Funny @sh.itjust.works JoeTheSane @lemmy.world 11mo ago

Get railed in a sundress season

41 comments

If he didn't like it, he wouldn't have invented getting railed in a sundress.
- « I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I rail and get railed in a sundress; I, the LORD, do all these things. »
  
  Isaiah 45:7, probably
  
  Welcome back to heaven, Jesus!
  
  Man, that was fun. Next time I'm going as a girl in a sundress!
Isn't one of their big rules "Be fruitful and multiply"?

I take that to mean getting railed in sundresses is perfectly christian.
- And the Lord commandeth, "Go forth and do some ho shit"
  
  "Do some shit" definitely implies anal.
- And by be fruitful and multiply he clearly meant, only having sex with the lights out, under the covers, in the missionary position, for the sole purpose of procreation.
  
  Also female orgasm is a sin, she's basically removed then and probably would also enjoy it with others
- Only if it involves getting nailed while on a cross
  
  Yeah I'm going to hell.
  
  I'll keep you company, I laughed
  
  imagine getting nailed so hard they make 4 extra holes
i dated a sundress girl once. goooood times.
- The question everyone needs an answer to right now is: did you rail her in the sundress?
  
  “goooood times” didn’t spell that our for ya?
I can practically hear the rattle of pearls being clutched and gasps of indignation. How much you want to bet Bonnie was getting hers when she was young but that was "just in fun" or "she didn't know better but does now"?
- Bonnie sure as shit isn't wearing pearls to clutch. Maybe clutching her Hallmark locket with a picture of her favorite Hummel figurine inside it.
  
  Bonnie wishes she had a pearl necklace.
I wanna be railed in a sundress... 🥺
- Step 1) Procure and wear sundress
  Step 2) Flirt provocatively
  Step 3) ???
  Step 4) Profit!
  
  He's an overweight middle aged man though
I guess Bonnie made it to age 60 being a virgin and pleasing God somehow, and wishes that desolate solitary misery on everybody else
- being a virgin and pleasing God somehow
  
  Well, there's a reason they say that the most powerful position is on your knees..
  
  https://y.yarn.co/01d32457-3e1e-497f-83fe-3cd9efb83ccb_text.gif
I just wonder why it needs to be a certain season, and why a sundress is required.
- The Lord works in mysterious ways.
  
  Just saying…I never needed to wear a sundress, and it never needed to be a certain season.
I think it's worth reminding people of the amazing song "God is a Freak", by Peach PRC

God is a bit of a freak

Why's he watching me getting railed on the couch

Staying pure for a wedding?

He's got fucked up priorities

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e07I7io1myI

41 comments