3w ago

What a legacy

59 comments

Appropriate time for: “If you see a shoplifter, no you didn’t.”
- What if the shoplifter has a really nice butt?
  
  Then you saw a person with a really nice butt. Who wasn't doing anything.
  
  Then they stole my heart
- I would never tell, but I wonder if people, employees, take the charge instead of the big corpo.
  
  No, it's just budgeted into the prices.
- Appropriate time for: shoplifting will fuck hundreds of innocent workers out of a job before it kills one corporation.
  Think about who you're really hurting. If a Walmart location stops being profitable enough, it'll just close, no sweat off their back. But everyone working there is now out of a job.
  
  How would it fuck them out of a job?
  Besides, shoplifting is nowhere near the scale that it would make an entire store unprofitable. And if it was, they'd either raise prices to make it profitable or perhaps lower them to encourage people to buy again instead of stealing out of desperation. They wouldn't just up and quit a location where there's still money to be made.

Friendly reminder that if you saw someone stealing food, no you didn't.
- Best case they're going to eat it.
  Worst case you can buy warm coat meat off them later in a flat roof pub so they can buy heroin.
  
  People need heroin too.

Plus you never notice people shoplifting. We dont know people's situation but we dam well know corperations can fuck off.
- The last few times I shoplifted it was by accident. The last being that I had to get a new ID from the DMV, they gave me a paper copy, and said they would mail me a normal ID. 30 days later it has still not arrived and grocery stores started to say they don't accept the paper copy after 30 days. Went back to the DMV and they said it would take up to 90 days. I asked if I could get a picture ID until it arrives, to which they told me that would downgrade my license and therefore I wouldn't be able to legally drive then.
  Anyways, I wound up checking out at Kroger, putting items on the conveyor, and they asked for my ID, I gave them my paper copy and they called a manager and blah blah blah all because there was wine in the order. The manager told the cashier it was acceptable so long as it was within 30 days, thankfully neither of them knew the date as it was 34 days after the issue date, they accepted it and I put the bags in my cart and went on my way. When I got to the car I realized several items in my cart were not in grocery bags, I never took them out of the cart when I got distracted by the ID bologna. So none of those items got paid for.
  My favorite part about it is someone has to acknowledge that someone was of age 4 days prior to purchase alcohol... So what black magic would I be performing to go from 35 4 days ago to under 21 then. If it could have been forged now, I could have forged it then.
  Note the DMV stated if they printed a new copy it would change the issue dates and therefore start the 90 day wait over again. Fucking mess
  
  Is this the California DMV? They are so ridiculously worthless. The DMV sloths in Zootopia were spot on, except they didn't depict the intentional malice.

The only shoplifting I see is the shops that keep arbitrarily lifting their prices.
- The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices.
  more laconic, more punny
  EDIT :
  The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices arbitrarily
  variant keeping arbitrarily

The BBC editorial team showing a woman stealing a bottle of wine, rather than, like, food or something

I will never see someone stealing food.

I ain't seen shit!
- One time I saw an obvious homeless man grab a pizza slice. He ate it in the aisle I was in, locking eyes with me. I was kind of looking through him, because he was standing where I needed to grab the item I wanted.
  And as I got closer, he said, "I'll pay for it." And I had to explain, "Bro I'm just trying to get some soup I don't know what you're talking about."
  
  That's the way.
- We’re combing the desert.
- It's okay everyone, I speak jive. They said "by golly, I haven't seen anything".

You guys ever just mind your own fucking business? I'm really into minding my own fucking business.
- For some reason, I thought you were getting furious at all the folks calling out the British museum
  
  Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

hey stealing is a proud British tradition stop denigrating our traditions.

These fucks think I’d tell them even if I did 😂. I didn’t even snitch on shoplifters when they were stealing from the place I worked, you do you and I’ll do me.
- I did the same.
  I didn't snitch on shoplifters at work and i shoplifted myself long before that.
  The funny thing was, i saw another person noticing the shoplifting - they saw me too. We just nodded and went our ways.
  These shoplifters had a double endorsement on that day.

Notice they used an image of wine, not a more basic foodstuff. That's called Manufacturing Consent.

Why are the pyramids in Egypt?
Because they're too large to fit in the British Museum.

I never saw nuffin narc

Snitches get stitches. Don't rat people out.

It always is amusing when British people accuse Roma of being thieves when they can't even have the English language without stealing widely from others.
- Stealing words can only be as bad as piracy, the original owners are not deprived of what they owned.

You must be over 1000000 years old to see that happen
- Nah, just your humble reincarnated Babylonian horror
  
  And with all that going for you, it's hard to be humble!

Obligatory James Acaster

Honestly that whole joke is getting a bit overused now.
- They haven’t made up enough for their bs

59 comments