Distro's depicted as vehicles

Debian would be a Volvo Estate, its the boring practical family choice, the owner is soneone boring like an architect or a financial advisor.
Arch is a Vauxhall Nova, second hand battered owned almost exclusively by teenage lads who spend a lot of time/money modifying it (e.g. lowering so it can't go over speed bumps, adding a massive exhaust to sound good but destroys engine power).
Fedora is something slightly larger/more expensive like a Ford Focus/VW Golf/Vauxhall Astra owned by slightly older lads. The owners spend their time adding lighting kits and the largest sound systems money can buy.
Slackware is clearly a Subaru Impreza, at one point the best World Rally Car but hasn't been a contender for a while. Almost all are owned by rally fans who spend fantastic amounts of time tinkering with the car to get set it up an ultimate rally car. None of the owners race cars.
OpenSuse is a Nissan Cube, its insanely practical. It should be the modern boring family choice, but it manages to ve too quirky for your architect while not practical enough for van drivers.
I don't know the other distros well enough.
I run Debian btw
- I run Debian btw
  Found the financial advisor.
- I also run Debian, btw.
  
  What? You didn't hear? Tommy just died, we are back to 23 again now.
- Arch is a Vauxhall Novana
  Nah, Arch is the reliant robin: it's minimal, requires constant maintenance, and while it might flip in a corner, it's pretty easy to get out and flip it back up ( it's a really good learning and training opportunity)
  
  When I thought it couldn't be more meme, you came and filled a whole comment with nothing but truth. Thank you for your service and drive save.
- None of the owners race cars
  Now that's not true, I've been known to s- whispering, clearing throat my council has informed me that I should end this statement without any further detail.
  
  Mr Johnson is right!

Linux Mint in my opinion:
- Cute I thought the headlights and plate looked like a face so I made some changes. https://imgur.com/a/nPXRRzP
  I was not sure whether to add the eye brows or not.
- Nah Linux Mint is a Kia Ceed.
  Ubuntu is a Ford Focus, they successfully stole the volvo estate market (Debian). The car was fun, good value and very practical. It was everywhere. Then Ford started increasing the size, weight, price, etc.. killing the point of the Focus.
  So along comes Kia trying to make a competitor in the Ceed.
  In theory the Ceed is a great car, its super cheap, lots of cabin space, nippy, the inside has every modern convenance, but....
  It plays engine noises via speakers that aren't aligned with what you are doing
  The boot space is rubbish, so 5 people can happily travel in the car you barely fit a suitcase in it
  There is an steering sensitivity button that stays on at 70 MPH with no indication on the display
  A Vauxhall Nova just out accelerated you
  Your left wondering why anyone is bothering with hot hatchbacks these days as you climb into your volvo
  
  Nah Linux Mint is a Kia Ceed
  Made exclusively for the European market? /s
- More like https://i.imgur.com/UhC0g18.jpeg
  
  "I use arch btw"

I think of Debian as the Sensible Family Van.
- A company sprinter

I don't think a single person has ever used zorin os
- It was the first distro I installed on my laptop and actually daily drived, it looks cool and the feels good to use
  And since almost nobody around me uses linux it gives a very good image with how clean it looks
- I have it installed on several old laptops/Chromebooks. It's cute, but it's not really performing how it bragged it would... Gonna have to find something leaner....
  
  I recommend Cinnamon for an easy and lightweight desktop.
- Never seriously... I only experimented with it in a VM. I know it's not against the GPL, but they way they rebrand existing things and then add licenses to them just feels scummy to me...
- It runs my laser cutter for my business 3 years and still running on a dual core industral pc with no fans. Its pretty good
  
  I mean, under the hood it's just Ubuntu. No one's questioning how reliable it is. It's just that everything that actually makes it Zorin is just a bunch of fancy skins. It was designed to be something you could load on your Grandma's PC and still have it look like Windows.
- I work in a computer shop and we put Zorin on machines for some instances, like if it's a old/low performance machine or if the customer is trying to stick to a strict budget. We haven't had any come back, and people seem to like it.
- I use Zorin as my daily driver for almost 4 years now.
  Ask me anything.

