2w ago

Linux is now an RPG. What do you have? (totally not r/outside)

The world of Linuxia beckons you! Your annoying guide flexes their gear the moment you spawn

 swift

    
Gentoo USB (Rare):
=> USE flags: Can rebuild itself
   with or without the other
   three attributes
=> March native: Increases attack
   speed by 1% or -1%
=> Slot: Can use two versions of any
   attribute at the same time
=> PGO: The USB memorizes when you
   attack to increase speed, trading
   off for lower speed elsewhen.
   Requires two rebuilds.

Charm of systemd (common):
=> nspawn: Can build with deeper focus
=> Wisdom tax: The wise are less
   likely to feel neutral toward you
   (+2 or -2 charisma)
=> Chant of systemd: By chanting
'systemd-analyze calendar "Fri *-*-13"',
   the caster instantly knows when
   the next Friday the 13th is.

Let's have some fun! Spells, items, and dungeons oh my!

39 comments

Tomb "Wiki of Arch" (common):
"Just read the wiki": By reading the wiki you gain +2 wisdom
"everything you need to know is in the wiki": Merchants increase the price of armour if you misread the wiki
"Installation Guide": Gain 5 speed, reduce your weapon slots to 1, increase armour by 1
- Price of armor x ﹏ x
  Maybe another stat, if I may join you --
  swift
  
  => Brand o' The Wiki: After 100 hours in the wiki, every hundred words uttered must either include RTFM or the acronym of this debuff. Wears off when near natural vegetation

The blessing of selhosting
Your pursuit for digital soverignity has come to an end
Server maintenance: lose one bonus action per round
Media server of pirated movies: gain one random spell roll at the start of your turn when in combat
Tales of docker: Frighten a creature for 2 rounds, but lose 1 Charisma for 10 rounds
Tailscale: spend an action point to access your camp chest from anywhere

Wait, is this within unix surrealism universe?
Anyways, my trusty usb cable wired to a 9" nail in my forehead can interact and even fix most drivers.
- Didn't know this existed at all. What a unique artstyle. Thanks lobotomy driver usb person

I might be displaying my ignorance of TTRPG systems, my Linux distro and my window manager, but here we go!
Arch Linux [uncommon armor]
manual installation process — +2 WIS
Arch Wiki — +2 on arcana checks
AUR — +1 DEX
system update — after every long rest, roll a d20. on a nat 1, you have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws until the next long rest.
I use Arch btw — +2 on persuasion checks against people who use this same armor
Customized Hyprland [rare armor, attunement]
attunement prerequisite: once every long rest, roll arcana with DC 25. must succeed thrice
unlimited customization — when attuned, +2 CHA
perpetually under construction — regardless of attunement, -1 DEX
Customized Neovim [rare weapon, attunement]
attunement prerequisite: once every long rest, roll arcana with DC 25. must succeed thrice
unlimited customization — when attuned, +2 to attack rolls
learning cliff — disadvantage to attack rolls when not attuned to this weapon
I use (neo)vi(m) — regardless of attunement, +2 on persuasion checks against people who use a similar weapon to this one (DM discretion)
Ventoy USB [uncommon accessory]
various installation media — +1 CON
EDIT: formatting
- I recommend BTRFS for the CON bonus.
- Don't worry, I'm kind of ignorant on it too! But it's fun :)
  swift
  
  Bowl of Rice (uncommon, consumable) => Funroll loop: When eaten, options apply for ten turns => Config hell: User is a survivor of config hell. -2 dexterity and +1 int until the next rest. Attunement-based items increase stat options by +1 each in exchange for -2 CON each. => Screenshot: +1 CHA when a photograph is taken => Form over function: User is drawn to rainbow pastel. -2 on WIS checks
  
  That loop of config hell is real! It has subsided recently because I got enticed into writing my own widgets. Also, yes to rainbow pastel (tho I'm using gruvbox as a base/reference color theme).

I have [Ancient] Debian Armor and a GNOME as my companion. I often equip the Tor Browser Cloak of Invisibility. If slain, I will drop a Locked KeePassXC Database Chest. After completing the mission Revive bricked Linux system, I was awarded with the [Rare] Ego Potion. When drunk, it boosts all stats temporarily during a battle.
- Sorry to be pedantic, but if you can revive it then it wasn't really bricked. Depending on how bad it was it was still worth the [Rare] ego item 🧑‍🌾
  
  The questmakers haven't updated the quest descriptions in a while. I'm waiting for the next update when they port the Whonix ISO kit.

