Women Should Just Be Honest

While it might feel rough for you, it's worth remembering that a lot of women have faced very real threats of violence for their upfront honesty.

If you're only getting vague signals then maybe that's the sign that she's not fully into you.

vague signals

If a woman gives me vague signals it's a sign that she's not right for me. Everything other than a "hell yes" is a no. Which is fine, I'm okay with being alone. But I'm not going to chase someone who hints that they're into me, because I'm too damn old for that shit.

It’s also a bit like the job market in some professions. The good ones are more likely to be taken, so you have a magnifying effect on people who tend not to have successful relationships.

People are not very effective communicators.

Ghosting is also another issue that’s honestly just disrespectful.

Maybe it's because I'm a zoomer, but ghosting for me is just kind of expected. It's mildly frustrating to encounter someone who doesn't really reciprocate your feelings or what have you, and it's maybe more disrespectful if it happens like, after the second or third date, but if someone ghosts you after the first date, I don't really think it matters that much. Certainly, I'd rather not have to confront it than have them tell me that they're not interested. That's not really a satisfying answer, "they're not interested", right. It makes you want to ask "why", but realistically they're not going to be able to give you a reasonable, realistic, actionable answer. They're just gonna be pulling stuff outta their ass. So I don't really care all that much, I don't think it matters.

Ghosting is also another issue that’s honestly just disrespectful.

While that can be annoying, if somebody's ghosting you, that's just a signal to move on, yeah? You probably don't want a relationship with somebody who can't communicate, anyway.

This exact kind of situation does happen all the time. I don't believe it's a majority of men at all, but even if it's a small percentage, that's still a lot because of the magnitude of their actions. Even if it's only a 5% chance that rejecting a guy is going to cause them to go completely off the rails, you're still not going to want to take that chance because there's nothing in it for you, and in those 5% of cases it's going to be extremely upsetting, or in some cases, actually physically dangerous to you.

I concur. It is also very hard to make a rationale for whether your date is ghosting you, is just busy, or is not in a good mood. Obviously, if she is not in a good mood or is busy, she would prefer not to reply to me (because she might unintentionally ruin the bond), but what if she's just not interested in me and thus is ignoring me?

If you like this person a lot, your feelings will likely corrupt your rationale. Your hopes won't let you move on; you will keep suffering, deciding whether to move on or not.

Have you considered being upfront and honest about your feelings? Why are you trying to piece together signals instead of just saying you're interested?

You are the person in this comic.

Also another common third panel would be: not taking no for an answer and pursuing.

Yeah as a woman who gets plenty of women. Women want to fuck too. If the lady you’re hitting on isn’t reciprocating that’s cool find one who is.

Also your mental and emotional shit being together is way more attractive than it has any right to be. I’m not kidding, I’m moderately attractive but the fact that I can take no for an answer, clean my bathroom, and introspect on my emotions does wonders with the women already attracted to me.

Remember you aren’t gonna turn a no into a yes, but you can turn a yes into a no or a no into a restraining order.

I'm also a not-so-young dude - forgotten generation - and honestly I don't remember guys being like this. At least, not to women's faces. Being rejected sucks and is a hit to your self-image, so there was the occasional after-the-fact, booze-fueled name-calling while among the guys, but to must of us, being rejected was something we were embarrassed about and didn't advertise by sharing.

Our generations - boomers, gen-x - are selfish, greedy, and short sighted. OTOH, from survey of N=1 (my wife) getting this sort of response from men wasn't a concern.

Let me preface this by saying that I’m old. 

I was out for a long run yesterday. Playing the Hype Running List on Spotify. Enjoying most of the songs/artists being played thwre, eg, RATM, Beastie Boys, even some older stuff.

One song I was a bit meh about was The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzie. But this time, the lyrics made me stop and have a wtf moment. Here’s what I’m referring to:

You know that chick that used to dance a lot Every night she'd be on the floor, shakin' what she's got Man, when I tell you she was cool, she was red-hot I mean, she was steamin'

And that time over at Johnny's place Well, this chick got up and she slapped Johnny's face Man, we just fell about the place If that chick don't wanna know, forget her

And I was like “hold up, are they saying what I think they’re saying?” Like, why would she slap his face? And why would you guys be dismissive of her and cool with Johnny?

Being hot/attractive doesn’t give you license to assault someone. So fuck off with that shit.

It is a rejection. No reason to bend the language.

The key thing is a rejection doesn’t have to be some judgment on your whole self worth. It’s a problem when you put so much energy into it.

Instead of waiting until you’ve written your whole life story with her in the role of The Mother of Your Children, or The One Who’s Gonna Make You Cool Via Sex, just think of her as a girl it might be fun to hang out with this afternoon. And if she doesn’t want to, no biggie.

It’s investing all this energy, turning the asking out into this big emotional event, that’s the problem.

yeah, would be nice, but won't happen when there's such a big chance the guy might snap and attack them. obviously women aren't stupid and quickly learn to avoid being attacked.

But also that implies women aren’t giving reasons or saying to back off and those are just being ignored or twisted. Do some women ghost? Yes I’m certain. Is every ghosting you hear a man talk about actually a ghosting? No I’m very certain because I recently had a friend go through this where she kept telling a guy that she’s not interested in ways that were trying to be nice about it as he’s an emotionally unstable gun nut and he just didn’t get it until she point blank told him never to reach out to her again, never to speak to her again, and then had a male friend say the same.

