What's the funniest mishearing of song lyrics you've had?

Hold me closer, Tony Danza...
- You didn't mishear it, the name and commonly-accepted lyrics are a retroactive fix at Mr. Danza's request and he asks that we respect his privacy.
- This one wins lol
- https://youtu.be/DrH5sxrRdyc

Not me personally, but I worked with a guy that always thought Secret Agent Man was Secret Asian Man.
- No joke. Many years ago we went to a biker bar and it happened to be a karaoke night. Asian guy sings Secret "Asian" man and we lost our shit.
  
  I've since learned it is a fairly common one. But we got a lot of laughs out of it with him. Just out of the blue when he'd come to his desk someone would break out singing it.
- Da Vinci's Notebook has you covered: https://youtu.be/ezd_gZxOukw?si=yQJ38BXRZU7BzJ7-
- Honestly I think the singer threw in at least one secret asian man, and Secret aging man.
- I am that guy. I thought that for a 20 years

Pearl Jam; Daughter
Center of a Rhododendron = Center of he own attention.
- Pearl Jam feels like cheating.
  Here's the classic Yellow Ledbetter
  
  I still don't know the full lyrics of even flow. Every time I hear it fucks with my head and I forget the words.
  
  Yellow Ledbetter doesn't count. It's mumbled in recordings because the lyrics change over time to adapt to whatever conflict we're currently wasting life on.
  
  "Gimme fries"
- Always loved Eddie making fun of Mike for thinking the Kiss lyrics were, “I wanna rock n roll all night, and part of every day.”

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee
When I was a kid, I swear the lyrics sounded like "later we'll have some fucking pie", but it's "later we'll have some pumpkin pie".
- Oh I am absolutely teaching that one to my nephew before next holiday season…
- How old?
  
  Can't say I remember. It's one of those songs that has been played every year for ages upon ages. Maybe around 10 or something.

No dogs orgasm in the classroom
Another Brick in the Wall (part 2)
- "all in all it's just a" - "hol ihn hol ihn unters Dach"
  "Fetch him under the roof". And it has a nice story to go along with it that the sound engineer mixing the song was German, heard that line and then committed suicide under the roof of the studio because he was reminded of the abuse he suffered as a child in an orphanage.
  Total fabrication by the German documentary show "Quarks & Co" to demonstrate how one can be manipulated to hear stuff that isn't there. To this day I can't not hear it when listening to the song.
  
  What is Lady Gaga saying in Scheiße or is that hokey-Deutsch?

I know I'm not the only one but I always thought the line was "dirty deeds and the Thunder Chief". Still think Thunder Chief is a cool name.
Same band, I thought the line was "let loose, vamanoose" like a funny way of saying vamonos - or "lets go".
- Better than "Dirty deeds done with sheep"
- I thought it was "Dirty deeds, dungarees" when I was a kid .
  
  My mum thought it was “Dirty jeans and they’re dungarees”!
- I also used to say stuff like that as a kid! I think I said, "thunder Jeep." My dad thought it was hilarious. But he did show me that the album included the lyrics. I’ll still do it my way if the song comes on when he visits.
- I also heard "Thunderchief" and thought it was referring to airplane of that name
- Justin?

Blinded By the Light
~~Roll up like a douche~~ Rev up like a deuce
- 🎵 Another boner in the night 🎵

If you want a big list of these check out https://www.kissthisguy.com/
Here's one from there
Like a virgin touched for the thirty-first time. Artist: Madonna Song: Like a Virgin Real Lyric: Like a virgin touched for the very first time.

Crimean River

CUT MY LIFE INTO PIZZAS
- THIS IS MY PLASTIC FORK
  
  BACON STRIPS, AND EXTRA CHEESE PLEASE

- Fun fact: there is a book called that, that is a collection of these.
  
  Kissthisguy.com

I remember the subtitles for Smash Mouth - Walking on the Sun said "It's like kitty fat, it retracts before impact" which was nuts, I had the CD, and it was "any fad". They didn't use to vet subtitles on MTV. There were orders, but that's all I remember.

