Memes @lemmy.ml

5mo ago

Jeff's magic money machine

226 comments

Easy, buy up a bunch of land for conservation
- Buy $20 for $100 million. If you can "buy" nft's then Idk why you can't buy something with less value.
  
  The $20 bill has a unique serial number just like the nft.
  
  If you can "buy" nft's then Idk why you can't buy something with less value.
  I'll tell you why: because there's nothing with less value than an nft.
  
  i believe the IRS would consider this a gift.
- Property can take a while to close --- offer to title in under 30 days is on the quick side.
  Of course, you could probably close very fast if you offered 100M cash on a 10M property...
  
  If you're buying vacant land and paying cash, you can close really quickly as there's nothing in need of inspection, and loan processing times aren't a factor... I have a buddy who just purchased 100+ acres of vacant land from a logging company. He paid cash and was able to close in just a few weeks.
- In "Bewster's Millions" he also had to have nothing of value at the end.
  So yes that is a good method for this formula of the question.

Easy! Just spend the month in a US hospital without insurance
Hopefully the billion will cover the rest of the bill
- You know it won't
- The bill will come in nine months though. You have spend it within the month.

Sent this to my friend at AWS and he said it was already all-over their internal Memes Slack channel. At least their engineers and project managers are in on the joke. 😁

Create a serverless function on AWS that calls a serverless function on Azure, which calls a serverless function on gcp which calls a serverless function on Oracle cloud which loops it back to AWS.
Now stick CloudFlare in between each step of that.
- Dude, you only have 100 million.

Genie never said they'd give me a 100M to spend in the first place. No way I'd be able to spend 100M that I don't have.
- This reminds me of a scam I fell for in Eve Online once
  
  I wonder whether Eve has more or less scams per capita (player) than Roblox or Runescape
- Find someone rich who would believe you have this pact with a génie, and promise them a 100% ROI.
  Thinking of it, that's not the worst idea for a new ~~sect~~ religion...
  
  Dibs on playing the genie
- First get the spending money then do it. In a non-refundable unable to be altered manner (ignoring the magicially manifesting money part)
- Or worse if he does, how do you prove to all the anti-money-laundering watchdogs you got free money from a genie? Will you be able to gain control over your instantly conviscated money in 30 days?

Ever heard of this game called "Star Citizen"?
- from 714 millions to 814 millions in one day. nice :D
  
  Surely that will be enough for them to finally finish the game right? COPIUM

I'd spend 100M in a month easily. Especially after I've bankrolled GrapheneOS, Ladybird and all my favourite FOSS projects. They also didn't say anything about charity which IMO isn't gifting. Once I feel like I've sufficiently contributed to society I'd buy a 50ft sailboat, pimp the shit out of it with solar and fuck off forever.
With the billion I'd establish a fund that pays out monthly to any projects I deem worthy and funds all food banks in my local area indefinitely.
- Then maybe graphene OS would be able to get enough people to maintain non-pixel builds.
- Especially after I've bankrolled GrapheneOS, Ladybird and all my favourite FOSS projects.
  According to the book The Starfish and the Spider, which is about decentralized organization versus centralized organization, the Spanish Empire was able to defeat the previously-undefeatable Apache resistance by giving gifts of horses to some of the Apache leaders. It provided them status, creating a hierarchy, turning the Apache society into the sort of thing that could be destroyed in conventional battle.
  Not saying it’s a very tight analogy, but I would be wary of changes in team culture resulting from a project going from volunteer based to well-funded.
  Obviously open source projects need resources, such as servers and github accounts and all that, but spirits change when resource flows change, and projects excel or flub on spirit.
- No gifting.
  
  Charity isn't gifting.

"Can I invest in crypto"
"I already said no throwing it away"
- No gambling also applies
- I genuinely laughed out loud at this one. 😂

Buy a few houses? How long does that take if You have cash?
- It's taking the premise of Brewster's Millions, which required that he not only spend the money, but that he has to have nothing left at the end, including assets. So, buying a house doesn't work because you still own the house.
  Obviously there are still plenty of ways to drop millions on stuff without having anything to show for it. Hell, it's probably easier now than ever before. Just become a whale for a mobile game and you're there.
  
