Nihilist would give him one star

"The hotel was perfect but the weather was bad." 3/5
- that's the essence of many reviews unfortunately ha
  
  Sometimes for gits and shiggles, I'll check the one star reviews for things I know are going to trip inexperienced people up.
  Like... It's basically the "substituted flour with powdered eggplant and milk with tobacco sauce, 1/10 tasted horrible but I followed the recipe exactly" meme
  Especially anything with DIY properties. "doesn't work, connected to the battery and it immediately blew up" when it's clear from the picture they hooked a 48v battery into a 12v speed controller. Or cut some wires they weren't supposed to. Or reversed polarity of an important component. Or....
  And rather than admit they fucked it up, they give bad reviews.
  I particularly like when the listing is clearly for something that requires assembly, and bad reviews complain it came "in pieces". READ, YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKERS
  And if you see a bunch of bad grammar, and inconsistent specs in a listing.... Maybe don't put too much faith in the $5 item that would cost $100 if you bought it from a licensed and certified source with quality assurance...
- It's probably great, but UPS lost it. 1/5. Would be 0/5 if I could give 0.
  
  Just arrived today and looks great but haven't had a chance to try it yet. 5/5
- Why do they use [FedEx/UPS/USPS]?! [FedEx/UPS/USPS] can never find my house! [FedEx/UPS/USPS] is the WORST shipping service of all of them! Product is amazing though.
  -three separate one-star reviews
  
  POV: 3 separate 1-star reviews are as good as one 3-star review

Handjob afterwards
- I can give myself a handjob. You want that fifth star you better get to suckin.
  
  something something Marilyn Manson something something bottom two ribs
  
  Yes. Here's a lovely song explaining it: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6HQgKGOFHFE

One star off because the doctor is the one who hit them with a Mercedes

There‘s an intrinsic bias to never (or rarely) give the maximum or minimum on a rating scale. source
- I don't bother writing a review unless it's a one or five star. Maybe a particularly offensive two star
- But really! In Japan, most people do 3 stars for great service. Most good businesses have 2.5-3.5 stars.

That 5th star was for making his life worth saving.

One way to get five star ratings would be climbing a tall building, enabling GOD MODE, and then blasting anything that moves with RPGs... At least that's how I remember GTA San Andreas

Saved their life, put them into crippling medical debt.
- Well that's on insurance, not the doctor.
  
  Actually it's on the hospital Chargemaster

Imagine seen the light, feeling the peace and the BAM... an asshole saved your life. And he thinks he deserves 5 stars. The audacity

A nihilist probably wouldn't leave a review, or would. Honestly, it doesn't matter.

I worked in craft beer marketing for a while and the running joke about untapped was something like...
"Best lager I've ever had... I don't like lagers. 1 star."

Hi, nihilist here, and I would have probably left instructions to give him five stars if he was cool about it. I mean I'm not going to recommend a jerk even if I'm already dead.
- Here Lies Etterra,
  His doctor was a jerk. Do not recommend.