6mo ago

Pearls Before Swine creator Stephan Pastis breaks 25% of the law.

70 comments

Three out of four of those corners (including the one in which the gummies are a misdemeanor) are also within the Navajo Nation. Kinda feels like that tribal jurisdiction ought to matter.
- They do. And for most purposes each reservation is it's own little defacto nation. They aren't truly, but definitely in spirit lol.
  
  Each nation has its own agreement with the USA that defines these things, it's weird. I think it's in Wisconsin where tribe members retain hunting and fishing rights to a lake sold as a private lake, when cops showed up, they had to let them fish and hunt or the land would be returned to the tribe. As per the agreement from long ago.
  
  They don't necessarily. Historically they didn't have jurisdiction over non-tribal members. Now there are some detainment powers, but it is not 100% clear still.
- Ummm that is a sold sort of. It is more clear now, but is history tribal police couldn't reinforce the law or even detain non tribal members. After a supreme court ruling and a new federal law tribal place have some power over non-tribal members. But not to necessarily to the extent of other local law enforcement.

However, he is crossing 3 state lines in the process, breaking federal law.
- running in circles at the 4 corners smoking a spliff so i can get the felony high score
- Like the old pun goes:
  Crossing (sea)gulls across the state lion for immortal porpoises.
- Did he not break federal law when purchasing them? Or is it just the sale of that is federally illegal? Never bothered to look.
  
  Transporting across state lines is weird and federally regulated.
  
  If they were made with hemp grown in compliance with the 2018 farm bill, they should be federally legal. Places ship hemp derived gummies across state lines all the time.
  
  Crossing state lines is interstate commerce, and that is federal jurisdiction.

What happens if you get an abortion on that spot?
- In his order, abortion is: Homicide after 15 weeks and before a 24-hour waiting period, Legal at your convenience, Legal at your convenience but only if the mother is in danger, Homicide after 18 weeks and before a 72-hour waiting period.
  The only way to perform an abortion on that spot that is 100% legal is if it is done before 15 weeks, after waiting 72 hours, and the mother's life is in danger.
  
  Wait three days for a medical procedure and nobody bats an eye.
  Wait three days for a firearm and everybody loses their minds.
  
  This guy aborts
  
  Waiting 72 hours? Sounds like you just waited 15 weeks. Let me flush this gummy!
- Thermonuclear annihilation
  
  https://youtu.be/kPlcjF5PKP4
- Clouds will form over the spot as a warm wind blows in from the southeast. Flecks of rain will fall and a slow rumble will build from below as the ground shakes and a hole appears from the fallen ground. A representative of each will be sent: a sheriff, an artist, a socially conscious libertarian, and a racist.
  They will each give you one gift and then the sheriff arrests you and takes you to be judged by the racists. The others watch on in quiet disapproval, to the abortion or the arrest it isn't clear. The racist then says "As foretold, the skies open and you're on trial in another state."
- A lot of slack-jawed tourists. Probably some dehydration as well.
- Going out of your way to have an abortion exactly there?
  That sounds just like a ~~satanic~~ withcraft ritual.
  Not sure if there more or less steps, maybe it just IS considering abortion used to be a job for the local herbalist women.

Man my brain is toast.
I was scratching my head wondering which state would ban gummy bears and why no one in the comments seemed curious about that.
Then I realized weed gummies.
- Nah man, Utah made gummy vitamins a misdemeanor to ensure kids wouldn't get tricked into enjoying them. /S
- Man my brain is toast.
  Do... erm... gummies have anything to do with it?

His pockets are only in two states each. He may be in physical possession of illegal drugs for that one state, but the drugs themselves may not be there. How would that be ruled?
- Technically they're on his person which is how possession is usually defined.
  
  But possession is 9/10 of the law which means means this is only 9/40 or .225 illegal
- Maybe he was spinning around at the time.
  
  Spin Up or Spin Down?
- Schrödinger’s weed
- by the judge beating the shit out of you
  
  Battle judges
- Ah, you beat me to it. But don't forget the back pockets.

Love me some Four Corners mischief. There is usually a food truck there serving Native American frybread - delicious!!!
- Do they sell "Indian tacos?" I had that when I was working at a local TV station shooting news footage of a regional powwow and it was awesome. Taco ingredients on the frybread you're talking about.
  I'm not meaning to be culturally insensitive. They called them Indian tacos, not me.
  
  We're calling them freedom tacos now you god damn xenophobe.
  
  A high quality chalupa.
  
  Yes, American Indians prefer to be called Indians, not native Americans. You’re not being insensitive.
- Holy shit I haven't thought about frybread in like, a decade and now you made me think about it. How dare you.
  
  Luckily it is not too hard to make my friend! Whip yourself up a batch tonight.
- I miss fry bread sooo much. I always try to tell people it's like funnel cake but simpler. I haven't had it since I've been to Havasupai.
  
  Go to Tocabe if you're ever in Denver

Yes, i always document my crimes.
- “Those where theoretical gummies to proof a point”
  Thats why they are “in his pocket” and now openly On display.
  Could also argue my left leg and pocket didnt cross the border, only my right did.
- Habeus Corpus. Any judge would laugh a prosecutor out of the court if this was the only evidence.
  Then they would probably be fired.
  
  What about credit card statements showing purchase history from a dispensary, smartphone location data of him going to said dispensary, Google account search history of searching for "dispensary near me" and ai facial recognition - assisted cctv footage of him buying it? I'm pretty sure the government can get that stuff fairly easily.

I think of the Simpson's episode with sideshow Bob and the 5 corners. I shoot you from here, the bullet passes through there, you die in x and fall into ...
Edit: if to of
- Just saw that yesterday and so I did too. (think of it that is)
  
  D'oh!

I would not have posted this. The long dick of the law makes an echidna's look normal.
- I think it would be pretty much impossible to prove he had gummies in his pocket at the time. I also don't know that Stephan Pastis is the right person to make an example of.
  
  he also didn't specify what kind of gummies
  They could have been caffeine gummies and he was talking about them being illegal in the eyes of the LDS church in Utah.
- Err... I meant DUMMIES! These damn dummies in my pocket ...

Better watch out for the long arm of 1/4 of the law.

It's either more or less than 25%, depending on whether he has the gummies in his left, right or back pocket.

70 comments