Why'd you gotta do that to Debian 💀💀💀
- Reliable as fuck while doing all the heavy lifting for everybody downstream? Sounds right
- Nah, I'm Debian user and that's a fucking solid depiction of Debian.
  It's not fancy, it's not pretty, it has no bells and whistles, but it's God damn workhorse and it'll keep on trucking no matter what you do to it.
- Only one that can do a hard day's work without breaking down.
- There is no shame in being compared to a Massey.
- What? Too fast?

- https://youtu.be/kNUmQj_7ajU
  ;-)
  
  Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  https://piped.video/kNUmQj_7ajU
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

LFS:

where mint? is it a metro train?
- Probably a Prius V. Kinda good at most normal things.
- I wouldn't say Mint is that underground tbh

tractors defeat tanks
- Ukrainian Farmers are terrifying.

I really want an AI Top Gear/The Grand Tour episode of the three idiots arguing about Linus distros now
- I prefer Torvalds myself
  
  Yeah the "tech tips" distro feels vaguely abusive and toxic
- The season special will be wild.
  
  Final sesion linus banishes the other cast members to usrland
  BECAUSE WE DONT BREAK USRLAND

Any russian distro
- That license plate is Cyrillic, but it isn't a recent, non-specialised Russian one. Both Greece and Russia use Latin homoglyphs (that is, letters of theirs that look like the Latin alphabet) on their plates so that tourists more familiar with the Latin alphabet can read license plates.
  This plate has a Ц, which isn't in that list.
  Which leads me to wonder where it's actually from. Specialist Russian or one of the old SSRs, maybe?
  
  I don't know really. I just googled "копейка". You are right, in Russia we use different plate, maybe it's from USSR. I'm too young to know about it :)

I want this meme with bikes
Zorin is a tuned VW Golf (Ubuntu LTS with fancy UI)
- Yeah, what the fuck is with the depiction of Zorin here? Someone really got wowed by that plasma theme, eh?
  
  I installed Zorin in a VM. The install crashes when testing in live mode and then installing.
  Apart from that, its really no better or less messy than GNOME with some extensions.

It would've been funnier if Debian was Porsche, Lamborghini, or Ferrari:

Elementary, the futur from 2012 :
- 2011*
  (I actually had one!)

I have no horse in this race but anyone who has ever used a Fiat Multipla will know what a complement this is for Slackware.
Edit: typo
- My first thought was: So Slackware works very well but is ugly as hell?

So which distro is the avrocar?
- Gentoo. Good idea on paper, takes a lot of time to get ready for arguable benefits
  
  Just add a skirt and you get a hovercraft.
  Which begs the next question….
- Linux From Scratch. They started it, but never figured out how to finish it and get it fully working.

I think Slackware would be more of a 2CV than a Multipla.
- I had a 2cv. I still miss it. I don't miss slack

Now do NixOS.
- Here is it

What could alpine be?
- A cargo ship... because alpine is useful for docker containers
  
  My alpine server is the titanic I broke openrc :(
- probably a kit car, or the underlying platform of something bigger than a car.

Arch is quite accurate

What's the story with Zorin?

- The Williams distro of choice is a single windows 7 machine with an excel spreadsheet containing all of the companies data
  
  And the excel file is stil unsaved & without shadow backups.

Heres a curveball: Android?
- It's a vespa.

LFS

Ubuntu is a Toyota Camry.
- More like a Tesla I think
  Sleek design and user friendly. But the company...

Gentoo is a bicicle Its all manual and alot of work but when you get up to speed it runs well
- Gento is a shipping container full of car parts, with an Ikea screwdriver zip tied to the door.
  There's probably a race car you could build in there... somewhere... eventually.
- Bicycles are the opposite of "alot" of work. They're so simple that even a complete newbie can work on them without much knowledge or experience. I literally build my own bike from the frame up with like 0 mechanical knowledge, but I couldn't get Gentoo installed despite using computers for decades.

Lovely.

- Brb, gotta tell my wife I'm lesbian now.
  
  This is even funnier if the reader assumes you're a woman.