The whole thing reminded me of the missing missing reasons

By ghosting do you mean one time they don't respond and you move on with your life, or do you mean you reach out multiple times and they don't respond?

No, woman have to be passive-aggressive, because there are so many psychotic men! It's like you didn't even read the comic or something.

removed shit

He says "removed Slut" not "removed Shit"

I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the broccolis get perms.

It's important to remember it this way:

If you're in a club with 99 amazing men, and one totally perverted creep who flips to aggression on a dime, guys like that won't stop after harassing the first woman they meet in the club. By the end of the night, 4 out of 5 women who attended that club have had an experience of a guy hitting on them and getting aggressive when they reject him, and there's a good chance it's all the same guy. It doesn't matter that proportionally there are waaaay more good men at the club, the reality is that almost every woman in that club had a scary experience that night because of a man.

Now that happens every night you go out, if it's not you getting harassed, it's your bestie and you need to stick together. Sure, you and your girls are meeting 2 or 3 great guys who you have lovely interactions without. But in the uber home you're not talking about how nice that bloke and his mates you met on the dance floor was, you're checking in to make sure your friend is okay after that one guy tried to slip his hand up her skirt while she was ordering at the bar, only to get threatened with rape when she said "please stop that".

So, yes, it is a regular occurrence, not because the men who do this are regular in the population (though in some areas due to the local subcultures, they are) it's a regular occurrence because the few men who do this are serial harassers, and for every woman you politely and respectfully flirt with, the assholes are out there harassing 10 or 20 women.

Now I do understand how frustrating it is when we say "Urgh, men" and not "Urgh, specific men who like this", but when that one creep is a new creep every time you go out, and you're creeped on every time you go out by the one guy there who is a creep, the other 99 men fade into the background because they aren't a threat, you don't need to be vigilant around them, so you aren't thinking about them. He's one guy out of 100, but his level of threat and danger dominates the women's lasting perception of the safety of the space, and why is it unsafe? Because of a man, which man? It could be any man, you won't know until you interact with them, so until you know, the danger isn't a man, it's men. I know that while there are a thousand species of snake only about 30 have a truly fatal bite, but I'm still going to say "I'm afraid of snakes", even while I'm giving a chill pet carpet python a happy little cuddle.

And it sucks, I'm sorry you get lumped in with assholes due to the way women use language to describe their fears and concerns over some men.

What you're experiencing is how these bad men effect all people, not just the women they harass. And it's a great reason to join the social movements working to reduce behaviours of concern among these groups of aggressive men.

But while it's frustrating that this social issue causes you to feel prejudged as dangerous, at least this social issue isn't a risk to your physical safety the same way it is for women.

It is a regular occurrence. Ask your female friends about it.

You’re tired? They’re exhausted. Toxic behavior from aggressive men caused this collective fatigue.

Unless you behave like the man in the comic, this isn’t about you.

Maybe instead of pretending this super common thing doesn’t happen, you could encourage other men like I am doing right now.

Not sure I buy that this comic isn't a valid perspective. You've read into it that the author is claiming this is a universal experience but from the context it could equally be theirs.

Men and women alike are both awkward and bad at acknowledging rejection so I'm certain there is another comic out there with an alternative point of view on a situation like this.

Kind of an aside, but I learnt through harsh experiences as a youth that people basically categorise everyone else into a potential viable partner or not within about 5 mins of meeting them. Once that window has shut it is hard to change someone's opinion of you. I suspect situations like this comic arise because the person asking for the date is asking without looking for cues from the other person that they see them as a potential romantic interest.

For many women, it is a regular occurance. Perhaps if you are frequently being assumed an asshole, maybe you are the problem?

I hope you find someone you can unload with.

You're not a woman I'm guessing

Are people with short tempers more likely to get angry at people who are bigger than them, or smaller than them? Smaller, of course.

And there you have it. That explains the entire comic. Both women and men can have short tempers, but it's way easier for a dude to scream at a woman and not end up dead. So it happens.

This is why they say that, while It's not all men, it's almost only men. Because men are bigger and it's safer for them to be angry and act immature.

So the stereotype is valid. Don't get butthurt unless you act like the guy in the comic.

A somewhat small minority of men do actually act like that and thus it is assumed that all men are definitely going to act like that so they don't have to risk danger.

It sucks horribly for both sexes but unlikely to be a better solution really

You need to touch grass and talk to more women if you don't know that most women have experiences exactly like this.

Yeah this is the dumbest comic I’ve ever seen. An absurd characterisation of reality. I thought it was satire at first but the comments seem to be taking it seriously. There are surely assholes out there but to only this is a regular occurrence is some legbeard basement-dwelling incel nonsense.

Lmao!

We live in a world which contains certain individuals who make millions of dollars by pretending to be perpetually victimized. A little skepticism is natural. I don’t expect you to fix that, I simply expect you to acknowledge that the problem of shitty men like the one in the comic is a problem of a similar scale and will not be solved overnight. And also that it will not be solved by demonizing men.