Memes @lemmy.ml

11mo ago

Put me in the trash can at the park.

114 comments

I had to pay the trash company to take an old couch. They sent over a special truck that ate that sofa bed in seconds and all that was left on the road were some wood splinters. That was when I knew how I wanted to be disposed of after I die.

I've always said to dump me in a ditch somewhere, I'm not gonna care, I'll be dead. If anybody pays for an expensive ass coffin for me, I will come back and haunt their ass.
- Burial Pod baby: https://8billiontrees.com/eco-friendly-natural-products/tree-pod-burial/
  I would have liked a sky burial or something.
  
  This is basically what I want done, composting and then burial under a redwood sapling. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_composting
  
  My plan, if I live old enough to be facing debilitating age-related illness is to organize all my assets to be distributed beforehand, then hike out into the middle of a dense forest where I cant possibly be found, dig a shallow pit to lie in, and die there by whatever means tickles me at the time.
  There are no large predators where I live, so Id just be slowly dissected by the ants and the beetles.
  
  Bene Gesserit burials in "Chapterhouse" sound like it: dig a vertical hole, put the body in with (presumably) biodegradable wrapping, plant a tree on it.
- I've said the same thing,same reasoning, but my wife and kids lost their minds when I suggested it. I even suggested planting a tree so they could have a place to consider "me" to be,no dice. So good luck to you and everyone else concerned with saving money or hassle out there.
- You basically just rephrased multiple scenes with Frank in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia...
  "I mean, I don't give a shit. If I was dead you could bang me all you want. I mean, who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash. I mean, shove as much shit in there as you want. Fill me up with cream, make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead! Oh shit! Is my mic on?"
  or another episode: "When I die, just throw me in the trash!"
  Just thought it was funny to find people mirroring Frank Reynolds in real life... although I always pretty much agreed with him. I'm more concerned with how traumatizing it'd be for my family to see me in a ditch, and/or being filled with cream.

Your body is a resource. Don't throw it away or bury it, give it to a gothy craftsman in exchange for half the jewelry made from it going to your family. It literally triples your chances of acquiring haunting privileges.
- Now this sounds rather fancy lot, good sir!

A reminder to everyone that Costco sells caskets: https://www.costco.com/funeral-caskets.html
And every funeral home legally has to allow you to purchase the casket elsewhere per the FTC: https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/ftc-funeral-rule (That doc also has a lot of other useful tips in it.)
- I was a funeral director. People rarely provide their own caskets even if they have the legal right to. Nobody wants to manage the purchase and delivery of an expensive product right after their loved one has died. Funeral homes will also make it difficult by requiring delivery at certain times, inspection by the purchaser at time of delivery, and requiring the purchaser also get liability insurance on the casket.
  
  Can't have the casket failing and killing the occupant. /s
- I love the fact that there is star ratings for the caskets, like did the person who passed away come back to life to rate the casket out of 5 starts and then pass away again.
- Nice try Costco. Your casket sales are down and now the guerilla marketing starts.

Even knowing the crazy shit that happens when your body is "donated for science" I still want it. It would be neat for some weirdo to have my skull on their shelf, or get dissected in front of an audience.
Now that I think about it, I should sell off my body parts like a Ferengi.
- Rule of Acquisition #75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
- It's my understanding that most bodies "donated to science" end up as medical school cadavers, that you'll be a semester's lab equipment for four graduate students.
  
  That would also be good, but Last Week Tonight did a story that showed the reality is more like I described
- I don't care if some psychopathic med student uses my body as a puppet while doing a silly voice. I don't care if they play Weekend at Bernies with it. That prick will be saving lives soon enough, that's all that matters. When I disrespectfully dissected a fetal pig in high school bio, I still learned something.
- I want this too. I saw a documentary about a dying man who took this option. They interviewed him about the decision, then after his death filmed medical students dissecting him (from a distance, it was discreet) and interviewed them about the experience. They were grateful for his gift, and incredibly respectful when speaking about him.
  The thing is, the inside of a body looks nothing like the nice tidy diagrams. It's a mess in there! I'd like these kids to practise on dead me before they start cutting into live people.
- What if they resurrect your brain in a jar and make you watch Justin Bieber videos all day?
  
