So who's been on a cruise ship?

I've been on one cruise. 5 days in the Caribbean. Probably the best week I've ever had.

It was within a month or two after cruises were allowed post Covid, so it wasn't very crowded, and that might have made a huge difference, but my wife and I would LOVE to do it again.

EDIT: I read that article, well, some of it. I started skimming part way through and then just gave up. This isn't about cruises. It's about a lonely socially awkward person who expected to be more interesting because he was on a boat.

I read the whole article, and I'm just confused. I didn't really see much actual criticism of the cruise itself, just a rant from some guy who went on a cruise that he clearly never wanted to be on in the first place. It reminds me of being a teenager and having to go on vacation with my family, and just wishing I could be doing literally anything else.

I've been on a cruise once. To Alaska. It was a smaller cruise ship, though I still would have thought it was huge, had I not seen other ships 4 times it's size docked next to it.

It was a fun experience. I got to enjoy seeing a lot of cool places in Alaska, got to eat at a free buffet anytime I wanted, and even had my first fine dining experience. There were shows and fun activities to take part in. I also got a nice deal on it. I'm far from rich, but it was a really fun and reasonably priced vacation for me. I'll probably go on another cruise some day.

I did my first cruise this year, and honestly had an absolute blast. However, the extremely important factor here is that it was a gay cruise (from the company Atlantis), and so it was absolutely nothing like the standard experience. For one week in the Caribbean, it was basically just a giant non-stop party. No kids, no entitled retirees, just you and 5000 other gay men trying to enjoy as much debauchery as can be fit into a week.

There were some port stops as well which were nice, but the main draw was very much the parties that would go on all night and through the morning. The music and production was incredible, and most of the other entertainment options were also swapped out for more gay-oriented options, so instead of bingo or whatever it is the boomers do, it was drag queens doing Britney Spears singalongs and things like that. And because everyone is gay, there's already a shared common experience and identity so people tend to be very friendly and welcoming.

Also, if you're single or otherwise available, the amount of sex you could have is genuinely ridiculous, though I was there with my boyfriend so we mostly just enjoyed the parties and made some great new friends. I had such a fun time, contrary to my expectations, that we've actually signed up to do another one in Europe later this summer, and that winter Caribbean cruise will probably become an annual thing for us.

I’ve been on a few. My family loves them, but I am not particularly fond of them. They’re a super convenient way to see a lot of tourist attractions in a short period of time if you find the right one, but your time is limited at each port. I do feel guilty about the ecological impact of the cruise industry, not to mention some of the working conditions of the staff can’t be ideal. I am an introvert who dislikes crowds, I have a fear of open water, and I get motion sick easily. So they’re generally a pretty miserable experience for me, personally. It’s even worse if there’s high pressure sales or lousy patrons aboard. For example I was aboard one that really pushed jewelry and vacation package sales. The at sea days were just long super sale events. I kind of felt a side eye by some of the sales people, like they thought I was going to steal something. Truth was I didn’t want any of the crap they were selling. Dining can be hit or miss. The more affordable the cruise, the less tolerable the food is over time. I’ve had very few run-ins with grumpy people, but it happens. People overall can be rude following rules, such has hogging the sun chairs all day long, every day, or bringing noisy kids into adult only areas. If I can help it, I would prefer to not go on one ever again, but my family may drag me kicking and screaming again. I do think the right cruise could be fun if you were going with friends instead of family. A adults only party cruise could be fun in my mind. Keeping track of kids or boomer family makes the experience less enjoyable. If I were to do that, I would pack loads of Dramamine. Drink packages are a rip-off unless you’re an alcoholic. I had one once and it took a lot of drinking just to break even.

I’ve been on 2 cruises and enjoyed them, which still kinda shocks me because I’m generally an introvert who doesn’t like going to crowded places. However there are a few reasons I liked the cruises I took and would consider going on one again:

1. The first cruise only had 1 “at sea” day (out of 7). The rest of the days we were in a port. The 2nd cruise did have 2 at sea days but they were at the beginning and end of the cruise. I’d probably stick with just 1 at sea day if looking at a cruise in the future.
2. To me the ship is just the hotel. It’s where I sleep, and the food is decent with the added bonus that I don’t have to cook or wash the dishes. With the cruises I went on, we got deals where it was cheaper per night than sleeping in many hotels. And we never had a problem finding some quiet corner to hang out if we didn’t want to be in our room when we were on the boat.
3. I didn’t take any tours offered through the cruise. Instead we would get off the boat and use public transportation or a cab to take us to where we wanted to explore for the day. This let us avoid the cruise crowds.
4. I didn’t feel much sales pressure. Yes they mentioned a couple times about getting a deal if you book your next cruise before the one I was on finished, but I knew I wasn’t interested. I just ignored it and no one bothered me about it. I also didn’t have any presentations I had to sit through either.

It’s definitely not the only way I’d vacation, but I’d take a cruise again under certain circumstances.

Didn't read the article, but my partner and I went on a Caribbean cruise in 2022 ish. Generally, it was fine. We had a good time.