  Just become a whale for a mobile game and you’re there.
  I'd rather literally burn all that cash
  
  Excuse me, but my waifu has plenty of assets!
  
  Mobile game, uhg! Think of the services: a month’s worth of the best eats: 90 meals from the world’s 100 most famous chefs, each flown in to serve you. (Presumably 10% would decline even $1m for a single meal.) Concerts from semi-famous bands every three nights. Boom, $100m spent!
  Mobile games are easier and funnier though 😉

I would've thought that this could be quite simple.
A few flights in a private jet, or long-term purchasing for the whole month to take you wherever you want.
Several $250k-500k cars in each location to take you wherever you want
A private show from a famous band can set you back a few million. Do this each day.
Go to Vegas and get in a pissing content with some rich cunt where you send expensive drinks to each others table, until one folds. That'll be a few million each night.
Trump spent a ton on sex, so high class hookers?
A few ads across multiple providers to promote something
Prize fights can be set up quickly, and have the best in combat sports ready in 30 days. Offer $1m per division for the winner, and do it across maybe 4-5 sports, pay for TV and streaming, set up a venue, and you'll probably blow through it all.
- I would spend all 100M to get ads put up all over the country of people who have wronged me and my loved ones. They'll just be like really awful pictures of them with really petty captions like "doesn't help carry suitcases", "laughed at a disabled person", "sneezed too loud that one time". That'll show them.
- Single use luxury cars is my favorite one
- Buy a/some 737 and start an airline. It's easy to spend $100m.
  
  The lead times on aircraft manufacturing is measured in years though. It's so bad that in many cases airlines will lease aircraft from other airlines to the point that it's all meaningless

Easy. Buy 100 homes in my city. Become a landlord. Barely ask rent so it's technically not gifting. Use my infinite money to maintain the homes so people have affordable decent housing. Profit for all!
- Short time later your homes are in ruins and your broke from continuously fixing your houses.
  
  I sincerely doubt that the maintenance bill for 100 houses is going to exceed a billion dollars any time in for foreseeable future.
  
  Found the idle rent seeker, or worse, a bootlicker for idle rent seekers.
  There is a reason why capitalists and socialists both hate landlords, they are a relic of feudalism.
  
  Nah, I guess tips will cover the repairs

I feel like I could easily spend that in microtransactions on some scummy mobile game.
- Diablo Immortal entered the chat.
  
  "Do you guys not have-"
  "ohh dont worry, i've got ALL the phones"

Start a company.
Create a product.
Price it at $100m.
Buy said product from my own company.
- Could probably skip the second half. Overhead and salaries, etc. could put you out 100m.
  
  They said $100,000,000 not $100,000. With $100 million you could start 10 companies easily and still end up profitable if even one of them hits paydirt.

Just pay for a couple people's cancer hospital bills.
- Sounds like gifting
  
  In normal countries it's called tax
- Is paying for something for someone else not gifting?
  
  In normal countries it's called tax

Can I do the lobbying thing to get a nice human rights or climate law passed or is 100M still too poor for that
- That sounds like gifting
  
  I think it would officially be lobbying, or, in laymans terms, bribery.

Surely the answer to this is to buy really short term options. Bad case is you lose all the money and get a billion. Good case is that you make even more money.
- They said no gambling
  
  Wouldn’t that be classified as “investing” at least according to the government.
  
  Investing is not gambling by any definition.

Treasury bonds here I come
- Investments are probably covered under "gambling".

Buy a supreme Court justice with the first 100M, then the rest of the court with the other Billion.
- You're overpaying, justices aren't that pricey
  
  Yea, once you've bought all of the SC ig you could spend the remaining 99 million on Congress or something

I'll buy $100m worth of stocks from all the public companies every month.
- Genie: Listen here you little shit
- Stocks are liquid enough that the genie may not consider it "spending". You could easily buy it, and then just as easily dump it. The move is also big enough that you'll single handedly move the market in the process.
- For a genie it may sound like gambling.
  
  genie just doesn’t know how to read fundamentals
  
  I call it investing if I can reason the reaons for specific stocks.
- No gambling
  
  I still "bought" the stocks besides almost everything we buy is a gamble anyways.

