me🎂irl

As an adult, I can bake as many cakes as I want, and everybody will want to hang out with me even more than usual because of all the delicious cakes.
- I'm down to hang out with cake and you
- What's up. I heard there's cake?

Relevant XKCD
- Some recent studies point that bacon is not that bad if you not mix it with a lot of carbos
  
  It’s cured fatty meat.
  Too much of it isn’t going to be great no matter what you do.
  
  Weren’t there studies that showed it’s linked to increased risk of cancer? Even all processed meat like hot dogs and sausages.
  
  Red meat and nitrate salts are still not great. It's not as bad as the internet wellness influencers say it is, but if your other option for breakfast is oatmeal, then bacon is a bad choice for heart health.
  But if your other option is breakfast sausage, then yeah, bacon isn't too bad of an option.

Ah, you see not everyone has a car.
- I don’t have a car, I get the train or bus instead.
  Because nothing will stop me having cake.
  
  I have carried a cake on a bus before, I don't recommend it.
- Not everyone needs a car, I can get a cake without driving!

When I was an early teenager I realized with an epiphany that I could take my paper route money, go to the grocery store, and buy my own cookies! It was a light bulb moment. No mom to tell me how many I could have. An entire box of cookies all to myself! So I did it, and I ate half a box of Oreo cookies, and drank 2 cherry Cokes. I got so sick that I threw up and had to go to bed several hours early. At that point I realized that my mom wasn't just being mean when she told me "no" and put limits on me, and I started listening to her more. Of course a couple of years later my real teenage years started, and I completely forgot that valuable lesson.
- Did the same when I got to college and ate three packets of pop tarts for breakfast.
  
  In my early twenties I started getting into the habit of eating a couple Pop-Tarts every morning for breakfas and began to notice Pop-Tarts were giving me pain in my heart. Literal pain in my heart. I've always been a healthy fit person, those Pop-Tart pains are the closest thing I've ever felt to a heart attack, and anyway that's how I stopped eating Pop-Tarts.
  
  I'm reminded of Paula Poundstone's routine on how she eats a box of Pop Tarts a day.
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLLP1Wtrg0U
  
  And that kids, is how I ~~met your mother~~ got diabetus.

One man can.

I was raised poor so even now that I can afford it, I feel something forbidding me from buying cake. That and knowing that I gain weight very easily and it takes me lots of hours to get raid of it.
- Regular grocery store cake is usually not worth it anyway. You’re much better off making your own, or at least your wallet and taste buds are better off, even if your blood sugar is not
- yeah every time I eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's, it takes a literal month to burn it off. The last time I had Ben and Jerry's was probably 2021. I've learned that hard lesson so many times. I figure it's easier to NOT eat something than it is to run a literal marathon to burn it off.
- Where I live cake isn't that expensive to make, or to buy, as long as it doesn't have some elaborate decorations on it. But any excuse to not eat it is probably the healthier choice.

Do this enough, and physics will stop you from getting in your car.
- Adulthood is being able to buy and eat as much cake as you want, but knowing that you really shouldn't.
- They’ll probably stop you from fitting your pants long before that.
  
  Pant's are overrated anyway
- That's when you buy a bigger car
  
  That explains the entire USA.

That's kind of my problem. I wish I could stop myself from buying ice cream.
- I shot up to 50 pounds above my healthy weight during 2020, and a big part of that I can attribute to the availability of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food at a nearby gas station
  
  Its only 1100 Cal per pint, what could go wrong?
  edit: don't tell me you stop at half a pint, that is clearly impossible.
  
  For me, the brand is Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream. They're pricey, but I ended up buying a couple of pints and eating them over the weekend. It completely undoes all my progress throughout the week too.
  Aw, shoot. Maybe I need to cut out ice cream.
- me too

If only bought cake were nearly as good as home made.
- Yeah I bake cakes and sweet treats for my family. I am kind of worried about the consequences on all of us. Please help.
  
  In my early housewife days I thought I was supposed to bake things so I did that and it didn't last long because baking is never really healthy and why would I want to sabotage my health and my family's health? I stopped baking.
- They can be. You just need to go to a local bakery instead of a grocery store.
  
  Sure, but I am not going to spend a ton of money just to find out that 50 % of the stuff does not taste.
  Obviously(?) I am not talking about the trash you get in a supermarket.

- You need a bigger car, yours is missing critical features. I bet it doesn't have a bowling alley either...
  
  I had to get rid of mine to make room for the raptor enclosure. Muldoon keeps telling me I should just destroy them because they are too dangerous, but I might be able to monetize them so they must stay. Safety is his job anyways, so I don't know why he bugs me about it.
  But I did keep the bakery, I'm not insane.

I remember realizing this at about 20, and that if I bought my own cake ingredients I could make cake for startlingly little money. The most expensive part was probably the ready made frosting.
Anyway I started making cakes for friends and neighbours in my apartment building after work. I didn't keep it up for very long, maybe a year, but I'm convinced my reputation is still riding high, decades later, from the goodwill I sowed during that time.

