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  • Ignore all the joke answers here. It seems insensitive given the subject matter. He's probably lonely and feeling left out. If he has siblings it's all the more likely. I was an alienated teenager who was in a place similar to your son I think. I eventually realized I and many others we're being used to further the agenda of some unsavory fucks who wanted to send us back to the 1860's. Try to show him how much he means to you. Let him know you care about him. Just don't drive him away, Show some love and compassion and he'll realize he's drinking the kool-aid eventually I think. Hope this helps, good luck!

  • Some kids adopt an edgy political identity as a form of protest or rebellion. I can see this being the case here, especially if your whole family is particularly left-leaning. Kid wants to feel like he has an autonomy over his own decision making and that he's not just a carbon copy of you or his siblings, so he becomes a contrarian.

    As a teen I was also taken in by extremist political ideology on 4chan, but the thing that snapped me out of that is, surprisingly enough, my curriculum at school focusing heavily on critical thinking and problem solving as essential skills. That's unfortunately not something that can easily be condensed down into a gift-sized package. I'm sure there are some books out there that can help, but I worry that it might be too on-the-nose or that he might just not like reading much to be interested in dry subject matter like philosophy or political science.

    I kind of agree with other posters here that taking a family trip somewhere, maybe not explicitly as a gift for him, but as an experience for all of your children, will expose him to stimuli that drastically differ from the way he currently sees the world, which is influenced by a nonstop stream of fearmongering propaganda and a lack of perspective of what a world outside the town or city he grew up in actually looks like.

  • Start with video games. But try to make it a game that has couch co-op so your family can come together.

    • Local co-op Stardew Valley was a huge bonding thing for me and my kids. We also did a lot of Towerfall. Or something like It Takes Two, if it isn't too on-the-nose.

  • When i was in ny early 20s, i was a Ron Paul guy. When I was in my early 30s, I was a Bernie guy.

    So what changed, and what was the same? In my 20s, I didnt have a fundamental understanding of how money really works. Ron Paul was big on the gold standard, which makes sense kn the surface. Crypto is similar where it makes sense on the surface; finite supply means no inflation and no value loss. I somehow also reasoned that not having the gold standard was the cause of inequality, but I honeslty cant understand why, and i cant remember either.

    In my 30s, I understood how they money system works mich better. Why we left the gold standard, and how it was holding back progress. I understood how our money is actually backed by muscle, and therefore the national debt doesnt really matter all that much until the day comes when the dollar has no value, because the US is defunct.

    Im sure I have much more to learn as I am in my early 40s now.

    The point I am trying to make, is that your son probably lacks understanding and wisdom, and is currently easily swayed by surface level logic.

    Thisbis really in addition to the other great stuff people have said in here

  • I don't know how to put this delicately, but:

    1.) I grew up in this line of thinking (but also deeply religious, so it's a little different) and it dissipated due to two main things: psychedelics and losing weight/becoming more confident and in-shape. In my case, I hated myself because I was unattractive and very overweight. I saw other people getting girls and resented how easy it seemed, while I felt invisible.

    2.) Much of my family is like this and it is always due to a similar lack of confidence/self-loathing.

    I'm not suggesting anything, just throwing it out there. That's a hard thing to "gift" around, if it's even at all potentially relevant. Gym membership or weights? You'd have to have a pretty unique relationship with your son to give him psychedelics or a trip to a nice strip club, and I'm not even sure that solves anything necessarily (just using it as an extreme example). Could be badass. Could be really weird/icky. Probably the latter. Massage is less weird? I don't know.

    Which is why I agree with the sentiment of separating it all from Christmas and just love him and give him something that shows you know him and know what he would like, so that he feels seen and appreciated. "I'm not going anywhere" is the most-powerful message you can try to send. I'd say IF you try to gift something like that, make sure it's only a side item. Don't make the entire thing about your differences.

    Many cliches of parenting turn out to be realities as you go. You find yourself realizing tropes exist for a reason. They grow up fast. Different phases at different periods. Moody teenagers. They're not always true, but they often turn out to be understandable. Besides the above, it's worth considering whether there might be some element of "rebellion" in it, if he grew up liberal. Maybe it's just "doing the opposite of my lame family," like a little bit of a "fuck you, dad!!!" phase? No matter what, you lose the more you dramatically respond. I think riding it out by being the rock who loves him no matter what is ultimately the best play, which means some awesome gift that he would love.

    • 1.) I grew up in this line of thinking (but also deeply religious, so it’s a little different) and it dissipated due to two main things: psychedelics and losing weight/becoming more confident and in-shape. In my case, I hated myself because I was unattractive and very overweight. I saw other people getting girls and resented how easy it seemed, while I felt invisible.