But personally I would never do that again. I hate crowds and it was super crowded, I'm shy and awkward and didn't try to meet anyone new, and I just felt weird on the land excursions where the locals seemed like they hated their jobs but it was the best industry for them to feed their families.

I will say the restaurants on board were phenomenal (but not included in the price point), and the shows were fun. But the best time I had was just spent on my balcony, watching the world go by.

Never been and zero inclination to go on an ocean cruise for the reasons you mentioned and anecdotal horror stories I've heard- but I am intrigued by river cruises. With those you can spend time on the boat but also pretty frequent stops and if anything goes sideways you've got land on either side.

I went on a caribbean cruise with my family when I was 12 in the 90s. I was old enough to appreciate and remember some things, but I imagine it's better as an adult. I wouldn't mind doing an Alaskan or European cruise.

I just finished reading The Last One by Will Dean, the fictional story of a woman who wakes up on a cruise boat to find everyone has disappeared. I hated the ending, but if anyone is interested in luxury boat-realted horror, you might be into it.

I went on one when I was 16. I enjoyed it, there was an arcade and a water slide and all the pizza and ice cream I could eat, so I was pretty much set for the week. There were other teens my age there, so I had made friends that week, which was fun even though I never talked to them again after the cruise. It was my parents first cruise, and they enjoyed it so much that they have become regular cruisers. I haven't been back on one, as I didn't have the money and now my wife doesn't want to go on one, so it will remain a very fun thing I'll never get to do again.

I love them. I would reply more on why but hate typing on my phone. But I've been on six of them between 7 and 14 days. They give you the ability to get a taste of different areas and the entertainment on the ship is usually good. I've never felt "trapped" on a ship as they are very big. I have another cruise booked later this year and looking forward to it. I'm an introvert too. I know some people like the interaction with other people but that really isn't my thing but I do like cruising.

I was on one as a kid (my dad had a job on the ship) and it was fun. But I wouldn't do it today since the ships are floating petri dishes for respiratory illnesses.

To OP's point, this guy DOES sound pretentious in a very writerly way. However, I felt just like him on my first cruise not too long ago. I reluctantly went with my girlfriend so I didn't have to "make friends"... but the excess, the hard-working and undervalued employees, and the crowds were just as poignant obvious. The food was fine but not special, a point of disappointment after hearing so much about how great cruise food was. This was very late in the pandemic but the ship was all the way full and the price could have bought us a nicer trip by way of premium economy airline and 4-star hotel. I was one of maybe two or three people i ever saw wearing a mask. Still got covid. My hope is that I never have to go on another cruise.

I went on a cruise 20 years ago with my family. We drove to New Orleans and stayed a couple days there before boarding the ship and hitting a couple spots in Mexico. Overall, the cruise was fine, but I actually enjoyed our time in New Orleans more. Some notable things from the cruise: -Security at the Mexican ports were packing some heat. I saw security personnel with Uzis and M16s. -The ship had a clothing-optional tanning deck, and I found it equal parts amusing and awkward to be walking with my parents among a bunch of topless/naked people laying around. For context, I was 18 and raised in a conservative christian household, so I hadn't really been exposed (heh) to that kind of thing before. -The food on the ship was fine. They had a soda fountain and small pizza bar available 24 hrs/day. -A hurricane was entering the gulf towards the end of our cruise, which ruined our snorkeling activity. The waves wouldn't let us swim very far from the shore. At least we got refunded for that part. -On the way back to NO, we sailed on the outskirts of said hurricane, so the waters were decently rough. Luckily, I don't get motion sickness, but evidently, just about everyone else did. I got bored sitting in the cabin with my seasick family, so I walked around the ship. It was kinda eerie seeing almost no one else as I was walking around.

I don't think I would do another cruise, since for that kind of money, I'd rather take a trip that I would enjoy more, not to mention the environmental impact those ships have.

Took my mom on an Alaska cruise. I was very nervous about it and expected to hate it, but it was fun. Not nearly as claustrophobic and boring as i expected. We had a balcony so we spent a lot of time outside watching water animals and looking for land animals and eagles. When we travel city to city we always try to do two nights in each place so we don't have to repack everything every day. It was kind of nice to see different things each day and return to a room with my book and phone charger on the nightstand. I have friends who've been on many cruises and talk about early/late dinner seating to get to the show and pack dinner clothes. We just wandered into whatever restaurant or pub sounded good that night. The food was fine. We went to one show and it was so bad that i complained to the cruise director. The other nights we went to the jazz bar or karaoke bar after dinner. I saw groups sitting in the closed buffet area late at night playing games and i thought that would be fun for a gathering where no one has to drive home.

I have. It fucking sucked. Never again

That article is what happens when you give a grade 9 student a thesaurus for Christmas.

LOL, thanks for that article link. Fun read.