  I don't believe in hell
- Vacuum Desiccation is where the real money is! https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ferengi_death_ritual

Air frying is just a convection cremation, you know.
- also free snacks for the mourning
  saves a ton on catering
  
  No need to wait for the next day, you can eat the night of!

In Edge runners, they were putting people's cremated remains in stainless steel capsule, like a world's worst kinder surprise. That struck me as being very plausible in the future.
- My plan has always been to get cremated and then just bury my ashes somewhere with a little gravestone. No need for a container or anything, after a few years go ahead and bury someone else's ashes in the same spot and either replace the headstone or figure out a way to stack em. Just have a running tally of names and dates for everyone buried in that plot.
  
  My plan A was similar. Just get cremated and just be scattered around my parents graves. Just so "I'm around“. Plan b, viking funeral. Plan "c" is getting cramated, getting an half and ounce of ashes, putting it in resin keychains. Then during the memorial, "take a little piece of Bob with you.", and hand out the keychains. Eventually, you are going to lose it, go back to my wife, because she probably has a box of leftover me somewhere.
- I think there are worse kinder surprises.
  
  Yea, what happens in SOMA fucks with me whenever i think about it.
  Digitizing consciousness for use in simulations, and spun up and down in an isolated environment like they are some AWS service.
- I honestly prefer that.

I told my wife that when I die, if she can, claim she doesn't recognize the body so that the state has to dispose of me to save costs.
- I love this so much lol.
- I told my wife the same...repeatedly. We are Canadian though.

I want my remains to be scattered around wonderland. Also, no cremation
- Canada's Wonderland?
  
  Yeah, strap my head to leviathan plz

Just fling me into a wood chipper, and point it at the ground in a field somewhere.
Failing that, I've always loved the idea of being strapped to a rocket and launched into space.
If all else fails, I'd like my family to perform a (mostly) shot-for-shot remake of the funeral scene from GoW: Ragnarok.
- If all else fails, I'd like my family to perform a (mostly) shot-for-shot remake of the funeral scene from GoW: Ragnarok
  Complete with _{Bear McCreary} "Raeb" playing his hurdy-gurdy?
  
  Of course, ideally it'd be Bear McCreary, but I'd settle for my wife learning to play it.

Funeral homes will try to guilt trip you to go for the most expensive options by saying it will be the last thing you can do for your loved ones.
- The last thing I do for them will be to pull the plug most likely. After they dead it's whatever.

As a woodworker, my first thought is 'I can build my own casket for a tenth of that price."
My second thought is "Damn I need to get into the casket industry."
- So what did you do?
  
  In the 20 minutes since reading the meme, posting a comment elsewhere in the thread, then posting this one? Took a few more bites of my lunch and watched some of a retrospective about the TV show Farscape on Youtube.

Am I the only one that thinks a Viking burial with a raft cobbled together out of logs and stuff by my loved ones would be awesome?
- Burning rafts don't get hot enough to cremate a corpse, it'll just scorch you and dump your body in the lake to wash up on shore and terrify children.
  
  Is that what happened in actual viking burials?
  Surely there's some way you could make it hot enough
- Exactly... Why is this not an option? It needs to be.
  
  Right? Feel like the building of the raft would be a good way for people to process, wouldn't be that expensive cause you'd just be using wood and rope instead of a coffin and burial service

I like the idea of having the entire family pool in money to get a single, large, shared funerary urn. Dump my ashes in with my ancestors and give it a good stir.
- Eww, I don't want to be touching great-uncle Harvey!
  
  Again…
- I too have thought about the family urn. Throw in the pet ashes too!

For when you need that last extra special grope of capitalism

Just shoot me out of a cannon
- Fuck yeah! Don't even wait until I'm dead.
  
  ... Any room in there?

