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alyaza [they/she] @beehaw.org

how's your week going, Beehaw

hello Beehaw, it's a sleepy morning--and i did not get very much sleep. luckily i have no social priorities so this is not a big deal. currently reading a number of books after completely crashing out of doing that for the entire month of June. i think i can get about 3 in before the end of the month, we'll see

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  • Just created my account here in the past day. I know it probably can't last, but I don't think I've had that "cozy" feeling right away in a forum or other online community like this in decades, and I'd say it was somewhat rare even "back in the day."

    So far folks seem to live up to the stated goals of the place and I think that's pretty great.

    So my day is going pretty good because that's a pleasant surprise, and because a stressful work event today ended up being not too stressful after all.

    • welcome! i created my account over a month ago but i agree, this is the most civil & "cozy" site i've seen in a while since small niche blogs & forums were actually a thing. places like this have been rare af since the late 2010s, so it's refreshing to see such a place with this many users

  • Hey!

    I'm actually having a really sad week. My mother had a heart attack on Saturday evening (really unexpected, no history, they still don't know why) and collapsed. She lost oxygen to her brain for about 10 minutes. I'm trying to help my family and my dad through this time and I am finding anecdotes about people recovering (even if hard fought) but it's hard because she is still not really responding to verbal communications. I remain hopeful that it will get better but can't help the intrusive thoughts that the wonderful woman who raised me may be gone.

    If anyone has been in a situation similar and has advice, I am all ears!

    I apologize for the downer, and hope everyone else is doing better than I am.

    • Not exactly the same but my grandmother had a stroke that left her unable to care for herself although mostly mentally intact. She was miserable and never adjusted. It was hell, and everyone was relieved when she died. I know that sounds horrible but there was nothing we could do to ease her suffering.

      All I can really say is that brain injuries are awful, even if things turn out as well as they can the road there is going to be hell. Remember to take care of yourself, you'll have days of grief and anger when you think thoughts you're not proud of. Do not judge yourself too harshly, or your family.

      You will need time and space to grieve and it's going to be very hard to get that at the moment. Try to make space when you can, and understand that everyone else needs that too. You will need support, your friends and extended family might avoid bring your mum up believing that it spares you suffering to avoid thinking about the situation. You might need to be quite explicit with your needs around emotional support, conversations, venting, and advice.

      I am sorry, my heart goes out to you. Generally the prognosis for brain injuries isn't good, and it's probably best to set expectations around that to avoid self blame and another round of grief if things don't improve. That said stimulation is important for brain healing, particularly early on. Try to chatter, ask questions etc even though you might not get a response. Play music she likes, try to do things around her/in view. Try physical therapy stuff if she's mobile. Even gentle movement of limbs by another person can help prompt re-connection of neural pathways.

      Good luck

    • I'm so sorry to hear that. My apologies, I can't say I have any specific advice from a place of experience. I hope you have a strong support network outside of your immediate family that you can lean on at the moment, it's hard to find space for yourself and your own emotions when you're also trying to support other people. I wish you and your family all the best x

  • My mother got put back on her disability benefits and now I'm hunting down apartments for us to live in to get out of a bad housing situation that we were stuck in because it was cheap and we only had one income.

    Got two viewings this week.

  • my weeks been great, been eatin dino nuggets and watchin movies

  • Yeah. I just finished a book that I really enjoyed called A Day Of Fallen Night which is a pretty cool to The Priory Of The Orange Tree if you've heard of it. It really was a great read, but the pacing and chosen method for organizing the various character viewpoints made my skin crawl more than once. It was frustrating, but one of those books that I really wanted to read regardless.

    There is once a book that I read through, because once I'm committed I find it very hard to stop reading, but it was by far the most horrendous experience ever because the author didn't use quotes for the entire book and I had a real hard time following the dialogue.

    Just finished also a couple of novellas which were a really nice and different from the more intense (e.g. action heavy) books I tend to read. They were the first books I've read where the protagonist is non-binary and referred to as they. It was challenging in some ways but also very good for me as well. A Psalm For The Wild-built and it's sequel A Prayer for the Crown-Shy.

    Writing styles can certainly make a break books.

    That Meltdown book looks interesting!

  • It's okay. I hit a new weight high of 129 lbs (I am 5'11" so hitting as low as 119 is fucked) but now the idea of eating even more is extra nauseating and unappealing. About to see my therapist though and they'll be thrilled with the gains. Anyone else fucking despise food and eating and biological needs??

    • My wife has struggled with disordered eating, and it's been a long journey for both of us. She is also tall and got to a really scary place. She's doing much better now, but it continues to be a process. Keep up the great work and don't give up!

  • I'm hopefully going to meet my boyfriend in 2 days

  • The bad: I made the worst mistake at work I've made so far, so I'm getting started on the wrong foot. I'm doing what I can to fix it, but I dropped the ball on one of my clients, and it's tearing me apart.

