Women of Lemmy, do you mind being called cute?
Or do you prefer other adjectives? Do you consider it to be insulting or do you take it for a compliment if it was meant as one? (Assume an amenable relationship between the two people, not a random stranger or creeper)
I imagine this is a very specific to the individual , and the context in which it is used
Like a handful of other people in the comments I never dress up or wear makeup, it's black pants and a t-shirt for me. It's usually a graphic t-shirt that is silly so if someone's like "oh cute t-shirt" sure, that's fine. But if they're talking to me specifically cute feels infantilizing. I'm a 33-Year-Old woman, I either look fine, nice, beautiful, or like a deranged raccoon holding a knife.
I often look like a deranged raccoon holding a knife - and am excited the look is catching on! 😉
I once was on some winter event with a lot of people and a deranged raccoon of the party tried on some hat with double Pom-poms, I told her it makes her look cute, but this is, as some people have already written, context-specific.
It's the best look!
Are those in increasing compliment order? In that case, I can say with confidence that your post sounds like you're a deranged raccoon holding a knife!
Awww, thank you!!!
Depends on context. "Cute" can be infantalizing and condescending, or not, or somewhere in between. In general, any blanket statements about relationships comes down to context.
I was going to say it really depends on who is saying it. A creepy old friend of your uncle's? Please No. A cute guy you are also interested in? Yes please.
If you are not sure just say nothing. Silence is always a great option
especially in a police interrogation room
“Alright, we have at least 6 witnesses willing to testify that they think I’m pretty. If you confess and say that at least I’m cute, we’ll let you get off easy.”
“I wanna talk to my lawyer.”
bad cop begins routine
“HOW DARE YOU, THEIR OUTFIT ALONE IS FIRE!”
”good” cop pulls the bad cop off you
“Sorry, my partner is a loose cannon. Look, we just want to make sure you’ve got good taste.”
Scientifically this has been proven again and again. Good looking saying something, getting something, doing something is acceptable. Unattractive has no access to the same things.
I've pondered this a few times now I'm older. When younger the things I could say to women and get a positive response was amazing, compared to now I'm older. I was fit, good looking and cheeky.
It's just what it is. Attractive always wins. Be it income, access or acceptance (in your example).
I'm OK with my age and not being as attractive as I was, but every now and then the cocky young man in me wants to complement a lady, but I move on. The moment passes. I've matured emotionally and happily carry on.
Oh don't get me wrong, I'm the Ugly girl!! I also have no chance and ususally guys say "just die" on the internet. It's not a man problem or a women biases, its a ugly ppl vs pretty people problem
The most important thing I ever realized, if I want to compliment a woman, you never compliment her on her features, you compliment her on her choices. "Hey you look cute" is automatically going to put her hackles up. "Hey, I really like your dress" is a neutral statement you can make that doesn't make you a danger. Which is what most women view men as after a lifetime of being treated as prey.
Source: three daughters
"Never" seems a little excessive, it's more contextually sensitive though obviously.
If my partner calls me cute, yes, I like that. Anyone else, it's very context specific. Do I know you and like you and trust you and your opinions? Then probably yes, otherwise pretty much always no.
Your username is so peak holy shit (sorry, carry on with the topic at hand)
lol thanks!
It really depends on what I'm doing to elicit the comment - I'm often doing silly things, getting enthusiastic about stuff, exploring my environment and other things vaguely "childish" and so would consider cute to be a compliment.
Coming with no context it's neutral, way better than being called sexy but generally my appearance doesnt need comment.
If I'm upset, or being professional, or an authority than being called cute is 100% and insult.
As a male approaching middle-age this thread is confirming a lot of my suspicions that I never really had a firm understanding of. -Commenting on someone else's aesthetic appeal in relation to oneself seems to be an often questionable practice, especially if it's not someone one knows well.
Well, I'm in my 40s, so to call me cute would be weird bordering on rude. But to say you like a piece of my clothing or some aspect of my personality is nice to hear.
My womanhood is complicated, but I love being called cute. Makes me beam a big smile.
So what I’m gleaming from this, all other things being equal:
The word you're looking for is 'gleaning'; 'gleaming' is more like 'shiny'.
For me, if anything, it depends on intentions. Most often though I'm just told I'm attention-seeking as opposed to cute, even with things like my clothing which consists of the same few things in circulation.
Two of the comments so far mention "cute" as response to clothes/aesthetics. Just two.
Don't make blanket statements for interacting with women (or people in general) based on two internet comments. Please. Two comments.
If you want to say you like how I look compliment one of the grooming, fashion, or accessory choices, and I'll get the hint.
