2y ago

PSA.

182 comments

A guy came into the ER with a teacup up his ass.
The doctor asked how it happened.
The doctor said, in the writing where I was reading about this whole event: “What followed was a long and startling story that I immediately regretted asking for.”
- See, this is why it's important to buy teacups with flared bases.
  
  Boof Cups (tm)
- yeah right, he was probably cleaning the kitchen, slipped and fell on it, just like everyone else.
  
  That’s pretty much exactly what he said, he just took a long time to say it, which was what led to the deep, deep regret on the part of the doctor. He was dusting up on a ladder, drinking tea, totally naked, and then he fell, and oh no look what has happened now.
  
  Hate when that happens!
  
  No, it's his friend's magical teacup that goes wherever you command it. This poor victim just wasn't careful with his incredulous utterance when his friend told him about it.
  
  Million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.
- "If that ever happens, you need two things and two things quickly: a pair of ice tongs and a friend who can keep a secret."
  -Dave Attell
  
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaHENCqbwQw&t=230s
- Where else would I put my tea bag
  
  it's a TEA CUP. EVEN WORSE.
- This has been a story about some people who were punished entirely too much for what they did. They wanted to have a good time, but they were like children playing in the street. We really all were very happy for a while, sitting around not toiling but just bullshitting and playing, but it was for such a terrible brief time, and then the punishment was beyond belief: even when we could see it, we could not believe it.
- The implication that not only did he not just put it up there, but that there was a whole boatload of context that neither of them were happy to know of
- "I fell" works well enough.

Just cut off the penis, remove the ring and then reattach the penis. Do I have to do everyone's job around here?
- Unless it's already detachable.
  
  Sometimes I think I should get it permanently attached
- Slap a summer sausage in the middle there for extra length and it's win-win
  
  Like I tell everyone I sleep with, I got 9 inches for you, just be ready to take it in 3 doses ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

It appears the market has spoken, thus you must clearly upgrade your ring cutting equipment.
That is, unless the poor sap acquired the titanium ring from Boeing or Airbus' supplier. Then maybe you can use kindergarten stubby scissors.
- Hospitals will generally have ring cutters like this:
  
  They are hand powered and very cost effective for gold and silver rings. Diamond tipped cutters usually need something like a Dremel to power them. They look something like this:
  .
  They are much more expensive compared to hand powered ones, and pose a higher risk to a patient so they would require additional training to use it, which is another extra cost.
  
  Also, ummm, titanium gets hot. Like all metal gets hot when you cut it, that's just how friction works.
  But titanium is gummy.
  When we cut steel it makes a nice clean chip until the tool is dull, then it'll make ugly chips.
  When we cut aluminum or copper, we have to use tools with fewer teeth so they don't get clogged up with chips. This is fine because these materials are so soft and we can run cutting speeds so high that having fewer teeth isn't a big deal.
  But titanium is both gummy, in that it wants lots of space between cuts because it'll clog up teeth, and very hard, in that it wants lots of teeth making smaller cuts.
  It's also a shit conductor. Aluminum and copper will whisk away heat. Titanium gets hot and stays that way.
  So your titanium jewelry, wherever applied, that needs to be cut off of you, will need a diamond saw, which isn't really a cutting tool, it's an abrasive one. Meaning it works through aggressive, point blank friction.
  My point is if you smash your titanium cock ring on, it's going to not only require a very uncomfortable proximity to a power tool to remove it, it's going to absolutely burn the fuck out of your dick.
  
  Just want to add that we're talking about a tool that can be used to remove rings stuck on any appendage, not just cocks.
- You know, it seems Boeing managed to become less reliable than Ilyushin.

Great. Now I feel guilty about my Father's Day gift.
- Don't worry, it's too big for him.
  
  I got nothing, that was unexpected and good. A yo dad joke is rare.
- It's the gesture that counts, surely
- I have been waiting at an airport since 4 hours for my flight. Bored out of my mind, your comment made me giggle in public like a teenager in love!
  
  I hope your flight went well!

If you wanna cut the circulation off to your wang, just hold it tighter. That way you can just let go and not need to go to the hospital.
- I’m already holding a sandwich and a drink. Are you expecting me to put one down to hold my wang?
- Silicone is easy enough to remove.
  
  Instructions unclear: Hand silicone caulked to my cock.
- They make rubber rings for this for people with ED. You don't have to cause yourself injury.
  
  They make rubber rings for this for people ~~with ED~~ who want rock hard boners
- Some people involve more than their hand in their sexual activities.
  
  What do you mean? Like, they use both hands?

And they’ll charge you out the ass for it.
- In the US anyways. (I get it's a joke)

Dude, try ice and lotion first >_<
- I misread that as "dry ice"
  
  Well if trying to get the ring off doesn't send you to the hospital, that probably will.
  