Soooo easy, buy some "art" at an auction, probably take me two days.
- If that isn't gambling, what is?
  
  Betting money on things. This is just buying something that costs waaaay more than it's worth. It's pretty close to money laundering, but not gambling. I don't care if it holds any value, I just want to spend 100 mil fast. You can easily do that on one piece of art.

Can I just keep the 100 million? I don't think I need a billion.
- I'll take your billion.
  
  This is the kinda selfless attitude the world needs.
  
  Unfortunately you're not spending my 100 million so you can get 1 billion.

Crash the dollar by entering the whole amount in the stock market? Or are stocks also considered gambling?

Just buy some commercial property, island, luxury house that is worth 100M, it can be done in less then a week. 3 weeks left to think and organize how to spend 1 billion in 1 day.
- No you're getting somewhere. Buy 1B in property put it in a company. Then use that as a mortgage to get a higher loan to buy some more. This way you can in addition avoid paying taxes.

Just buy like 10 apartments in New York.
- or preorder a yacht

Give it all away anyway. Screw that genie, wealth hoarding jerk. At worst he kills you and you leave a saintly legacy.
- seems better to just spend the 100M like he wants and then just give the remaining 900M away.
  
  yeh, I do rather value my life. Got a bit attached to it once I came out of the womb.

The problem is that it's so much money that you can clear out the inventory of almost anything you would buy while only chewing a few percent off the bankroll. Provided you can close on them in time, buying up some high end houses, or just a whole lot of land, is probably your best bet. Being a cash deal on your end helps move the paperwork faster. They're also durable goods that don't need a warehouse to be stored, and don't need any maintenance for a while.
- The problem is that it’s so much money that you can clear out the inventory of almost anything you would buy while only chewing a few percent off the bankroll.
  I shop at Burgess.
  
  Then you have to pay to berth it somewhere, and for maintenance because your boat touches salt water. Land will just sit there until you can flip it, though you do have some property taxes and insurance. A handful of acres around Beverly Hills will do it.

Would donations count as gifting? There are so many FOSS projects that could use the cash inflow.
If it doesn't count, well, prepare for a deluge of hentai to show up in a month.
- I was thinking about not donating to charity but buying stuff directly and asking them for support to ship it. Basically that makes you buy and not gift. If you buy 1 gigaton of rice for Ethiopia (I have no clue how many people a gigaton of rice would feed and I also have no clue whether Ethiopians need any rice) from Costco, well, then you have spent the money on it. Fuck it, maybe buy a boat. A ferry to ship it all directly. Buy land and don't gift but let workers work there. For free. For eternity. Oh you happen to pay them 50 times the average salary of their country? Well you're probably a bad businessman but you're not gifting. Pay the lawyers to make a bulletproof testament where you explicitly state that these poor fellas will never own the land but will for eternity be able to use it for free until the sun explodes.
  And then bribe. Bribe away the heartache, bribe away the pain. Bribe the SCOTUS to retire. Bribe Putin to stop the war and fuck off. Bribe Trump to fuck off. Bribe Musk to get a vasectomy and fuck off. I mean you're basically just lobbying at that point but we all know that that's bribing and not gifting.
  
  I also have no clue whether Ethiopians need any rice
  The Ethiopian famine was 30 years ago. Not that they haven't had troubles off-and-on since then.
  
  I love that idea that you'd just go to your local Costco, say "One gigaton of rice please" and they give you a voucher to go to the front of the store where high value items are handed out after purchase.
- Yes. You can buy their support though.

I'll just pay someone 100 million to punch the genie

how to spend 100+ Million in less than a month. Buy a jet.