Hell, compliment my muscles. Literally just compliment anything I have agency over.
Yes because I am cute. Actually. That’s my aesthetic.
Edit: I see a lot of people calling it infantilizing, but it’s my personality. And I’m older than other people on here have said they are.
It's only really fine if someone calls me an appearance-based compliment if they're my partner or a woman that I'm close to.
Used to work at a restaurant in the south. And cute was like saying oh you sweet boy. Or while your doing something a person saying oh aren't you cute. Kind of has to do with context but majority of the time when someone calls me cute I just look at them in a confused look because I wear scrubs most of the time and no make up or perfume. So most of the time I think what does this person want?
In the context of an argument or when I'm clearly trying to be taken seriously? No. If I'm actually angry, what happens to you is above me.
Any other time? (◡‿◡🌸) ✨Thank you ✨
Like if I walk into work and someone says, "oh your new haircut is cute" or "what a cute shirt"? I'm ok with that.
Depends on who's saying it.
What if you're a handsome creep in good physical shape?
what
Like Armie Hammer?
I love being called cute by people I know and have a relationship with! I try to channel cuteness, so it is definitely a compliment for me :)
For me being cute is not a looks thing but more of a behaviour/personality compliment so i like it
If it's meant as a compliment and the person isn't getting a creep, I take it as a compliment.
really depends on the context. if i'm showing off my cosplay, no. If I'm receiving an award and posing for the camera -- yeah my looks aren't relevant.
I think ‘cute’ has developed a second meaning that is more in line with ‘stylish, aesthetically pleasing, clever’ than the ‘infant baby child/object’ sense of the word but I don’t know how to explain the difference. Probably the person’s other actions and intent and tone. Is someone being condescending in general, trying to frame someone as less than? Or is their body language/conversation style more geared toward a genuine expression of ‘i think you’re cool and like the way you look/your outfit or idea is nice’. I’m short and I get both - there is a subtle but very unmistakable difference between good cute and condescending cute. I feel the same way about ‘adorable’. The condescending usage of cute in my personal experience comes most often from women.
Not a woman, but I think what it comes down to is: the other person needs to immediately know what you mean when you say it without you having to explain it, or else it will be a mix of confusing/unsettling/creepy.
If they use the word "cute" a lot to describe things they like or looks they are going for, then it could be taken well. If they never use it and you don't either, then it will probably be percieved as unsettling. If they get hung up for any reason on what it means for you to call them "cute" (or any other adjective), then it's not coming across how you want.
not by women. i'd just as soon a man never feel the need to comment on my appearance
I feel the same but im a man.
In the context you've given, sure! I like it but I have trouble believing people when they say it.
Cute used to describe a person? May work out in some cases, but in most it really will not for various reasons. She may feel you're infantilizing her, you don't find her appealing as a woman or appealing for the wrong reasons, you belittle her ...
As many wrote, used to describe her choices it's perfectly fine though.
If you're looking for a way to express how this person makes you feel - for example a continuous stream of "awwwww" may be expressed by calling someone cute - rather describe your feeling: "I could fawn over you all day." Ideally you also explain why, so it's clear where this is coming from: "The way you dress is a perfect compliment to your outgoing personality. I really enjoy just watching you exist."
Depending on who you want to be to this person and how far along on that road you are, my examples may work or be entirely out of question.
Serious question from an autistic dude who is awful at this kind of thing. If you are genuinely attracted to a person and are interested in dating them is it wrong to just state that outright then? Because I see plenty of women where I like their dress, or their hair color etc. but that doesn't mean I'm actually attracted to them. I suppose simply stating "I find you very attractive" might be best as it is just all encompassing?
Since attractive just refers to outer features, if you're interested only physically, that's fine. If you want a relationship, pick something that describes your person of choice better or encompasses more features.
"I think you're amazing, would you like to grab a coffee/dinner with me sometime?" would probably work.
If you choose to be this direct, make it clear you don't need an immediate response. The other party didn't have any time to prepare for this, so they may actually need to think about you in this way first of all. This may be the hardest part, because you will not know if you'll get a reply (depends on maturity and courage). You could ask them again once, but then I'd drop it and just assume it's a no, otherwise you may come across as pushy.
The reason most people don't do this is, that they're scared to be turned down or ridiculed (teenagers are assholes). I think from 30 onwards it gets a lot clearer and easier.
Good luck!
Of course not. It's not like I'm Judy Hopps.
It super depends on who's saying it!
OK, this one is a really interesting one.
Male here. There are many contexts. If I was still in high school, and a coach says "Don't be cute with me", I would take it as a compliment. It would mean I was doing a good job pissing him off.