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Funny @sh.itjust.works

The Picard Maneuver @lemmy.world

1y ago

The man can't help himself

149 comments

If I ever make it to the point where I have a removedin' deck overlooking some fine wilderness then you're damn right I'm gonna piss off it.
- I'm curious what word you tried to use. I didn't think "fuck" was filtered on dot ml.
  "removedin'"?
  
  Does ml auto-censor posts for mildly spicy language or something?
  
  I think you give the nannies at .ml too much credit.
  
  Female dog probably
  
  Fuckin' for sure.
- Y'all are some of the most anti-control people around, and then... use an instance that heavily censors the naughty words you can say.
  
  It’s weird how that works huh? Wouldn’t wanna upset anybodies fee fees
- Recommendation: self censor or ditch that instance!
  I like our admin TheDude - responsive, knowledgeable, competent.
  https://sh.itjust.works/signup

what the hell did he do to piss off a deck ? did he expose it to the sun without regular maintenance ?
- He didn't apply carbon-fiber stucco lathe to his foundation
- https://youtu.be/tbazGVrbN-g

Man who piss into wind, gets wet.
- "I see," said the blind man, pissing into the wind. "It's all coming back to me now."
  
  ”I see," said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
- Man who make mistake on elevator, wrong on many levels

Ok, I didn't get it when I thought they meant not making the deck angry, and I still don't get what I'm supposed to be seeing here.
- The footprints in the snow that show he was still pissing off the deck.
  My only question is why does she care?
  
  Maybe she doesn't want her deck to smell like piss

Urinating in the bathroom sink 🤤.
- Pissing in the ice cube tray 🤤
  
  Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
  
  I prefer to piss in the wood stove.
- *kitchen sink
  For when the one bathroom is already being used and ya gotta go.
  
  Meeh, I use it as a urinal, even if the bathroom is not being used 😁.
  
  :(
  
  I read that as "when the one in the bathroom is already being used" and imagined some guy grumbling about having to pee in the kitchen sink because someone else is already peeing in the bathroom sink.

- Probably smells like piss
  
  If it walks like piss, smells like piss, it's definitely a duck.
- Nitrogen content in your piss is pretty high and can end up killing your grass in excess. It looks like OP's husband pisses in two spots right beside the stairs so the nitrogen will accumulate there.
  Judging by the shrubs there could be a little garden down there the wife cares about, or she wants the habit cut so there's not a yellow splotch that guests are being funneled between.
  ... Or plain old prudery. Who truly knows~
  
  Unless hes literally pissing gallons a day on the same spot, or they live in a severely dry area, this is not a concern, rain and other sources like morning dew will dilute and wash it away. Plants aren't that sensitive to it.
- Jealousy
- Probably just seems nasty or something
- In the original POST, OP says that it's killing the shrubs down there.
  Suggestions included making a designated piss spot or moving the shrubs. Not, you know, just respecting your wife enough to not piss off the deck if asked.

Maybe he didn't pee.
Maybe he pood.
- I'd be impressed if he managed to poop off the deck while his feet were facing out. I'd need a diagram to understand it.
  
  No dagram needed, poop it out until its clinging on for dear life and just about to fall, then a little hip thrust will send it forward into the abyss.
  Takes a little practice.
  
  Well you see, it's an elaborate system of pulleys and levers, sort of like a Rube Goldberg machine...
  
  People seem to forget the agility of the shower poop man.
- Footprints the wrong way
  
  That's assuming he didn't poo onto the porch and then toss it. ;)

What did you do to make it so angry?

Why the deck mad, bro?

That's his land. He can piss on it if he wants. He's just marking his territory.
- It's their land
  But hey wife bad amirite?
- Maybe it’s her land, or both of theirs.
  
  Then she should be pissing on it, too. It's only fair.

Had a neighbor who would piss on his front bush like a fucking cat.
You could tell where because of the dead spot in the shape of piss trickle

That chair could do with a sand and a nice coat of paint.
- I think it's fabric, not wood.
- On the left? It's not wood

I mean, at least he's house-trained.

Urea works as a fertilizer!
- If you want to use urine as a fertilizer it should be diluted and spread out.
  But anyway, a quick Google search says urine ranges from 4 to 8 pH. Unless you're peeing in the same spot every day I highly doubt it would be much of a problem.
  
  I pour milk on top of it no worries
- Jizz is protein. The plants will be swole!
- A family friend shared 2 problems she's been dealing with since moving into her house:
  The ground is all clay so it's impossible to grow anything without bringing in a crapload of dirt
  The septic has an issue and has to be pumped every 3 weeks
  I pointed out that clearly they need to be using the septic to fertilize the flower beds to solve both problems but for some reason she didn't like that idea...
  
  What kind of issue would require you to pump your septic every 3 weeks? Taco bell?

If go outside there is no need to wash your hands, tis is natural.

Proof that most humans haven't developed one bit in the past million years
- Ever since man has become bipedal we have strived to piss off high points. Whomst are you to deny us the ways of our forefathers?
  
  One would think we could stop that, now that astronauts have pissed on the Moon itself.
- They had decks on their houses 1mil years ago?
  
  I mean, yeah? Early homo (erectus, habilis) were known for building things with natural materials, so it's not inconcievable that they built huts and had decks for their huts.
  
  I don't engage with trolls arguing in bad faith, except to tell them to fuck off :)
- They actually sorta kinda have… a LOT. The whole transition to being farmers and stuff? Not only that, though, lots of stuff has been going on in and around our nuclei.
  Source/Further Reading: No, Humans Have Not Stopped Evolving | Scientific American
- Show me a single deck that even existed more than a few thousand years ago.

I can't imagine what kind of a trash human just pisses all over his own yard like a dog. Talk about having no regard for even your own home and any pride for it.
- One that cares about the environment and doesn't want to waste water but wants to fertilize the land.
- lol, this guy again.
- Touch grass
- You sound fun
  
  I don't piss in my own yard where my kids play yeah, that's so white trash bullshit

149 comments