Just buy all the Star Citizen goodies

Warhammer!!
- Genie: There are 5 rules...
  
  I mean c'mon genie, that barely covers my Kharadron, Drukhari, and Votan dream collections.
- also already covered by rule #3

Just buy like every house lol. Actually just put in an offer for any house for a 100 mil.
- sorry no, credit score is bad so we refuse to sell to you
  
  I would guess they accept cash offers regardless of credit score?
  
  It's cash, not a loan.

Does a Gacha count as gambling? I'm still missing some ZZZ Agents and some Nikkes

The Brewster's Millions genie
- Great movie. In this case, at end of this one you can have assets and apparently also tell your friends what you're up to.

What do you know, my brother just opened up an art auction house.

I would buy so many windmill permits with that money.

Ill show up to dealership row and just start buying out car dealerships until I hit 100m and have that done in an afternoon
- Bad investment, you can't resell them for nearly as much and you've contributed to the automobile industry that is lobbying hard against climate change policy
  I'd start buying up mid-sized companies and reorganizing them as worker co-ops. Doing some long-term good while not violating the terms of the contract
  If you're just after the money, do as every billionaire looking to launder some money does and buy art.
  
  no way are you finishing a company takeover in a month

I'll pay for college for a large number of people and pay a lawyer to defend my action as not "giving it away."
- Just make them pay you a dollar for the service. Now it's not giving it away since you are technically getting something out of it.
  
  A better educated and less impoverished population is something, too.

YOU DIDN'T SAY AZURE, RACKSPACE, OR OVH!

Since buying and giving in permament use is not gifting, I can go with that option.

I am going to finance some movies and video games. I might even make it back.

I'll buy 3 yachts. Pre-paid.

Can I buy 100MM in gold?
- You'd have 100M in gold to spend.

I'll just invest that into a nice, stable, diverse stock portfolio then, and use the dividends to both live on and start a charitable non-profit. Building shelters, donating to politicians who champion human rights, education, healthcare, founding free clinics, angel investing in co-op businesses, and funding food banks isn't giving away the money after all. it'll be slow going but pay broader dividends down the road.

Can I use Adobe?
There are 5 rules

Just buy Nvidia DGX machines and make your own AWS.

I could blow 100M monthly on AWS. Probably take me the first month to spin it all up, easy from there.

Just buy one ticket to a Taylor Swift concert and you're already a billion dollar richer

Overpay for Monero.
The purchase would be the inflation skyrocket making those in...business...with Monero experience short buff on their previous conduct and product supply quality.
This incentivizes them into produce more products no one else can afford. It'll buff their stock and increase their desperation to sell.
I'll be stacked with cash to buy it all with gorram near zero oppositional bids.
If the market is short on Monero for that rate, I can buff the crypto with BTC and Bisq it to what actually fucking matters.
- I think that wouldn't quite count as an expense as it sounds more like simple currency exchange, similar to trading 100m dollars for 90 million euros.
  
  You're missing what I bought. The Product. Not the Monero. The stuff you can buy with Monero. It's a whole process sure. But if it took time to receive what I buy do I have to pay for something i may not receive? Can I get credit for something that is stolen from me because I bought it without a third party verification? If I pay 100m now (or whatever, just in principle as part of the whole picture i mean) and match the time before the buy but don't get my shit for a week which ends over the month agreement with the genie, have I not already made the purchase an get credit?
  I mean fuck, at that rate I might just go and buy the market its fucking self. I'll get one from the genie and a hundred from the gorram market itself,
- So your play is own all the drugs?
  
  My anti-religion practice has zero respect or acknowledgement of ownership outside this skull. So, by function, sure, I can acknowledge what you will do because but that just means a mean to the end which I assure you will create a good sense of mind outside my own.

I'm gonna buy 100 million tacos. That should provide adequate sustenance for the doctor who marathon.

Quickie marriage with a $100 million prenup
- Then rail the maid of honor on the wedding cake table. Time's a wasting!
  
  Oh, no no no. For that much monet, you find out why he's called the best man

226 comments