Is this a crime? Thoughts?

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It's about what I would expect from the kind of person who buys squeezy jelly.
- I buy squeeze jelly because the campus-affiliated market that I have a meal plan for only sells jelly in squeeze bottles. Though it's nice how it saves a spoon, it's a bit of a pain to operate. Especially the grape flavor.
  
  Shake the everliving shit out of it beforehand. Get all your aggression out. And if it's still being ornery, squeeze from the wide side.
  
  A... A spoon? Why not use the knife you're using for the peanut butter?
  
  I guess I've always considered it poor form to let ingredient containers mix at all. The knife is already covered in peanut butter, so putting it in the jelly container would get a bit of peanut butter on the jelly, and that's no good for some reason.
  Also because I find it way easier to scoop jelly with a spoon than a knife.
  
  Wait, why is the knife covered in PB? Didn't you put it on the bread?
  
  I have not yet achieved the level of skill with peanut butter required to get all of it off the knife. Most, yes, but there's still a plainly visible amount left.
  
  Use the other slice of bread like a chamois to wipe it clean. Now the skill is within your grasp.
  
  But then I'm gonna get peanut butter on the bread I'm going to put jelly on. What if the spoon gets contaminated, and then I put it back in the jar for the next person?
  ...Wait nevermind, that's not a problem, I use a squeeze bottle.
  
  wait, wait, you keep the jelly spoon in the jar?
  how deep does this rabbit hole of madness go?!
  
  No, no, just as a kid when multiple of us would be making PBJs in sequence. Whoever's last gets to lick the spoon before it goes in the sink.
  
  Why did the knife go in the pb first? It goes in the jelly, then gets washed off in 2 seconds in the sink, then goes in the pb.
  
  Wait, wait, you put the PB on top of the jelly? Like a jelly sandwich garnished with peanut butter? I don't think I'm understanding you correctly.
  
  What kind of peon eats an open faced pb&j? (Unless it's on toast)
  
  We are definitely talking past each other at this point.
  
  I was at my moms house making my son a sandwich and she admonished me for using a knife in the jam. At first I thought she was worried about peanut allergies (non of our family have a that allergy), but then she claims that knives break up the pectin in jam and only spoons can scoop it without ruining it.
  I use a knife in ours almost every day and have never had (good) jam go soupy.
  I assume it’s just another bullish “tip” from social media.
- It's Welch's though which actually tastes good and IIRC is owned by a growers collective not a megacorp.
  
  Found this
  National Grape Cooperative Association, a co-op of grape growers, since 1956
  
  Is that good? I'm weary of what's behind good news of a major business.
  
  Just means it’s owned by the farmers
  Though at their size, the farmers could be people that just own the farms and use farmhands for all the work
  
  At some point, any business venture big enough to operate at commercial scale will see those with ownership drift towards management roles, since the owner is initially the only person with the authority to make a lot of those choices.
  If it's a family farm, at some point it's likely that someone realizes that inheriting a farm gives you a leg up at operating a farm, but that you can still probably hire someone to run the farming business better than you.
  If it's family owned, they're still less likely to raise to the level of ick that some of the big farm corporations can raise to, so it's still likely better.
  
  Good company can still do marketing and make silly products.

152 comments