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Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world

Striker @lemmy.world

6mo ago

Help me out here

56 comments

"I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."
- If i said you have a nice body would you take off your clothes and do a little dance?
  
  "I am no longer infected!"
  
  If you throw some money at me I would
- Remember Kif: the fastest way to a woman's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
- Well at least there's something we can all agree on.
  
  Relevant last place comic:

Idk why but censoring Rddit is way funnier than it should be
- Oh it's reddit? I thought it was censoring out a name of a planet.
  
  Huh I thought it's a country name.
- I prefer Re***t
- It’s the most ****it sentence over ever read

If by immediate you mean in govermental decision making scale i.e. couple of weeks or months then I once saw a guy being an actual decent person to be around without expecting anything in return and he had no problem getting around.
- Nah. You see I stay in my room 23 and a half hours a day. What I would prefer is if they could be Lured to my room and then I say the thing and then we plow. Like your plan is good but I dunno. At a minimum, how long would this plan require me to be outside of my room for?
  
  At least 10 more minutes
  
  Become a trapdoor spider, and leave a basket of Bed Bath and Beyond gift cards outside your door as bait?
  Step two say ????? No idea what really. Maybe cross your fingers you have a shared interest and the whole kidnapping thing isn't a big deal.
  Step three be in a relationship, and probably learn to leave room more often.
- Yeah I know 3 different plus sized gamers who are happily married

Maybe start by not referring to them as ‘females’ or talking about ‘luring’ them to your room
- He calls it his lair.
  
  *dungeon

TIL: there is such a thing as a stupid question.
- There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

“Plus Size Gamer”
Dude, we’re fat or even obese.

I heard that showing her how unfair it is that just because you are nice no one wants to sleep with you, is the best way to make her sleep with you out of obvious obligation to your nice personality and unjust fate
- Also in this context being weird and shy counts as nice. You don't actually have to make any effort!
  
  And you simply must begin and end every sentence with uWu, obviously.
  
  Well maybe they’ve gotten enough nice points they can turn them in for one sex?

I used to know one who would go for "here's $100", though that was many many years ago and I don't know if she still lives that kind of life. I haven't kept up with anyone from high-school, much less friends of friends.

"You should smile more. You'd be a lot prettier"

No clue, but I would start by not referring to them as females, just a hunch.

"Hi, I'm Gabe"

"$3 million/year, 1 night/week."
- ~150,000/night is a hefty cost.
  
  To betray one's own heart in the interest of profit, such a cost is fair.
  
  ever been married?

You don't have to say anything, just show them the sweet skills you've developed while studying the blade.

Han shot first

John Madden. Football.

"plus sized"

There's one in the Austin Powers movies with a funny scottish accent.
I don't think he's not a gamer tho. "Dead sexy" funny guy nonetheless.
- I believe his pick up line was: "Listen missy, do you fancy another go? Because once you've had fat you never go back."
  He had other lines the ladies love like:
  "First things first. Where’s your shitter?! I’ve got a turtle head poking out!"
- Fat Bastard?

This is semi unrelated, but I think still somewhat fitting. There's this one guy in our festival group that sometimes is away, no one knows where he's at but chances are high, he's fucking someone. He's that kind of guy, that ladies fall for when he drops lines like "hi, I'm (redacted) and how do your pants open?"
If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't believe it.

The prequels were better

Well, actually...

56 comments