How do you get a guest to leave when they won't take the hint you want them to leave?

Slap you thigh and stand up and say “Welp, it’s getting late…”, then say whatever you need to be doing.

Where in the Midwest did you grow up?
- Mali?
“So!”
- That's the German way! 😁
People that don't recognize the thigh slap or key jingle are the fuckin worst
whelp, guess it's time to be hitting the old dusty trail

Be direct. "It's been great, but I have other things to take care of (or get to bed if night). See you later!"

They literally asked "oh, what do you have to take care of?" I said "I have an oil change scheduled" and they said "oh I can go with you"
- "No thanks"
  
  Look, I understand, I have social anxiety, but you just need to say what you want and move on. Of they don't like it, then they don't like it - who cares?
- Tell them, "Sure! You can ride in the trunk 👍"
- “My wife and I planned something special for tonight and I have to do my anal douche.”
- That person desperately needs someone in their life to tell them the truth.
  
  “I am done hanging out. I need to be alone now”
  
  Some people are autistic and as an autistic person myself believe me when I say there is like one in ten thousand people who will actually tell the truth, and they only do it once in a blue moon.
  
  Be that person.
- “That would be fun but after that I have to xxxxxxx for my mom, then….xxxxxx”
  
  Imply the ‘no’ - that would be butttttt nope.

As an autistic person I feel like i'm over staying my welcome sometimes, the easiest way to confront me is be like "hey, great to see you but I have other stuff to do. We should do this again"

I'm not autistic but I do have a lot of fear about over staying my welcome. It has gotten to the point where I would politely ask if I over stayed or if my welcome has expired. I find that being direct is the fastest and most efficient for both parties.
- Yes that can be helpful if you are the one feeling you are overstaying, a good amount of the time people are really nice and honest about things so that's really helpful

"Let's go to bed so these people can go home."

Works especially well for brunch guests.
That's great. I might steal this one!

Put everything away. Clear the food, drinks. If it’s night yawn repeatedly “well, got an early morning need to turn in.” If it’s daytime you have another thing planned. “Gotta get the car serviced.”

I personally say in a friendly tone "I'm sorry but I have to kick you out now because I have xxx things to do."
Add something appreciative about their visit/your meeting like "it was great to see you", "thanks for stopping by" or something.

If you are just socially spend, you could also say that. "I hate to kick you out, but I can't people anymore today/my social capacity is spent/it was all a bit much for me today."

People will understand if you are direct. We all have shit to do and limited resources.
Being honest and direkt is often less weird than dancing around the fact that you want them to leave.

My housemate in college would yell something so everyone looked and then take off his paints and say everyone get the fuck out, see you next weekend

But taking his pants off is the sign to stick around for fun times, not to leave!
- Not when he does it.

“I’m getting tired, it’s time for you to go.”

Some people are just too oblivious and need things spelled out for them. So spell it out.

Baby Shark on repeat.

But that's how I started the party.
- Well not everybody has to leave

Say to your wife: "Wife, we go to bed now. The guests surely want to go home as well."

:-)

"We're good! We'll just hang out here!"

Be direct and tell them to leave. Be polite if appropriate, but when a guest isn’t getting the message, sometimes you just need to make it simple.

"Please leave"

/thread

I start cleaning my guns

If you're Cuban, you say, "Wait, don't leave yet. I'm about to make coffee." It means you're telling them to leave after the coffee.

It may help to start setting an end time. Instead of, "I can hang out at 6." Tell them, "I can hang out from 6-8." If they still won't leave you might have to be firm with them. No is a complete sentence, and you don't need to explain why.

“No”

“I’m sorry, No?”

“No”

“No what?”

“No”

“Should I leave now?”

“… … No no”

“No I shouldn’t leave?”

“No”

Some great advice here. I also like this piece of verbal judo: “I have taken up too much of your time, I will let you go now. I have bored you enough with my pedantic nonsense.”

I find it annoying when people talk like this. It sounds like you forced the other person to be with you, or that you consider yourself so important that the other person would sacrifice their comfort for you.

Serve them sausages, a Danish tradition

Tell me more
- To signify the end of an event, sausages are served to guests. I learned about the Danish tradition when i had an exchange student.
  
  "The Danish way of celebrating a final event or other types of festive partying is by enjoying one of the trendiest national fast food dishes in Denmark - the "red sausage and warm bun" - evolved from the everywhere present mobile sausage charts from 1921"
  
  http://copenhagenet.dk/CPH-Map/CPH-RedSausage.asp#:~:text=The Danish way of celebrating a final event or other,generations of Danes and obsessive

INFO: How old are they and what is their relationship to you (sibling, coworker, friend, in-law, etc)?

Early 30s and a friend.
- Do they overstay their welcome all the time, maybe not even just at your house, but other friend's houses as well?

Yell "get the fuck out" (jk) an alternative would be "please leave"

Serve them kelp tea.

Fart loudly? Call the police?

just grab a broom and have it stand upside down.

Is your guest Joe Biden? That will take at least 6 months...