Blue fedora (uncommon)
+10 armor
+5 speed
Wand of btrfs (epic)
snapshot: saves your current inventory
restore (passive): on death restotes your inventory to a state saved by the snapshot spell
Ring of gnomes (common)
summons up to 3 gnomes when health is below 10%

Quest: Kali Bandits
The Kali have been terrorizing villages across Linuxia. I beg you, young traveler, help us fight them off. I'll reward you with riches beyond compare!
Objective: Protect the village from the Kali bandits.
Reward: +500 gold
- Our party peers over the gate and sees...
  Kali Bandit (Level 3)
  A script kiddie. Lots spawn at once.
  STR: 3 (+7 during practice combat)
  DEX: 3
  CON: 5 (-4 when angry)
  INT: 4
  WIS: 1
  CHA: 1
  Kali Mercenary (Level 9)
  Uses Kali for work. Well-balanced, but weakened because the company hasn't had a security incident anyway.
  STR: 8 (+15 when fighting Kali Bandit)
  DEX: 9
  CON: 10 (-2 when teammate gets phished)
  INT: 12
  WIS: 12
  CHA: 8 (-2 when dealing with the one paying for them)
  17 year old with Amazon fire stick (Level 12)
  The judge prohibited them from touching computers.
  STR: 7 (+3 if he gets SSH running...)
  DEX: 8
  CON: 12 (+1 from the big house)
  INT: 16
  WIS: 7
  CHA: 9 (-2 when dealing with Nvidia)

Common Debian Swirl
Adds stability buff but forces user to wait 4 turns before enhancing any item, weapon or spell.
- As consumable ice cream, of course 𖦹°‧🍨🍦🍧🍨𖦹°‧
- You need the Flatpak buff. It allows you to avoid the 4 turn wait time.
  But it reduces your initiative by 4 in the first combat round, and doubles the weight of all enhanced items.
  
  Doesn't work well with my play style, and some of those Flatpak expansion sets are officially licensed.

Sigil of Motif (rare)
+2 to disguise, if you are attempting to pass for 20 years older than you are
Stacks with Cape of fvwm
Warhammer of cfdisk (common)
Cannot be dodged
Roll 1d10. On critical fail, smash yourself with warhammer for 5d4 damage.
- edit: Motif, huh? c;
  disk parting o(╥﹏╥)o
  Reminds us of all the little run-ins...
  The Double D (common)
  Active: Chant to erase a small space into nothingness. Inventory disappears if you slightly mispronounce (nat20 < 2)
  Passive: Keychains are easier to prepare.

Void heart (rare)
counters charm of systemd
sanity decreases with time
+2 con
- Hmmm... shaw to you too, shark fucker 420
  cpp
  
  Charm of Kingsoul (rare): => No cost too great: User mana slowly refills while using an uncommon init system. Buffs from charm of systemd become negative. => No mind to think: Charm uses 5 inventory slots, but gives +1 WIS on wisdom saves => No will to break: User can choose to sacrifice charm and obtain Void Heart.

Food item: Nix Flakes (rare)
+10 health per flake
Contains a large amount of packages when combined with Nixpkgs (uncommon)
Reproducible: farm it yourself!
Each flake takes between 5 seconds and 2 hours to compile and take effect
Requires good internet connection
Significantly slows down NixOS dotfile spells.

Weapon: Neovim Lua Gun (uncommon)
+144 damage
Rewrite config files
Can only activate weapon once. Afterwards, you're stuck using it forever.
Requires XP level 1337 to be used efficiently

Weapon: NixOS USB (uncommon)
Makes computer unusable for any sane person
Reproducible: install any system you want and then replace it with another one for fun
Most people in Linuxia are not sane so this weapon is rarely effective

Spell: NixOS dotfiles (rare)
rm -rf ./.git: self-destruct: deals +infinity damage to the user, +169 damage to nearby enemies.
cat flake.nix: Ejects what is effectively a zip bomb. Cannot be used twice against the same enemy. Deals +196 damage to nearby enemies.
nixos-rebuild ...: Refreshes stamina, +5 health to the user. If used incorrectly, will cause a random negative effect, but never fatal. Requires waiting for 15 seconds, unless Nix Flakes were recently used, then it requires at least 2 hours of waiting.