You can, you absolutely can. The thing is now it's not just that cake at the bakery counter in the grocery store. You're going to commit to buying a 10,000 calorie pile of wonder. You need to make sure that you do a good job. You need to go find the best goddamn cake in your area. But then, that means you got to drive a little bit. And it's going to be expensive, and you already a couple of pounds heavier than you should be because you're out of time and dealing with the kids. Ah crap, the kids they're going to want some cake. I have to eat this in my car. Do you think the bakery has utensils? Damn now I'm going to have to go two places. Ahh screw it maybe the next time this is posted.
- Yeah it makes me want to go out and get a cake. For about 30 seconds before I think about the logistics of actually getting a cake, having to pay for it myself, then eating like 2 pieces before I start feeling sick and overloaded on sugar and just leave the rest in the fridge until it goes stale.
  Freedom is wasted on the old
  
  This is one of the benefits of children. You eat the two pieces you want and they eat the rest. They don't care if it's stale. It's cake.
- OMG, coffee shops exists who sell cake by the serving. Some are delicious and they will keep bringing you new slices of cake as long as you promise to pay for them until all the cake is gone. And the waiter might judge you, but she will do so silently and from afar.
  
  Diners are also a pretty good place. The desserts are usually somewhat generic repeatable things but they are of a consistently decent quality, and as you point out sold by the slice.
  It seems like every time I find a favorite place they just disappear.
  We (me, wife and 3yo) were driving through a fairly urban area. There was this little sign outside this place that said vegan spiced chai cupcakes. I'm not vegan, I'm not vegetarian, but what I have found is that if a place says they've got vegan cupcakes or vegan cookies, somebody has been working on that taste and texture for years to get it right.
  They were absolutely the best cupcakes I've ever had in my life. The store closed up shop after about 6 months.

Can you order cake like you can order pizza? This calls for further investigation.
- Yes but it's up charged by the delivery app you use + tip to the driver so an $8 cake becomes $16 after taxes fees and tip.
  On the other hand, cake.
  
  I thought food is way cheaper in the US but considering the taxes and tip, the prices seems similar to Europe.
  What type of cake are we talking here? Industrial or home baked? Also what size? I am talking about a cake of 6 portion of around 200g.
- Most pizza places where i live sell lava cake.
- Instacart does grocery store delivery. Very useful when sick.

I discovered that in my mid-20s. I enjoyed eating a whole cake all by myself whenever the hell I wanted a few times and then the consequences begin to show and that's how we learn our lessons about things like that and then we eventually teach our kids the right way to do things and then they get bored with that and they turn around and rebel and then they learn their lessons in their 20s and the cycle continues.
- Some people don't suffer those consequences
  
  You mean some people can eat an entire cake and not get fat or feel generally unwell?

I have literally done this while watching Matilda
- I think about that kid every time I'm sitting there eating a whole cake straight out of the box without even bothering to slice it up or anything.
  Which is uh... not often >_>

Don't do it, it's a trick by big cake!!

Only if you have a car, otherwise you need to walk or take public transportation.
- You can literally break into any old car and drive it away. Who's going to stop you?
  
  The police and my conscience. The lack of any driving experience likely won't help either.

As an adult anyone can stop or hinder you from having a delicious cake

I live near a store that sells mini sheet cakes. I buy them whenever I'm in the mood.
- In the mood for what?
  
  Sheet cake.
  
  In the mood for sheets ofc.

Whenever I want
Where can I buy a cake at 3am? That's when I want cake, but even as an adult with a car, I am unable to get cake. 😩
Well, that kind of cake. I can get a different kind on Grindr 24/7.
- Where can I buy a cake at 3am?
  Any 24-hour supermarket.
- Convenience stores often carry those mccain cakes. I got tired of them when I lived above one in a previous life.
- My nearby ASDA is 24/7, it's about a 10 minute walk. Cakes any time!

Your heart might stop you, eventually.
- I think you mean pancreas. Though, IDK which would come first.

As an adult you should realize that eating a cake any time you want is unhealthy and should have the self control to delay that gratification. Sure noone can stop you, but you should have the self respect to stop yourself.
- Today is the day. I have delayed gratification for over 40 years and today is the day I eat a whole damn cake.
  
  You know I don't think I've ever eaten a whole cake, and at this point I think I would regret it before I was even half finished lol, but if you've got the mettle good speed to you 🙇
- depends on how often you want to eat cake
- Boooooriiiiing. I'll have a slice of the chocolate please
- Depends a lot on your genotype, I think. I wouldn't eat it every day, but I've never noticed any ill effects
  
  No. Calories in, calories out. No one can break the laws of physics.

Sure, but I try to go to the place with all the bouncy castles and they won't let me play even if I bring my own socks.
- Try a trampoline park instead.
  
  Trampoline parks don't have giant inflatable clowns at the top of the trampoline! It's not the same!

Damn I had a birthday recently and I totally forgot about that option.
- My brother or sister, the birthday doesn't even enter into it. If you want cake just go get some.
  
  But then I think about calories and other negative consequences. On my birthday, however, I can say: "Well, it's my birthday!"

Your grandma makes better chocolate cake than whatever the grocery store sells.
- Grandma is dead, besides, she was always a terrible cook.

For me, it was a whole honey glazed ham.

literall--
downvote.

Unless you're LGB. Oddly enough, your right to Cake is still protected if you're T. Fittingly, there doesn't seem to be a clear answer for Q.
Edit: I can only assume the down votes are because my comment and links were US-centric. Sorry about that.