      My GenZ son is in his early twenties and lockdown and covid impacts on his health and school have really thrown him for a loop. He has not been overcome by fascist ideologies, but we seem unable to inspire him with any motivation. He's the same sweet person he's always been, but I think he is content to just play video games in his room and do D&D with his friends a couple times a week forever. (I understand that, but we won't always be here to put a roof over his head, and we are not wealthy people. He's going to need to support himself when we go.)

      He is also very overweight (the entire family is, but he's really accelerating it) and although he doesn't seem very very bothered by it, I know he's aware of it.

      I understand the need for exercise and I understand calories. Those things don't need explaining. But I'd love to know how you got over that hurdle to start doing something about your body. I feel like some successes there could easily translate to greater confidence and motivation in other areas.

      We spend lots of time together, we enjoy him just like we always have, he just seems rudderless and we're trying to help him without controlling him, but with limited success.

      Anything you might be able to share about your turnaround could be helpful. Though I'm not offering him psychadelics. 🙂

      • Unfortunately, that really is the answer for me. Psychedelics made it all finally click in a way that stuck. I had previously seen marginal success in dieting, but could never keep it off. Because I was coming from a religious background, part of it was, "What's the point?" Sex is wrong. I married young. Life sucks. And so on. Psychedelics made all of the percolating doubts and insecurities click into place in a clear way. "I'm NOT really religious; I don't believe it. I'm not raising my kids that way. No third-party is going to step-in and change my body for me. Nobody is going to put the weights in my hand and check my progress. I have to take care of me. I either have to take action or shut up and live with the consequences. I'd really prefer to live a life where I'm more desirable and it's not really anyone else's fault if I'm not putting in enough effort and 'losing the mating game.'" And so on--can't really characterize a trip like that with words obviously.

        I might have/probably would have eventually gotten there without psychedelics? I think? Maybe? I don't know. But they certainly provided the swift kick in the ass I needed to clarify years of baggage. I know it's not helpful to say "give your child psychedelics," but it just happens to be what helped me (specifically, one instance of using shrooms was the most-impactful, I mostly only ever microdosed a few times besides that one trip).

        I have a long-time close friend who has long struggled with weight in a serious way. He briefly lost it and suddenly he was dating a beautiful Ukrainian girl, seeing the benefits of being healthy, loving life. That was a long time ago, it ended, he gained it all back. The closest I've come to getting through to him is to be a bit more crass than I normally would be in saying, "REMEMBER HOW GOOD IT WAS TO BE WITH THAT GIRL!? DON'T YOU MISS THAT AND WANT IT BACK? ISN'T THAT WORTH A FEW MONTHS OF WORK?" But being a bit more pointed in my language. But again, you're probably not going to say, "Don't you miss that good pussy!?" to your son, so...I'm kind of useless to you, maybe.

  • Reading through the comments here, I would say a gift certificate or membership to some activity they've expressed interest in. Ideally, something physical, that either involves working/playing/whatever with other people, or which has a social element to it.

    My biased selection would be rock climbing if this is of some interest and you have a climbing gym that isn't a giant pain to access (which you might not). Solo sport, but a) you need a belayer - that was my Dad when I was doing it, and b) the gym rats I've come across are often very friendly, open people.

    Can be as challenging as you make it, gets you talking with IRL people, opportunity for what sounds like really necessary quality time going up there, if he gets into bouldering or makes a gym buddy and can get there himself he can eventually do it independently, etc.

    Might make sense for them, might not - only you would know, really.

  • Gen Z men that fall for the machismo of "hustling" just can't conceptualize the amount of financial difference between them and their idols. Get him something he can work towards making a hobby and hope that you can talk to him about why he thinks the way he does; listen and try to empathize and offer him an alternative solution to what he has forged for himself.

  • Just out of curiosity, do you know what drew him to this line of thinking in the first place? Any particular media he's consumed? Knowing how one first enters into fascism can help in undoing that damage.

    • It's usually far-right dipshits on social media who disguise racism, sexism, transphobia as comedy. Gavin McInnes for example. I hate that fuck.

    • Probably overbearing parents trying to force an ideology down his throat without letting him developed hia own identity and personal philosophy. Trying to force anything upon someone will always lead to them rebelling. Same as conservative parents trying to force their gay kids to be strait. The irony is palpable.

      • You came up with an awful lot of assumptions based on absolutely zero evidence. Sounds exactly like the type of critical thinking one should expect from somebody who seems to tolerate children being indoctrinated into fascism.

193 comments