I've made it very known that I wanna be thrown in to the woods to rot when I die.

You just wait to find out how much it cost to make the hole and then to close it. Or to just purchase the little spot of ground that you're going to be buried beneath. Or how about the giant concrete box they have to bury you in to which goes your casket. Or spending $600 on a single splay flowers..... With a bow.
- Donate me to science. Have it all. Dissect my woofy for all I care.
  
  They might just blow you up with bombs or leave you in a field to rot so they can study decomposition.

Just throw me in the trash

You sure about that buddy ?
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2718
- oh god that scp keeps me up at night
  
  The page isn’t loading for me, what is it?
  Don’t know much about scp but always love what horrors people think of
  
  Yeah, it keep popping in mind from time to time. All we can do is hope it's not what actually happens and move on or otherwise we'd become mad.

Put me on the lawn so I can finally fertlize it like I said I would.

I'm finally going to medical school!
Harvard Medical. As a cadaver. They'll return my ashes to my son when the students are finished hacking my fat ass up for science.

I consider it to be alarming because it can encourage people to choose cremation unnecessarily, just because it fits the budget. I would not take away or mock anyone's choice to cremate if that really is their first choice...
But I think it's upsetting for Orthodox Christians and other groups that require burial and would like to have a dignified casket at an affordable price. Just like how I sometimes feel bothered thinking about *the cost of burial plots." The idea of being fleeced of a significant part of a modest inheritance through the funerary process is really off-putting.
- I get your point, but organized religion LOVES to fleece people. They live for that shit! Make you feel ill and sick and then sell you the 7,500 $ cure!
- I mean at that point, why aren't churches paying the funeral expenses? Can't let a Christian corpse get desecrated! It is their Christian duty!
  
  What!? And ruin the bottom line!? Blasphemous!
  
  I imagine that some do pay for it, while others don't.
  I've learned there's a huge variety in compensation for Priests, as well. In places like Greece, where it is the state religion, Priests are government employees, I believe, and they get some fixed amount as public servants, while in much of the world it all depends on the local parish. Many priests have to continue working in the world to pay their bills.
  I am not sure if there has been a case at my church where we have crowdfunded a casket but I know we have people pay something like $25 USD a year to be buried in the Church cemetery, which is an absolute steal.
  Poor people here are universally cremated.

In the mighty words of Danny devito, "when I'm dead, just throw me in the trash."
- Trash man!

I want my decrepit corpse launched into space, which is only slightly more expensive

First parts are organ donations.
The excess can be used by science.
The excess from that can be burned and thrown somewhere, I don't care.
- They can stick my woofy on a stick and wave it around in a parade for all I care.

Just Kobe me into the nearest dumpster/landfill.
- 100% compostable

@BonesOfTheMoon Funerals are bourgeoisie BS. $ 700 cremations include a cardboard box
- A funeral I attended recently had a plywood coffin and a bunch of felt-tip pens for people to write messages with. At another one a while back, the coffin was wickerwork.
- I used to know a guy who embalmed his own wife (yes I'm serious!) who offered to get me a deal when the time came for cheap cremation but sadly he died first.

is there a ralph's around here?
- Ralph's, like Ralph's BBQ here.

the average cost of a casket is usually between $2,000 and $5,000
-random google seo spam
- You used to be able to get a pine box for $500. Idk what they cost now. I only know this because I had the misfortune of having to plan a funeral for someone.
  
  I'll build you one for $495
  
  if you donate your organs, the hospital will cremate the leftovers for free...

How big is the biggest rubbermaid tote?
- A hacksaw and several smaller totes are cheaper.
  
  Hell I'd be ok with someone just throwing me into a big blender then feeding me to some pigs or something.

Jeffrey Dahmer has enter the chat.

Throw me in an open hole, return me to Gaia.

"Y'all can bury me loose."
- Bury me in the back yard. Meh.

At this point take me to Uruguay and eat me.
- I think you mean the Andes between Argentina and Chile. You just need some Uruguayans handy to eat you.

Garbage post.

114 comments