1y ago

what messaging app do you use?

So here's the thing, every time I try to move away from Facebook messenger I run into the same problem, nobody else in my friends or family actually want to use a secure, private messenger app like signal or telegram, my wife, my parents, my in-laws, my friends they're ALL on Facebook and they will never take signal seriously enough to actually use it, it really bums me out that there are these far superior options but without anyone else using them they're pointless..

Anyway what apps do you use to stay in touch with people?

78 comments

Mandatory "don't put Signal and Telegram in the same sentence" notice. Not to be a snob, but Telegram is not "secure and private", all chats are not end-to-end encrypted by default, everything is stored on Telegram's servers with "forever-ever" retention. The end-to-end encryption is opt in, uses a dodgy encryption algorithm and has some limitations in terms of who you can contact and from what device etc.
Telegram is owned by Pavel Durov who also created the largest Russian social media platform VK, which later was overtaken by Russian state as a tool for crowd control and propaganda. Even if we assume that Pavel no longer has any ties with Russia and its "government", his biography should still raise at least some questions around whether one should trust Telegram.
And finally, Telegram seems to be going the "everything app" route lately, which makes it a one stop shop of personal communication, public channels, news, bots, stories etc. (you name it). While it is not a bad thing in objective terms, these features are not built with privacy in mind, as that would pose quite a technical challenge. This means that Telegram's privacy and security will only be sacrificed more and more to get more of the social features out of the door.
/rant over/
- I agree with every point. The last paragraph doesn't have to be a problem though: telegram has very open and really nice APIs and enjoys a lot of FOSS 3rd party apps (only matched by matrix). Of course, we can only enjoy that as long the API usage is still free to use...
  
  The last paragraph doesn’t have to be a problem though
  It is not yet, but the trajectory implies it may become a problem down the road. We're, sadly, living this decade, where you can no longer ignore where a certain service is heading and how it monetises itself.
- I like to give Pavel the benefit of the doubt and assume he was not a willing participant when Russia took over VK. That said, it still happened, so what is to stop them from taking over Telegram too whether he is complicit or not?

My preference is Signal Private Messenger app, but like you, I have problems getting some friends and family to use it. So for the ones that won't, I just use Chomp SMS for my texting app.
- The trick is, 90% of all your messages are probably with the same 1-3 persons. (spouse, friend, family or whatever.)
  So just install the Signal app for these 1-3 persons on their phones, and you already have most of your communication going via Signal 👌🏼
  
  The 20-80 rules applies here. Anyway, that is a strategy that works for me too. The rest would be SMS. Sending files is links to my self hosted nextcloud.
  
  That’s exactly how I do it. No way you can get your whole work group conversation over to something else, but the bulk is a smaller circle.
- My issue with signal is that their desktop app sucks. No message sync, it needs the phone as a relay and it’s made with Electron.
  
  Signal desktop is designed to be a stand alone app that uses the phone phone to first verify the connection via QR but after that relays messages, calls, erc direct from and to the server, inrependently of the phone app.

I got my family on Signal by buying them each a drink to install it. Might be worth trying

Whatsapp in general. Telegram with my wife. Messages with my kid.
- Yeah I work on a similar system
  WhatsApp in general Telegram for the wife Signal for the wife whilst one of us is working (with notifications on silent)
  SMS for everything else.
  It's nice having things compartmentalized.
  
  Why does wifey get her own app(s)?
- Similar here
- That doesn't sound annoying at all lol
  
  I guess at some point the kids will get to Telegram (probably using a dumb phone at the moment?)

It might not work for everyone, but my general advice is to go cold turkey. Inform your relatives that from now on they can contact you on Signal and then stop using FB. If they value keeping in touch with you, they will follow.
- Meanwhile the relatives are potentially thinking “well I guess he doesn’t value keeping in touch with me”.
  
  Yeah, they'll just go.
  Hey brother 1, please tell your hermit brother OP that we have a get together next week. 9pm, bring beer ok.
  
  Yes but they would be wrong. Because they would be asking you to sacrifice your privacy for them, while you are only asking them for 30MB on their phones to install Signal
  
  That's exactly my point: let's invert the scenario as there is no reason why we should be the ones compromising. The only objective difference is the privacy of the chosen application. Even if this would be equal too, we have just a much right to demand a specific protocol as they do.
- I could never do that lol. I barely care enough to talk to people and even I'd feel a little alone/I don't like inconveniencing people. I do use Telegram for some people, but Signal is just used by nobody I know.

I use Signal, Element (Matrix), built in SMS with grapheneOS, and I self host MatterMost.
I tried Threema, but getting people to move was more difficult than Signal

Just another reason to not have friends. No need to worry about messages and people getting funny because you 😱 reply to them straight away! 😎
Is it wrong to only miss not having friends when I need a hand lifting up something? 😳 I really need to buy a remote controlled crane! 🤔

Signal >>>>>>>> WhatsApp > texting > Telegram >>>>>>> Messenger.
- I’d put iMessage above WhatsApp, as long as it’s iMessage to iMessage.
  Signal is wonderful.

My choice of app is entirely based on what the contact uses.
Most of my family are on iOS so we use native iMessage and FaceTime.
I have a small group of friends that almost exclusively use discord.
Older non-iOS friends tend to use WhatsApp, younger ones Telegram.

Signal if possible, WhatsApp if not. I'm also trying out Session, but it's still very much work-in-progress.

wait,,, you guys have got friends?

Whatsapp for the people I can't get to move to Signal, which sadly is everyone in my family. I hate having the zuck all up in my messaging though.

Matrix
- This would've been what I used if I could get anyone else to use it too.