I can't speak authoritatively regarding ocean cruises as I've only ever been on a river cruise. It was, from what I've come to understand, a very different experience. However, I have become acquainted with a number of regular ocean cruise goers and the authors comments regarding it being part cult and part pyramid scheme rings true in my mind. There's definitely an almost cult-like adoration of cruise ships and the cruising life-style. Those people plan their lives around their next cruise. The amount of time and money they spend on cruises can be... shocking.

The only other antidote I can give is my experience witnessing what happens when a cruise ship full of tourists let out at what was a few minutes before a relatively quiet historical destination. The place was an ancient coastal fortification (sorry, I won't give the precise name/location as I prefer to not give out too many details of my life/travels), and for a couple hours prior to the arrival of the cruise ship it was fairly quiet with only a smattering of other tourists there, allowing us to explore the ruins and mull over some of it's curious architectural features and generally speculate as to how it's inhabitants may have lived. Suddenly, we heard a cacophony of voices, many of them shouting. Soon, the entire place (it was a sizable, sprawling fortification) was practically overrun with cruise passengers who had apparently been dropped off like toddlers to a daycare by their weary mothers. Seemingly, being on a cruise entitles you to be as loud and obnoxious as possible. It was clear, that many weren't even aware of what this place was or it's historical significance based on the many stupid questions we heard blurted out at the top of their lungs. We tried to solder on, but eventually we were forced to retreat out of frustration and embarrassment (most of the cruise goers were clearly from North America just like us). Anyway, it was probably the event that most solidified the idea in my mind that I do not wish to ever take part in an ocean cruise. Despite this event taking place more than two decades ago, the thought of being around people like that nearly 24/7 to this day fills me with profound dread.

My wife and I went on a 3 day cruse to test our sea legs and we did enjoy the cruise for the most part.
Buffet food was fine and the entertainment was good. We sprung for a double room with a balcony and it was like a small hotel room.
Had no problem with the bed, boarding, or disembarking.

Our only issue was the ship was anchored in deep mooring for 2 of the 3 days for repairs so we didn't really get the full sea leg testing we wanted.

Went on my first cruise just recently with my wife and two of my good college friends. We were interested cause we live in a city with a large cruise industry and I was very curious about it. I went into it with low-ish expectations, and was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the buffet food (better than my university's cafeteria, which is what I was expecting) but slightly disappointed overall with the fine dining entrees, though the desserts were good. I only had like 2 alcoholic drinks on the boat the whole week, which I believe is atypical (friend of mine said the drinks package is totally worth it, but I can't imagine drinking >4 alcoholic servings a day for a week straight, which is probably what you need to do for it to even out). Sea days were cool, I enjoyed the shows generally more than I expected, and the laid back atmosphere was cool. Excursion days were also cool, but not mind blowing. Had the most fun snorkeling (although it took me five minutes to figure out how to not freak out from breathing underwater but only through my mouth, that was weird). Didn't really feel like going to a foreign country, like it does when you take a trip to Europe. I think the main perk for me was that I didn't have to cook any of my own food or clean any of my dishes for a whole week. I would go again, like some other people have said I think an Alaskan or Arctic cruise would be cool. We had an interior stateroom and booked it due to a very cheap rate 8-9 months in advance

Unlimited all inclusive food man. I would totally do it again.

Went on a cruise about 10 years ago. Royal Caribbean. Went with the whole immediate family and had an amazing time. 24 hour buffet got me coming back to land 10 pounds heavier. The room size is no consideration either you only go there to sleep.

This was a fantastic read, thanks! It confirms I will never go on a cruise!

Only plan for a cruise is if I ever somehow become rich and can go on one of those cruises to the Antarctic.

Bill Burr's bit on cruise ships sums up how I've always felt on the matter.

I haven't, but I've stayed at resorts and don't think that I'd like cruises because of what I do at resorts.

I like to give myself time at each location, getting to know it for several days. I might get to know the ship in that time, but I feel like it is just getting to know the resort instead of the destination. The only caveat to that would be a place like Disney World, which is gigantic.

I'm also interested in things like local culture and food, which isn't something you are going to get on a cruise ship.

The experience looks to be cheaper, but I'd rather pay to stay on location.

I worked on a Royal Carribean ship once. It was cool, I worked late so got off every day at dock and got public transport to the nearest town then had a walk round or visited a small free museum then I had a nice meal and a beer before going back to work.

For the ship I was on it mostly stayed in port for the full day, return times were like 4 or 5, for me getting off is important, but for many people on the ship (which it sounds like this guy hung around with) the ship IS the destination and they spend all day in the pool, in the restaurants, it sounded mind numbing to me! I think those people are quite culty, a lot of them are on their 100th+ cruise and if you do talk to them they only really talk about cruises. We were docked at a port next to another Royal ship once and this couple were telling me that they were on that one the week after for a full atlantic cruise which doesn't dock at all, then onto the carribean after, I have no idea if they had a home.

I will say though, American cruisers are a different breed to European, they wear customised shirts and decorate their doors, we don't do that here, or didn't when I was there.

Didn't David Foster Wallace write about the cruise experience, trying to find comfort in luxury but realizing it left you only wanting more? That's always been my perception of cruises.