    Plus, it turns out Chuck Palahniuk is a raging misogynist, so I need to find a different book.

    The good: Doggies are cute, and so are kitties

  • Massive windstorm came through my area last Friday afternoon. Had like Cat 1 hurricane winds. In the Midwest US. So it knocked down trees and powerlines all over the metro area. I was out of power from 4:00pm on Friday through 8:30pm Monday.

    So it was a shitty weekend. I (and my brother who's visiting) stayed in my apartment on Friday night, which was sweltering. Humidity and like 85F (29.4C) temps inside, even with windows open, made it miserable to sleep. Saturday, we spent like 7hrs at my company's tiny office (we're actually full remote) charging up phones and battery banks, while just hanging out and enjoying the AC. But we stayed in my apt again on Saturday night, which was just a bit cooler, but enough that I was able to sleep like 8hrs. Sunday during the day was OK, but then it rained again and got sunny afterwards, driving up humidity. We finally decided to get a hotel room. On Monday, after checking out, we hung out at the local library to work (I could've gone to my office, but I knew a couple co-workers w/o power at home were there). Monday evening was a little cooler again, so we braved the apt, and then the power came back. Even through Tuesday, there were still like a thousand customers in the metro without power. I think the utility is back to normal ops now.

    Overall, it just a wasted weekend. It sorta felt like homelessness, especially when going to my office, then to the hotel, then going to the library. At my apartment, it was sorta like camping but way less fun.

    At least I had no property damage or injuries. Driving around, I saw lots of trees on houses. I saw at least a few vehicles that looked totally destroyed since trees fell on them. So it could've been worse for us.

  • I had a really difficult weekend and didn't sleep much last night, but I did sell a piece of jewelry that I'm really proud of yesterday, so that's a bright spot.

  • Sigh, I'm okay. Work is really stressful lately. I went through an acquisition, and really got demoted in both rank and importance. Defeating, but, I'm also still glad to have a job where I can work from where my cats live.

  • Went to a coffee cupping class and got to talk shop with other coffee roasters. It’s been a great start to the week.

  • I'm trying to find a new job asap! Last week was really the last straw. I was hired for a technical position but for the past two years I've done nothing but punishing manual labor almost entirely unrelated to my job. I don't mind working outside my job description but the reality is I've lost so much knowledge just from being out of practice. I hope it hasn't ruined my shot at the right job. Its technically possible for me to return to school full time but I'm not sure I could 1) make the sacrifices required and 2) actually succeed. I've failed twice already.

    I know everyone working out in the field wishes they had a desk job and vice versa, but damn I'd love a cubicle.

  • Pretty much like the last couple: Not fast enough during the work parts, the weekend will probably fly by so fast it'll feel like I didn't have one. Rinse, repeat.

  • Things are much calmer than last week workwise and I have a couple of days off this week thankfully. Saw the first of a few Edinburgh previews last night which was great (was in a damp side room of a pub so felt like being at the fringe already). Seeing an outdoor Shakespeare play on Friday so hoping it stops raining before then!

  • Dealing with my executive dysfunction. I managed to study for 90 minutes this Monday morning, and I tried to continue that same afternoon, but I couldn't do more than 30 minutes.

    I need to put my head in order to avoid those situations, but I can't.

    • On the other hand, you've managed two hours of study this week, and that's ok.

  • I've been playing Tears of the Kingdom a lot which is great!

    But today I'm suddenly feeling pretty sad. I have really bad executive dysfunction and ADHD and there's a lot of things I want to draw. There's Art Fight and also this July art prompt list for a fandom I really want to do some art for, but I don't know if I have the time or motivation to do it. Not to mention there's an art commission that I haven't finished and they've been waiting a while. They have been so patient but I've been planning to get it done this summer and it feels like it's almost over. And like, I have hobbies outside of drawing so that makes it harder.

    Also r/place starts today. I loved r/place last year. It was incredible to participate in and see. But all the shit Reddit has pulled and how bitter I feel towards it has really put a damper on it and I feel sad just thinking about it.

    I'm also pretty bummed out about how...empty the fediverse feels in a lot of corners. Even the communities that have opened as a substitute for other subreddits are often empty or inactive. There seems to be a lack of a fandom on Fediverse which means it feels pretty lonely and even if I made stuff relating to that I feel like it wouldn't get a lot of attention.

  • I have to give a presentation soon and I am not looking forward to it.

    Even worse, today I found the bread and peaches I was gonna eat this week are moldy!! T_T The bread is over a week old so maybe it makes sense, but the peaches I just bought the other day!! It's annoying. But hopefully things will turn around from here.

  • Looking forward to my two weeks holidays starting next week.

    Really dragging this week out knowing I'll be off though.

    Have so many games and shows to get stuck into. TOTK has been neglected for too long.

  • Good. I came out as bi to my cousin yesterday. I've actually been having an ok week. I hope things stay ok

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