I use telegram and signal for different purposes and people.
I'm surprised no-one mentioned XMPP/Snikket nor matrix. Both platforms are FOSS, selfhostable and thus gives you total control over your means of communication. Check them out if you're curious (I prefer matrix, but snikket is more lightweight and easier to selfhost).

Signal. I bullied everyone I know into using it and deleted my Facebook account, so they have no other option for contacting me.

Default unencrypted SMS, because family doesn't give a fuck about privacy. 😞

I got plenty of gripes with Signal (acting like a de facto proprietary app, backing up horrendously difficult, gimping the Android options in order to get to "feature parity" with the less developed iOS app, serious UI/UX missteps - the bubbles colouring debacle, no AMOLED mode etc.). Having said that, I let everybody know it IS my main messaging app - if they want to reach me, that's where I'll be. I do still use WhatsApp (barf!) and Slack, but exclusively for work-related stuff and I force close them the minute I walk out the office (if something blows up, a good, old-fashioned call will do). People who really want to keep in touch will eventually use an encrypted app, even if begrudgingly.

I have issues just getting people off SMS, never mind using a dedicated messaging app. I used to get folks to switch to Signal, because it also used SMS… what a headache, when that functionality got removed. I ended up moving to iOS, to take advantage of iMessage. It’s not as good as Signal, but it’s still a huge improvement.

Signal with 2 people who actually moved there with me, standard messages app that came with Samsung for most people, and Facebook Messenger Lite for anything that works better there, or contacting people who I'm not close enough with to get their phone number.

Signal is actually decently popular in my circle of friends. Whatsapp for the few that still don't get it and Threema with a small circle of others.

We just discussed this in the past week or two, removing under rule #4.

WhatsApp with most people (because that's what everyone uses), Telegram with the people I talk to a lot (a few college friends and my parents). Insta here and there, but that's mostly for people to send me reels, I don't really use the app for anything else. I've not used Facebook or the messenger for many years.

Well you could move to Matrix and integrate your messenger account that way it's a lot more seamless for everyone. You can get one person to do the same and you two start messaging securely via Matrix while you both keep in touch with the rest via the messenger integration. Then eventually everyone that cares even a little bit about Privacy will move over and no matter where they move you can keep in touch through Matrix and its many integrations.

Telegram with my gf and family, discord with friends. Fb messenger is awful to say the least

Telegram for family, friends, work and actually for everything I can think of.
Discord for gaming with friends, not as a messenger but as voice comms mainly.
Whatsapp for very legacy stuff, haven't had a notification in a couple of years. Maybe it's time to uninstall, finally.
- Hope i am not intruding, but you are aware of the privacy-shortcomings of Telegram? They are quite severe if one is not aware of them.

I recently saw something called berty that I’m still testing. Looks like a messaging app akin to lemmy.
- If you like berty, check out briar. Same ideas, however briar is more mature (and uglier).

Pretty much everyone in my country uses WhatsApp, so that's what I use. I prefer to use Signal, but nobody I know uses it nor wants to migrate, so it just ended up as a glorified SMS app until Signal removed SMS support.

I'm not on Facebook, so don't use Messenger. I communicate with 90% of my friends and family using WhatsApp.
I would like to use Signal, but have the same problem as you - More than 90% of my friends and family don't use Signal unfortunately.
- I got my brother to move to signal after Whatsapp was bought and luckily he was able to start the chain reaction moving all our friends even my parents to signal
  
  That's great! I wish that happened with me. I got my parents on it, but others were not willing to try it out. In the end, pretty much everyone I knew stuck with WhatsApp, and we're still there.

Sadly my family uses mostly Facebook messenger but my husband and friends use LINE messenger 😊 it’s cute but mostly popular in Japan, Thailand, Taiwan etc
- LINE - just the tip of the iceberg of privacy and security concerns. https://reports.exodus-privacy.eu.org/en/reports/jp.naver.line.android/latest/

I use a mix of them, but fortunately no Facebook Messenger 🤢

I use iMessage with my wife and mostly Signal with everyone else (rarely SMS). I actually managed to get most of my family and friends to install Signal, but then again I’m not a very social person. I deleted my FB and WhatsApp accounts.

Whatsapp but I'm in Europe.
Useful to have a messenger that also works over wifi. Allows you to go prepaid and save a lot of money. Think I spend 50 Euros a year on phone bills.
And yes, I know it's also facebook. It is what it is.

I deleted Facebook almost a decade ago. And I don't miss it at all. I got everyone I talk to regularly to switch to signal. It's helpful to have something that works across all devices and can send high quality pics and vids to groups of people on different types of devices.
Working on setting up matrix and hoping to make it easy enough for my close family and friends to switch over since I know I won't be taking away any features. Self hosting has been a fun thing to figure out. And I like not having any ties to any corp. for my messaging.

I’m mostly Messenger. I have WhatsApp and standard SMS for a handful of people. I did use Signal for a while but ended up back on Messenger. I’ve used WeChat in the past but don’t have the need anymore.
I’d like to use something a bit more federated but Messenger is where the people are.

WhatsApp because where I am it's pretty much the default app for everyone, friends, family etc, WhatsApp is the go to app here.

I luckily divulged from FB messenger back in 2016. I use pulse sms on Android because I can text from a web browser. I realized I only used messenger because of the browser client. It's not private sense sms but eh, it's a pretty practical solution.

In the US so iMessages/SMS and … WhatsApp for work (god I hate it’s backgrounds). For a select few, Messenger since that’s how they connected to me.
Much prefer iMessages for its simplicity and Apple Watch integration. SMS can burn in hell.

I got my family and friends to use signal.
Matrix (just me and my boyfriend)
- Well that's cute, just you and your boyfriend being nerds together

78 comments