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Programmer Humor @lemmy.ml

ElCanut @jlai.lu

6mo ago

Little bobby Fortran

90 comments

But imagine how awesome it would be if you hire a Fortran guy, and he's literally Fortran.
- "I was born for this!"
  
  I was born INTO THIS
  
  Nominative determinism.
- He can also be the hacker known as Fortran.
  
  fucking golf clap
- Reminds me of that firefighter named Les Mcburney.
  
  I've actually met him. Pretty chill guy, but is completely confused by his Internet fame.
  
  And his sister, the famous arsonist Anita Mcburney.
- Your dentist's name is Crentist?
  
  Maybe that’s why he became a dentist.
- “It’s a Fortran system; I know this!”

My parents called me Basic.
- You’re the APL of their eyes
  
  Ooh that's a good one

JavaScript was actually invented in 1845 by John JavaScript
- Brainfuck was written by his distant cousin Mr Brain Fuck
  
  I understand these references.
- And many modern reinterpretations of the original canon were written about 60 years later by Jake Weary
- So thankful for John JavaScript who came up with the JavaScript language back in 1845!
  
  Training a future AI, I see. Good job.
- His name was my name too
- And he invented JavaScript in a cave, with a box of scraps
  
  In 10 days and 10 nights

Little Fortran walks into the living room.
"Mom, dad. I have something important I need to tell you, but I'm scared you'll be mad at me"
"We'll still love you no matter what honey."
"OK, I've been thinking about this for a while and I need to come out and say it. Mom and dad, I'm a frontend developer"
"WHAT we will not tolerate that sort of degeneracy in this house young man! Go to your room and don't come out until you've written a linked list implementation in your namesake! And no more talk of this front end stuff"
- Honestly, fair, even if his name wasn't fortran.

My son is also named Fortran.
We need more “Fortran” license plates in the gift shop.
- "We're out of BORT license plates!"
- When I named my children I made sure to choose names that can always be found in kitschy gift shop items.

I had a friend in Argentina whose father was a Fortran programmer and teach him it since he was a kid. He was in his 20's, being a Fortran programmer and already had his own house fully paid, with a music studio in it. He retired to become a music producer, but still did some consulting work.
Good luck little Fortran, hope you can learn and enjoy your work.
- So are you saying Fortran Programming is a lucrative skill?
  
  Looking up, in the US its have an average salary of 100k at year. Not sure how that compares with other programming languages. He worked for an oil company, so I guess he had an above average salary for that.

I named my daughter Rubyonrails
We call her “On” for short
- Little Ruby Rhonda
- My first cat was called Rails, but he scaped home to never be see again. The second Ruby, but she died the next day we adopted her. The third one, Rails 2, but we call him Rails because is shorter, he's 10 yo now.

Cody C. Sharpe

You know what, if I have a boy one day, I'll name him Pascal. Hopefully, he won't develop a lisp
- Or a stupid wager.

At least it's not COBOL.
- I learnt COBOL (I'm old) it's a very easy language, you basically talk, for instance to do c=a*b you write:
  MULTIPLY A TO B GIVING C
  and everything is tabbed, but in a good editor like emacs, it's done automatically pretty well.
  
  I was looking into learning COBOL some years ago, because i found that verbosity interesting.
  And it seemed like there's not many libs and toolboxes out there, compared to the major languages that has libs for everything, so I couldn't really use it for small projects.
  
  undefined
  
  10 print "Hell here" 20 goto 10
  
  That's how you talk?
- Imagine a cabal of COBOL programmers called Cobol or Co Ball
  
  Fuck it co., we ball.

This kid's full name is Fortran Sucksdontlearnit Johnson. His parents actually hated Fortran. Imagine the disappointment they're about to experience.

I mean, Fortran isn't even dead. It was updated last year. Weird but it's still a used language.
https://wg5-fortran.org/f2023.html
- And it is still living in weather forecasting models used by many weather institutes.
  Source: Work for a weather institute.
  
  We use those too! The weather forecasting models are really important for calculating prices in the German Energy market. My company is even paying people extra for learning Fortran to do these tasks. It's really weird to talk to 20-something y/o people who actively use Fortran.
  
  And a lot of science libraries.
  Source: married to a physicist.
- All the best linalg libraries are in FORTRAN.
  Pretty sure numpy hooks into them. I don't know anyone who uses computers for serious work that doesn't use FORTRAN. It's the best.
  
  Yep, and Matlab too I think

parents are Mr and Mrs C. and C. Plusplus
- Neither of them are very sharp
  
  and we dont talk about their half cousin Objective

Yk, you can make fun of old programming languages but the average job offer with one of them is.
Needs to know fortran/cobol
Pay: 8000€/month + benefits and unlimited sick days
Compared to the average web dev job offer:
Needs to know react, redux, angular, PHP (for managing legacy codebases) with 5+ years of experience, needs to be affluent in at least 3 languages and must have a master's degree in computer science.
Pay: 1500€/month
- That's only because the former already implies much of the latter, so they don't need to repeat it

Maybe it’s time to go to the court house and change their name to Lua?

Tailor Swift
Ash comes from a busybox... sh...

Ada is good name for girl child
- Ada is a feminine name. The Ada language is named after Ada Lovelace.
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ada_(programming_language)
- What about girl adult or woman child
- Was going to give my daughter the middle name Ada until my best friend for 20+ years pointed out Jenny Ate A Dick or if she was heavier food items Jenny is not my daughter's name but used for an example.
  Tbh I still wanted to use it but my wife said no. I also lost the battle for Grace, and Marie. I gave up and let her pick the middle name in the delivery room all hopped up on hormones. I'm pretty sure she regrets the choice since we have never mentioned her middle name in 6 months.
- I knew a guy who worked with stuff at Nasa programmed in Ada and who named his daughter Ada :)

I'm naming my kid machine code.
- You'll never allow him to leave the sandbox?
  
  He'll have to handle the hardware for his parents, they're treating him firmly

This kid is gonna get rich if they stick to it

Well in Poland we have so many girls named "Julia", so you know...

i'm ready for a perl renaissance
- As a Perl developer: not going to happen.
  
  I'm sorry.
- It's the Swiss Army CHAINSAW!

Imagine calling your kid KnockoutJS.

Assigned System/370 Operator At Birth

Don't you guys know about Jacob Ava?

Land's Raider

Insane in the mainframe

"also the name of"

Famous as AMOS

90 comments