  I don't think you should have dry ice anywhere near that part of the body

So it's rubber/silicone only then or is there another metallic option? Asking for me.
- Well I think as it relates to fingers, precious metals are fine. Generally soft enough that cutting isn’t an issue.
- Gold and silver are safe. Lead is dangerous for completely unrelated reasons. Cupric alloys are probably safe assuming you aren’t allergic. Speaking of allergic you can definitely do nickel if you’re completely not allergic to it. Aluminum should be safe.
  Under no circumstances should you try tungsten.
  
  Under no circumstances should you try tungsten.
  Plutonium and Uranium are RIGHT OUT.
  
  You can crumble a tungsten ring with a pair of vice grips with minimal force.
  
  Why not? Tungsten smashes easily with a hammer.
  
  Cuprick you mean?
- Probably not depleted uranium.
  
  I want my kids to have superpowers though.
- Dude, just because the hospital can cut off softer materials doesn't mean you want to end up at the hospital for them to do it. Just use silicone.
  
  It's my kink though. You haven't lived until you've seen a saw revenge up to 8000 rpm as it heads for your junk.
- Not metallic and not sure about ‘alternative uses' but ceramic is good for finger rings at least. It's non-conductive, you can use a pliers or tap it hard with a hammer to shatter it if needed, and if it snags on something in a horrific accident scenario it'll usually shatter before degloving or severing a finget

I've worked or volunteered for 4 different fire departments. Zero of them had any sort of diamond cutter anything that could be used for this.
- I own a diamond wheel for my dremel that will eventually gum its way through titanium.
  
  That is highly likely to slice right through the pee pee as soon as it finishes making its way through the titanium.
- I'm a machinist. We have the tool you need.
  But we're on break.
  
  I mean, I have something at my house that would probably work a bit.
- Peasants
- What about the claws of death, or whatever they're called? Might be hard to get the ring only.
  
  Lol. There's "the jaws of life", but those don't cut. We have "cutters" that are equally bad ass and powerful, but they're still made of hardened steel, so they won't cut the titanium, and they're shaped/work like a beetles mandibles, so even if the could cut it, it would slide down on the ring before cutting. That would do a hell of a lot of damage.

That’s horrifying. At least with finger rings they can use the dental floss trick.
- Who says you couldn't do that for cock rings?
  
  Wire cuts

What if that's their kink?
- Pretty bad, because the medics and firefighters didnt concent to be part of it.
  
  Oh cmon we are just joking here, no need to be soo seerious and goody two shoes

I'm call BS. Titanium isn't really very strong (about the same as copper when pure, while specialist Ti alloys are about halfway between aluminium and generic steel). People use titanium when they want something metal which is pretty strong but very lightweight. As an aside, it has pretty meh ductility for a metal and would make a poor bulletproof material, so David Guetta got that wrong too

your username shines in a new light after reading this.
- LMAO!

Just use a zip tie. Don’t forget to trim the excess at a nice angle.
- You monster!

At the risk of sounding like I have no idea what I'm talking about (because I don't).
Couldn't you perform a surgery to clamp the main vein, and then drain the blood out of the cock?
- That seems way worse than cutting the ring
  
  I meant in the event that you cannot cut the ring because it's too strong.
- We will only use local anaesthesia and you'll have to watch.
  Unless that is your kink. Then you don't get to watch.
  
  Wait, so that is a thing that is possible to do though? I'd have thought that it would be very difficult, with the corpora cavernosa being so spongy and all...

That's why I use tungsten. The superior metal
- Lead is the best, makes everyone truly crazy!
  
  Radium is the only way to fly. It glows in the dark!
  
  I'ma drive this removed crazy... slowly, over the course of her lifetime
  
  makes everyone truly crazy!
  True.
- It's also worth 16,384 EMC!

I saw this and was very confused. I was thinking, "well mine just has two balls that unscrew from either end and pull it out" then I realized they're talking about a different ring for a cock

Every ring I've ever owned that was made out of titanium has shattered. Seems like you could just crack it with a pair of pliers or something.
- Also, the ER probably wouldn't need to resort to cutting a cock ring in the first place. It has no bones, just get some ice packs on it or worst case scenario do a controlled bleed on the distal portion.
  
  I’m not a fan of how casually you used the phrase “controlled bleed”
  
  True, a titanium ring has no bones. But won't ice just shrink the ring. 😉
- Maybe it depends on the alloy?
  
  That must be the case but at the same time it makes me wonder why titanium rings aren't made with the shatter resistant alloy, or why it's expensive to get a titanium wedding band that shatters easily but apparently titanium cock rings are common and affordable enough that there's an ER PSB out on it.
- I didn't think titanium was prone to shattering. That's more of a tungsten thing.

What's the point of a cock ring with no tension?
- Rubber works fine.

Can't they just reduce the swelling?
- No because the blood won't leave the penis due to the pressure of the cock ring and cutting into the penis to relieve the swelling is likely to result in greater permanent damage than waiting for the FD and their diamond saw.

The more you know.

Man.. I hope I don't ever need one. Worst case, use peptides.

I just use a rubberband

Cockrings are dumb, and they deserve this if it happens to them.
- Some people need them for erectile dysfunction.
- A titanium one is a little much, but the right one can be stimulating for both parties.

182 comments