I bought them for fishing. Closest they can do is shark wrestling

Pit Vipers so knockoff they even knocked off the packaging? I'm actually kind of impressed.
- I was surprised to learn just now that Pit Viper isn't actually owned by Luxottica.
  However they have many models that made in China and Italy, which means they are manufactured by Luxottica. Apparently some of them are still made in the US, but I wasn't able to find which ones.
  Normally when a company is manufacturing something domestically they proudly announce it, because it's a good selling point. But I didn't see pit viper doing that in my brief searches, so it's safe to assume they're all made by Luxottica.
  Which means these knockoffs probably came out of the same factory, if not the exact same product line.

"Holdindown Thefort" is my favorite pastime.
- I guess they meant for military use? That's definitely a weird one lol

They're good for flight but you have to take them off for land landings, only seaplane pilots can wear them during landing.

Is that KNEE BOARDING guy jacking off?
- I think it's supposed to be a delineation of arm/hand, because there's the same thing at the leg/foot interface. Apparently wrists and ankles have a different color than the rest of you.

Damn, I was hoping to do some four-ball juggling, but I guess I'll either have to practice, or less.