Taylor Swift - Blank Space
"Got a long list of ex lovers"
As
"Gotta love those Starbucks lovers"
I thought it was supposed to be a self aware "white girl" joke.
- Lmao I also heard it as that and was so confused at wtf it was supposed to actually be

I used to work with this guy who swore the lyrics to Beast of Burden by The Rolling Stones were, “Don’t wanna be, your pizza’s burnin’”.
- I will never accept that it's not. I would say that the correct lyrics are "pizza burner", though.

- In the middle of the night is best
- I was like last month old when a cover performance finally suggested it could be "deuce", like the coupe, instead. I knew "douche" was wrong, but I never had the presence to ask.
  I still don't know whether that's right.

If you like peeing on koalas and getting caught in the rain

It's in our nature to destroy ourselves
It's in our nature to kill ourselves
It's in our nature to kill each other
It's in our nature to kill, kill, kill
That's the actual lyrics of Blood Brothers from Papa Roach, some people hear "Human Nature" instead of our nature, which is still the same meaning. However I once read someone misshearing of that lyrics and I can never unheard it, this is what I hear now (and so will you if you read):
Send the ninjas to destroy ourselves
Send the ninjas to kill ourselves
Send the ninjas to kill each other
Send the ninjas to kill, kill, kill

Had a friend who's little bro thought "Liberate my madness" from Liberate by Slipknot was "Never eat bananas".

Selena Gomez - Good For You - "~~I'm 14 carats. I'm 14 carets~~ I'm farting carrots. I'm farting carrots."

José Feliciano - Feliz Navidad.
Sounds like he is saying 'release mum and dad.' interlace with him singing 'I want to wish you a merry christmas'
I was in stitches at the dinner table when I heard it. Trying to tell my brother while crying and hyperventilating with laughter made it even better.
- I hear this song in my head every time I see a "for lease" sign...
  For lease navidad.

Is it the reebok or nike
- How have I never heard this. That was great.

Back nearly 20 years ago Disney California Adventure (Anaheim, Cali) had this interactive exhibit where you did various things in line with the Disney animated kids movies. One was playing the Seven Dwarfs "Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work we go..."
In a little alcove in front of a group of friends was another group of cute mid-teen little Latino girls. They were dressed somewhat provocatively for the average Disney guest and all were wearing bold makeup, (not judging, but they stood out). The typical Spanish accent was prevalent with the silent "h". Their innocent rendition as they sang along was hilarious. Happy as they could be they were singing, "I hoe, I hoe, it's off to work we go..."

Head Automatica - I Shot William H. Macy
What my friends and I heard when the album dropped: "Yeah, yeah... I put a sausage in your little hand!"
What the actual line says: "Yeah yeah, I'll put assassins in your little head."
Although my all-time favorite is and will forever be:
"Excuse me, while I kiss this guy" - Jimmy Hendrix
- Love Head Automatica (and Glassjaw!)
  I’mma pull up I Shot William H. Macy now.

She's got electric boobs... Something something... B-b-b-benny and the jetsssss
- Its funny, I always felt Benny was more crocodiley than Crocodile Rock. Like that snappy piano riff at the beginning sounds like the musical/thematic equivalent of a crocodile with its mouth wide open snapping shut

"Blank Space" by Taylor Swift
~~Got a long list of ex-lovers~~
"Lonely Starbucks lovers"
- Well, I'm glad I wasnt alone on that one

"Hey now, you're a rockstar, get laaaiid!"
Oh, it's actually get PAID.
- Til
- I've always sang the first chorus as get paid and the second chorus as get laid without thinking about it.

The bridge to The Four Horsemen by Metallica
🎶Time has taken a stool on you!🎶

Hamster. A dentist!
- Warrior! Steven Segal!

Uptown funky butt

Hemorrhage by Fuel
~~Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again~~ We all livin' in my pants, in my pants oh yeah
- The mind hears wat it wantz to hear 🔮

Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Casserole, casserole, on the wall.

