you were covered.
- They are dealing with the attorney already, as her mom had rental properties and a business in the middle of being sold, and a special needs dependant, so there is a huge list of things we need professional help navigating. I didn't seem like they figured anything out different about the life insrance though. I know that was one of the topics they were going over yesterday and it didn't sound like they got anywhere with that other than her coming home and say "F- Mutual of Omaha!"
  
  I was going to ask what company it was , thank you for saying. And now I know which company to never touch. Again thank you for letting me know.
  
  I forgot to ask, are you in the US or outside of the US?

I'm in the US. Like 10 years ago I went to one of those "storefront legal document preparation" places that help you fill out legal forms. They gave me a form to fill out, answered some questions I had, then they prepared the will and I signed. I think they were paralegals but they consulted with a lawyer as needed.
About 2 years ago my great-aunt was re-doing her will and I took the opportunity to do mine again too. This was with a real lawyer, it was a bit more expensive (but I had a good job at the time.)
Supposedly you can just buy a workbook and fill out some forms, but I always figured I'd mess it up somehow.
- I know I've heard that it was something one could basically do themselves, but with legal stuff I'm leary of the DIY approach. Like you said, I'd be worried about screwing something up.
  Without kids, we basically don't want to lose stuff to the state if something should happen to us together.

Start here. It's pretty comprehensive. I've done a great deal, more to come.
https://www.freewill.com/learn/end-of-life-planning-checklist
And I'll add: You're an ass if you don't prepare for your death.
- Ah, thank you, that looks very comprehensive! I'll have to bookmark this.
  I was a bit disappointed her kids got left a fairly big mess. Their dad just died last year, and that nothing got done to prepare after that was a surprise to me with as complex as their situation was, as neither of them were in the best health as it was.
- Isn't a will non-binding if it's not notorized?
  
  Assuming your mean in the US. Depends on the state.

seemingly did not have her life insurance long enough that they would cover anything, they are just refunding what she has paid to the present.
That might not be legal. Depending on how large of a policy it was, consider hiring an attorney after reading the fine print.
- They already went over it with the attorney. I didn't really hear any details how it went, but in another comment here, I tried to look it up, and they advertise the fact right on the main page of their site in a not obscure way, so they don't seem to be pulling a fast one.
  
  What a bummer.

Non-US
Completed
living will
life insurance; no reason for choosing that particular one
am aware of how my inheritance goes without a will and am fine with it (lower inheritance tax this way)
Should still do
power-of-attorney paperwork to trigger if I'm deemed incapable, apparently makes it easier
funeral "instructions", something to follow if they don't want to think about it too much, but they know I really don't care
make sure they do the same

they are just refunding what she has paid to the present
Lol wat
- The summary I got was she had this insurance for a 18 months maybe, so they said they aren't paying, let's say 50k, they're just refunding her payments for those 18 months, say 1500 instead.
  It does sound a bit scummy to me but I have no clue how the rules of this stuff work, hence my question.
  
  There is got to be some provision that got triggered that's not being mentioned... This fact pattern on its face is what is called a scam in common man speak

I’m just really keeping expectations low, keeping my spouse in touch with my fam, and letting them know how to contact the VA to take care of most of it.
- I'm worried about the across the board deregulation we're being promised. This article just came out yesterday you may want to look at about the VA being a detriment to the coming agenda.
  
  I have seen and heard about that too. Worst case, we just do a big bonfire.

Mostly making sure I updated my beneficiaries everywhere, now that I’m divorced and my kids are legally adults. Insurance, retirement, investments, should just be allocated immediately with no probate and my kids will be covered.
My life insurance is through my employer but I guess it’s no longer necessary as soon as they get through college. When they were little, I supplemented with term life, but they’ll soon not be financially dependent on me anymore
However I haven’t been diligent with medical directives or my will.
- I'd like to at least make sure the house is paid off so she doesn't need to worry about losing her home. I have my home's full value in retirement savings now, and the actual house is half paid off, so I don't think I need a huge supplement. She has a good job now as well with a pretty guaranteed future (medical field). Maybe a term policy to cover us until the house pay off date would be a good place to start looking.

I've got a POLST so that they (hopefully) won't try to revive my illness-ridden corpse.
- I'll have to read up on that. I know DNR, but never heard of POLST, but a quick search says it is more comprehensive. Thanks!
  
  It's more fine-grained than a generic DNR, for anyone else reading this who might not look it up. You can decide whether you want CPR or intubation, for example. But you have to have your doctor sign off on it.

My wife and I formed a revokable trust and put all our assets into it, in addition to creating our wills. The main advantage to a trust is your assets don't have to go through probate and the trustee(s) can basically start executing your wishes right away. You (the grantor) specify what the trust should do with your assets.
Very useful if you have minor children that will need to be cared for.
- I'm not sure if this is necessary, at least at our current wealth level, but just a few moments reading has added this to my list of things to learn more about!
  There's a lot of interesting legal and financial aspects to it!
  
  Actually, whether or not you want or need a trust will depend on what state you live in. Some states may try to force probate if you don't have one, but in other states it isn't necessary at all. Just to add more confusion!

I'm not. My retirement plan is to walk into traffic one day. They can throw me in the Burger King dumpster.
- It's important to set achievable goals!

To be quite honest, I've not made a single bit of effort in making a will, nor have I decided on life insurance nor have I made any arrangements to heirs or anything else. My family is beyond trusting, to me, so that is entirely out the window regarding them. And another thing is that my 'retirement' plan is a plan of permanence at my own discretion, so the thought of making a will or having life insurance is on the bottom of a priority list.
My main concerns when I decide my time is up, is where I'm going to be and how much I want to leave behind and for whom. That's pretty much it.
- There are no friends or a cause you believe in to leave things to?
  Power of attorney is one of my big trouble areas. I don't know if I'd want to thrust that responsibility on anyone, and with a meh family and just a handful of good friends, I didn't have many options.

Insurance brokers tend to be competent educators.
Wills are easy to create using online templates. Make at least two physical copies, one digital, and get them notarized. Store them in different places. And, make sure several people know where they're stored even if they don't have access to that place.
Wills can be very simple, such as "all to wife". Mine is barely more complicated than that, just providing a series of two alternatives for if my wife is also deceased.

.
- Isn't that the point of the plans though?

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