memes @lemmy.world

2mo ago

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Non-Political Memes @lemmy.ml

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169 comments

As a gentleman, I'd offer to hold the steering wheel so she has an easier time aiming her lance at oncoming traffic.
- She’s in the passenger seat, you can see the car in the background is also right hand drive
  
  Then I would definitely hold the steering wheel.
  
  Oh, that makes it easier!
- Let's be honest: she's probably not a very good driver. They didn't even have cars back then, this must be a lot to process for her.

Take her to a knightclub
- Hey Google, how do I award a comment Lemmy gold?
  
  BTC: Hfv5337hdd-64drtGTmib85CT
  (This is a joke, that's not a real Bitcoin wallet. DM me for the real one)

Become the damsel in distress naturally (I'm a 6'2 bearded man)
- Wouldn't it be nice to be the little spoon once in a while?
  
  Here, here!
  
  Jetpacking!
  
  !rolereversal@lemmy.world
- The bachelor in distress then
- I'm a 5'6 beardless man, we could make this a leaning Tower of Pisa

Help her save France from the English.
- Or burn her for being a witch and falsely claiming knighthood, depending on your team.
  
  Why not both?

What makes you think I'm not already similarly equipped?

(Any good excuse to trot out this heavy bastard, which I don't have occasion to do often enough anymore. It could really use a polish. There's a project for the weekend...)
- What's the best way to polish that?
  
  Give it to your squire.
  
  Take it to Poland?
  
  I usually attack it with a terrycloth and some Flitz. A little will go a surprisingly long way.
  There are various methods of oiling, waxing, or otherwise preserving it afterwards. I prefer boiled linseed oil for that, personally.
  In Ye Modern Times, you could also just make your mail out of something that doesn't rust. I didn't, though.
  
  Angle grinder and a buffing pad with a heavy dose of Sex Wax
  
  Clothes dryer and a bucket of sand would probably work.
  Plus you can sell the self-dismantled dryer for parts after.
  
  Toothbrush and time
- Nice mail!
  
  Thanks.
  I have a set of matching super historically authentic pants in the same pattern and material (with suspenders!) as well. I might even still fit in them, but I haven't tried in a while.

I PUT ON MY ROBE AND WIZARD HAT
- GET IN LOSER. WE’RE GOING DUNGEON DIVING
  
  WE CAN'T STOP HERE THIS IS DRAGON COUNTRY
- lighting bolt lighting bolt lighting bolt
- You. I like you.

Demand a shrubbery.
- I'm here, I'm here.
  
  Demand... another shrubbery!

"I'm glad you brought protection"

what i'm told

Not another one knight stand!

Take her to paladinner and a movie?
(Sorry.)

beg her to marry me
- I hear women love being begged for things

It greaves me to say it, but I'd pull her into a warm vambrace and try to tap that cuirass.
- I love this.
  Now get out.

Laugh at everyone who mocked me for carrying a SAK around.
- Except that's the bottle opener...
  
  https://www.tiktok.com/@factors_of_jack/video/7276159041309723950

CALL THE LOCKSMITH!!!!!!!!!!!

Get excited about where ever we're going because I know it should be awesome

Looks like I'm in for a good knight!
- One knight stand?
  
  The last knight standing must be a good knight.

We take Jerusalem!
- This is the right answer

You’ve got mail!
- FE-mail. (Because Fe is the chemical symbol for iron.)
  
  You might be juuuust nerdy enough to win this fair knight's favor!

Get either a piercing weapon to exploit weak points or a bludgeoning weapon to transmit force through the plate, because she's clearly here to do battle. Dinner can come AFTER I've defended my honor.

Yep, she's a keeper.

Marry her.
- I sense one or two potential red flags.

WD40

If ya liked it then ya shoulda put ring mail on it
If ya liked it then ya shoulda put ring mail on it
If ya liked it then ya shoulda put ring mail on it
If ya liked it then ya shoulda put ring mail on it
Edit: before any nerds weigh in, I know that's not ring mail.

"Glad to see you brought protection." 😈

I would think there's a fair chance she might be interested in hearing all about my 18th level Paladin!
Gosh, is it warm in here?

I would let her pull my sword for sure
- Unfortunately, you have an Ex-caliber sword.

Immediately go buy a can opener?
- What's a can opener? Kind of NSFW - like not really, but if someone walks in on you watching you'll have some explaining to do.
  
  Yeaaahhhh. This is definitely still falling under the NSFW Category. :D
  Not porn per se. But definitely not something to have playing at work. ^^

Expect an inquisition into ur bedroom.
- No one expects the bedroom inquisition!
  
  Our chief kink is suprise!

As a longbow user, that armor isn't going to be much good
- Everyone thinks they've got a longbow...
  
  Aboveaveragebow for sure.

Rejoice! She brought protection!
- Pretty iron-clad, too.

Marry her?

You don't need to put a ring on it...
... unless she was going to expand on the chain mail coif; then you'll need lots of rings.
- Do you really want to be the first partner not to add a link to the chain?

Marry her!

Ask if her father was possibly a little overprotective.
- 'No daughter of mine is going out on a date without a full set of protection!'
  
  You can never know when you end up in a battle.

- That's a long wait for sex

They say dress for the job you want...

Enjoy the ren faire.
- This is the right answer. Maybe put my own gear on before we head out!

Take Jerusalem! Deus Vult!
- The only right answer.
  I guess "joust her right then and there" also would be acceptable.

Girl, you're dressed to slay tonight.

Let her conquer me.

Ask her if the maille is butted or riveted
- Is your armor as riveted as I am?
  Is your armor butted? ...would you like it to be?

Wife

"Hey I got your two handed sword right here!"
grabs crotch
she takes a look
"Oh that's more like a little pocket knife isn't it?"
makes sad hurt male ego noises*\

"I said we meat at night, not as knight"

I'm underdressed and didn't know it.
- You can hold her lance and sheathe her sword.
  
  I'll let her sheath her sword any day.

"Oh shit. Why didn't you tell me we were going to a ren faire/Medieval Times? I would have dressed up too!"

Time to get medieval on dat ass.

Take her on a crusade to concur the holy land, start a quest to find the Holy Grail, and show her how to slay the dragon.
- I concur

She could wear a trash bag if she's this cute, I'm still going out with her.
- Relevant username.

Plate armor? With chainmail links that bad? You trying to get yourself killed?

169 comments