Armor: SDDM (common)
+40 charisma
+20 defense
+10 health
Buggy sometimes

Accessory: Waybar Crown (uncommon)
+120 charisma
+5 health
People will ask you for your dotfiles

Edit: fixed formatting
Edit 2: slightly cooler names and abilities
- Your bullet formatting is disarrayed btw ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!
  I'd imagine these options being unlock-only. You have to travel between multiple wiki dungeons and blog towns to evolve your item c;
  (Now I want nix flake cornflakes)
  
  Now the formatting is fixed

For some reason, I cannot git ye shell. All my attempts to bash my way through anything fail miserably as well.
This weird Grub on a boot keeps showing up and blocking my path.
Fuck this game >:(

https://linuxsurvival.com/
This is a linux terminal tutorial, but in the style of a text based rpg.

I buy a new house. Everything looks great, I move in, go to bed. The next morning my hot water doesn't work. The house's documentation doesn't cover this, so I go online. When I ask for help on forums people tell me to RTFM and call it a skill issue. I end up finding 500 different ways of fixing the hot water, filter through the 499 that don't apply to my particular build. When I'm done the cold water doesn't work either. I decide I'll fix it later and head to the front door to go to work. It won't open. Something I did trying to fix the water broke it somehow. I give up and just use the windows instead.
- You may try immutable OS like NixOS. Modern-day kernel has way better hardware support than earlier days.
  
  It absolutely does, compared to 2001ish when I first started playing around with Linux. But I had issues like this on Debian, earlier this year, on a Dell of all things which should use the most basic bone-stock drivers you can find. Draugr wouldn't even boot after install on that machine.

Curse of NixOS
Immutable Distro - When making a roll, if the previous roll did not use this feature, you may use the dice value of the last roll you made.
Highly Configurable - You can swap one piece of equipment per turn as a free action.
Flake or Vanilla? - You must succeed on a DC 20 WIS save once every hour or be compelled to spend that hour respeccing your equipment loadout and retraining your skills, in an attempt to achieve the elusive state known as "best practice".
- Guess I'll be chaotic evil and chase worst practices instead /ᐠ >ヮ<マ

Custom kernel (Accessory, rare):
Must be crafted by the owner and cannot be sold, given away, or otherwise transferred. Sometimes explodes during the crafting process, causing unconsciousness and 2d6 damage.
10% attack and defense bonuses to weapons and armour that were equipped at the time of crafting, but -10% on new weapons and armour.
Lightness grants +10 speed.

AURild of Greenmeadow (Weaponsmith, uncommon):
roll a dice D6, 1-3 results in sword.bin 4-6 results in sword.git
sword.bin gives 1 additional attack in your turn
sword.git can be used after your second turn, but has damage +3
everytime you visit Aurild: if you haven't equipped "Tomb Wiki of Arch" get confused by oversupply (-1 wisdom), else gain 3 wisdom

Tumbleweed (common)
Just a weed, a rolling shrubbery, non-evil.

Bazzite region of Linuxia
As you stumble upon the neon-lit realm of the gaming regions of Linuxia, an NPC tosses you a gleaming ISO volume of wisdom.
Bootable Amulet of Bazzite (Rare) => Frame Surge: Boosts performance by 15% of all inventory in the Wayland dimension. => Steam Incantation: Casts "Protonic assimilation" for all loot in unexplored dungeons (+2 compatibility). => Artifact of Immutability: Auto-repairs equipment after a dungeon raid. => Weakness - Package Curse: Outside the gaming regions, productivity wanes (-2 chances of legendary packages when opening chests).
Spell: Vulkan Forge (Uncommon) => Instantly summons Vulkan-powered rendering. => Can crit for +20 FPS, but may randomly glitch on older drivers (-1 stability).
Dungeon: Library of Protonic Lore => Encounter: Boss-level incompatible game. => Loot: XP towards seamless gaming or... disappointment (roll d20).
Will you flash, or roll a crash?
- Vulkan Forge is such a name, I'm surprised no software has taken it
  _btw _u _gotta _add _double _spaces _after _line _skips _to _make _it _a _real _line _skip

Armour class: Apparmor (common)
App confinement (+1 defence against app security issues)

Glamour: Breezy plasma (common)
Jewellery: Snappy apps (common)
Rolling release apps with a stable base
Ability to use multiple versions of any snappy app simultaneously

39 comments

Curse of NixOS