It's not fair.

Dog teeth only have to last about 15 years.
- Also dogs aren't drinking soda, eating candy bars, or chugging orange juice.
  Well mine didn't anyhow, idk about some of y'all.
  
  I feel judged
- :(
  
  I mean, yeah
- I wish I only had to last that long
  
  I once said that in a meeting and forgot I was in a work environment. Had to backpedal and explain I was joking.

You can just gnaw on dog treats if you want. Like nobody is stopping you. My parents tried and failed many many years ago, but the sandy texture of the treats they bought was a major turnoff for me, so no need fam. If dentabones or whatever had been a thing back then I might have a different story..
Fun fact; most pet foods and treats are tested at some stage by humans for flavor, because animals can’t really give proper critique. So someone, somewhere, has probably already eaten them.
- I'm a very small sample size being one guy who works in a dog food factory. But we absolutely do not test our products on humans. All our meat products are marked not for human consumption.
  The seasonings and what have you are often tested by the npd crowd but I can't imagine a scenario where anyone would actually try the finished product.
  
  The seasonings and what have you are often tested by the npd crowd
  This is the “at some stage” portion, I assume (tho I don’t understand the lingo you are using tbh)
  Dry foods are bland and flavorless kibbles without the flavor coating, often using the same meal for multiple lines, so you just test the coating. But other products don’t have that luxury, like wet foods and treats that have soft core or whatever.
  Obviously nobody is consuming it as a diet, but they do test it :)
  https://recipes.howstuffworks.com/food-facts/food-careers/food-taster3.htm
  https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/i-just-found-out-that-dog-food-gets-taste-tested-by-humans
  https://www.merieuxnutrisciences.com/na/sensory-and-consumer-testing-of-pet-food/
  
  In many places catfood and such is mandatory to be safe for human consumption.
- My understanding is that milk bones are basically cookies without sugar.
  
  I haven’t tried those but the generic ones that were bbq flavor back in the 90s were made from flour and water and probably nothing else, and crumbled on bite into nasty wheat sand.
- Username checks out…?

That's how chewing gum has been marketed for as long as I can remember. Specifically Dentine.
- I mean, it’s right there in the name.
- but the question is, is it real?

i really wish they made those chewing sticks for humans, chewing on a rubbery stick sounds amazing to my autistic mind
like that would instantly take me from middling tooth health to best teeth in the game, i'd be chewing those shits day in day out to the point that the dentist has to tell me to cut it down, not to mention how great it would be for jaw strength!
- They actually do make those for people with sensory needs. They look like Lego's and are on a lanyard
  
  Please be conscientious if you choose to use a coping method like this. Some estimates put misophonia as prevalent as affecting 1 in 5 people. Your chewing on something to calm yourself down may be setting off full fight or flight in the person next to you.

That's why I brush my teeth before having my bacon and eggs with coffee.
- Leave your degraded self-loathing to yourself and don't make us partake!
  
  ....followed by chewing aluminum foil for iron.
  
  out of a metal tumbler 🤤
  
  Grapefruit is better. It just hits different.
  
  You gotta try brushing your teeth and then drinking chocolate milk. It's delicious
- Brushing your teeth before you eat is like wiping your butt before you poop.

I'm pretty sure I've seen chewing gum advertised this way.
- Yeah but the US dental association forced them to stop saying that it's as good as flossing. It's still good, just not that good.
  
  Not as good as flossing but better than nothing*
  *depending on sugar content that is

Probably because dogs only live like 10-15 years. Their little gnashers don't have to last quite so long... Then again they also like to chew up wood n shit so I suppose they go through a lot.

Those don't do shit, it's a scam
- Source?
  
  Anecdotal. During my dog's checkup's they always say he has too much plaque and we can use those treats that clean their teeth. We've tried several different brands and they've never helped at all.
  
  I don't know about dogs, but treats certainly don't do any good for cats, so the advice is to brush cat teeth every day https://www.cats.org.uk/cats-blog/should-i-clean-my-cats-teeth
- Veggiedent chews seem to work ok for tartar control. I’m sure they prob don’t work as well brushing of course.

There use to be gum with toothpaste grit and mouth wash in them.
- in finland most of our gum just has xylitol in it
  
  Don't give it to your dog.

removed ain't heard of spearmint gum?
- spearmint is vile

- Which if you give to a dog will kill it.
  
  But their teeth will look great

There's these toothpaste tablets/pills, which you put into your mouth, bite on them and then they turn into toothpaste for brushing.
When I first saw those, I also thought, they'd somehow clean your teeth without brushing. Like, maybe they're one of those fizzy tablets, which I believe exist for cleaning fake dentures. Or when I then read that you bite on them, I thought, maybe they're like special chewing gum. But yeah, it's just toothpaste without the water.
- Once I chewed a vitamin C tablet that looked like a TUMS. It was not like a TUMS. It was intended to dissolve in a glass of water.
  It started fizzling and bubbling in my mouth, activated by the moisture that was there. I started intensely foaming at the mouth and almost threw up.
  Good times, 10/10
  
  On that note, I once accidentally brushed my teeth with Deep Heating ointment.
  Would not recommend or try again.
  
  And then you got to stay at home because you seemed sick. Nice one Ferris Bueller.
- Yeah, I was trying to find something that didn't need water for when I'm away from a sink. Saw those tablets and thought they'd be great! Luckily I read the description.
  I guess I'll have to stick with the wisp things.

We kinda do, we have the chewing sticks like mishwak
- What is that?
  
  A small stick from the toothbrush tree (no kidding). You could also use other types of wood, like apple, pear or lemon tree. Or even licorice root.
  
  It’s a stick

A carrot works pretty well.

Crest beef jerky! Experience the minty flavors of the…fuckin Southwest. Yeehaw!

No one is stopping you from giving yourself a treat for succeeding with such habits.

I think teeth cleaning doggie treats are probably just marketing.
Fast food would be teeth cleaning if it wasn't for the barest of regulations we still have in place.

Toothpaste is mint flavored also some chewing gums can have a cleaning effect (that’s no replacement for brushing but is better than nothing).

It's called sugar free gum. Enjoy.
- i find gum way too soft to have any significant cleaning effect, maybe when you first bite into it the crunchy shell does something minor, but it needs to be like 50% harder to feel effective.

That... That's a really good fucking question... Maybe it's because they don't live for 80 years?

Because nobody makes a buck in telling people to munch raw carrots :E