The Toadies "Possum Kingdom"
I'm not gonna lie
I'll not be a gentleman
Behind the boathouse
I'll show you my ~~dark secret~~ dashiki

Who'll stop Lorraine?
I thought it was about a lady who fell down a hill.
- Have you ever seen Lorraine?
- I always heard "Who shot Lorraine"

I want to break trees

Brimful of Asha by Cornershop.
The title and the lyric are both "brimful of Asha", which has a double meaning. In the singer's native language 'Asha' means hope, and is also the name of an iconic Bollywood singer/dancer.
What I heard was "grim poodle basher". Obviously it wasn't right, but I couldn't figure out the actual words just by listening harder.

Acting funny, but I don't know why... 'Scuse me while I ~~kiss the sky~~ kiss this guy
Hendrix. Purple Haze
- There's gotta be, like a separate... Thing... For when the lyrics you misheard make more sense than what the lyrics actually are.
  
  If there is, the word for it is definitely German

Simon & Garfunkel; Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know
=
She’s a slut more than you could know—whoa, who, whoa!
- That’s “The Graduate Remix”

I wish I didn't have to ~~pee~~ be so bad.
-blink 182 - Wendy Clear
and the most prominent
I ~~wore cologne~~ walk alone to get the feeling right
-blink 182 - What's My Age Again.
Though sometimes when Tom and Mark performs live, they butchered some lines for some dumb jokes lol.

From high school until two or three weeks ago, I thought the lyrics for Limp Bizkit's "Just Like This" were concerned about John Goodman's weight.
"...and we make sure that John Goodman beats fat"
The song randomly popped into my head a few weeks ago, and I was like "wait, that can't be right". So I looked up the correct lyrics which are "And we made sure that John kept them beats phat"
- I just breathed a sigh of relief that John Goodman is not the subject of a Limp Bizkit song…

Baking Carrot Biscuits != Taking Care of Business
- Loled

There this French fold band, Skáld that usually sings in Old Norse language. In the song Hross, the first line of the chorus is "Hverir eru þeir tveir?". The way they sing those first two words sounds like "Fevereiro", which is the Portuguese (my native language) word for February.

Working with guys who's 1st language isn't English singing "Take me to Monkey Town", instead of "Take me to Funky Town."

Golden Earring - Radar Love
We've got a thing that's called ~~red hot love~~
We've got a wave in the air
~~Red hot love~~
In my defense, I was hearing this over sometimes-fuzzy analog radio rather than off a tape or CD where the track title might clue me in. Less defensible: not noticing the other words that make more sense when talking about radar.
- I always thought it was redeye love, in the same context as a redeye flight.
- I always thought that song was "Red Alert"
- SureSure

Twenty years ago, Buffalo, NY. The Fat of the Land by Prodigy was still huge. A dancer in a strip club thought "Smack my removed Up" was "Snap my Picture". True story.

The ultimate misheard lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUAaHkGpJy8&t=32
- Ken Lee!

"Carry a laser" - Mr. Mister

I just can't understand 90% of lyrics.
- Im a big "subtitle" guy so I hear you 🧐

I had a friend in grade school that argued with me about the lyrics to Kenny Rodgers The Gambler. He was loudly and angrily certain the song said "You gotta know how to hold 'em" and would NOT hear my suggestion that it is really "when to hold 'em".
The next day he quietly told me I was right.

Suffragette City:
"The smell of fat chicks just puts a smile on my face"

What have I become my Swedish friend?

Every girl's crazy about a sharp dressed man= every girl's crazy about his shotgun hair.

There be a hot tub in the town of Berlin .

Call Me Maybe / Carly Rae Jepsen
You took your time with the call
I took no time with the fall
You gave me nothing at all
But still, you're in my way
I beg and borrow and steal
~~Swear to Satan it's real~~ At first sight, and it's real
I didn't know I would feel it
But it's in my way
Yep. Knew it was wrong, but that's what I heard. TIL what the actual lyrics are.
- Another Carly Rae one:
  Fake Mona Lisa
  He was born in Vegas
  The way she sings it, it sounds like
  It's morning fa**ots

My aunt once told me when one of my cousins was like 4 or 5, he was singing along to Band on the Run, but saying "Hand on the rug"

For Whom the Bell Tolls. "~~Ni**as~~ fight on the hill in the early day..." == Make his