12mo ago

The way this is written out really irks me.

213 comments

be kind to the poor pfc, he's paying by the week for seven years for that shitbox.
- This truck screams "I just blew my enlistment bonus"
  
  Small down payment at best.
  
  This is a real thing that happens. I know someone who took his bonus and bought a red Toyota Celica and put Lambo doors on it.

I would pass the guy and then let him know he was passed by a queer in a fiesta. You know he'd just hate that.
- I once got passed by a rainbow-decal prius with the bumper stickers "0-60 eventually" and "you just got passed by a lesbian in a unicorn outfit"
  Sure enough when we stopped at the next light, there were two rather lovey-dovey women in the front seat, and the driver was wearing what looked like a unicorn onesie. It was fantastic.
  Incidentally, my wife now has a similar unicorn onesie and wears it when we go grocery shopping.
  
  Now I have to wonder, does she wear a unicorn onesie all the time or does she put it on over her regular street clothes before driving? If the latter, why? Which came first, the sticker or the onesie? If her partner drives the car, is she required to wear the onesie?
  
  Plot twist, she makes the unicorn onesie and that's her marketing strategy.
- Have you heard the one where your fiesta takes adderall?
  It turns into a focus.
  Not original material but I had to say it
  
  Haha
  It's true. I had a focus before the fiesta (the dealer actually bought my focus for more than it was worth and traded the fiesta for it; some stock related issue and they were desperate for focuses). They're practically identical vehicles.
  
  Was this joke found on road dead?
- I drive a Prius and have a very long commute which goes through a rather conservative area. My existence inadvertently pisses off so many big truck drivers. I'll never understand why some people need to speed up and pass me immediately after I've passed them. It's not a competition!
  
  I don't understand the correlation of having a small penis and simping for big oil, either. 🤷🏻‍♂️
  See it with Teslas, too. It's pretty funny to me that even though Tesla is pretty hated, the people who hate them for good reason don't go around keying them or trying to run them off the road, while the jerk offs who hate them just for being electric are the people who do those things.
  
  You can make your commute more interesting (and less safe) by adding a very visible rainbow flag
- Guys like this are fun to bait past a speed trap in a little econobox.
- Fiestas are a solid hairdressers car.
  
  I don't know of any liquid or gas hairdressers, so I'm guessing it's good for all of them.

Serious "you will address me by my husband's rank" energy here
- Is this a thing? Lol that's so depressing.
  
  Dependas be like that.
  
  they're called dependas and yes very much a thing

I've heard that people who drive a Dodge Ram are most likely to have a DUI on their record.
For real. Might have changed since then though.
- Dickheads drive dodge
  
  Dickheads drive ~~Dodge~~ pickup trucks
- I read that too. I think the 2500 model had the highest rate.
  
  Unless another model has truck balls, which doubles the trucks overall douche-value.
  
  yeah i heard that from regular car reviews!
- People who make poor life choices are more likely to make other poor life choices.
- It was BMW drivers, rams were a close second to Tesla in driving incidents and highest overall combined incidents and dui.
  
  Saw that recently as well. Wondering if the stats are US versus the world. BMWs just don't seem common enough in the US to hold the top spot. Unless every driver is constantly tanked at all times.
- https://aacriminallaw.com/the-most-common-vehicles-for-drunk-driving-arrests/
  
  At least the alcoholic grindset yuppies are well represented by the BMW 4 series and Audi A4 in the top 5.
  Absolutely zero surprise of Ram trucks being #1. The only vehicle that has ever crashed into me was a Ram. All the tires were mismatched and the driver came to his deposition with alcohol on his breath. They’re a fun bunch, those Ram drivers.
- Still the same, up there with BMW

Any soldier of worth I’ve ever known, …any true soldier, wouldn’t advertise their profession as such.
Wannabe.
Nothing more.
- This screams boot to me, lol. I bet you the financed it at something ridiculous too.
  Is there an r/JustBootThings on Lemmy or Kbin? Some of the shit on there was hilarious.
  
  I said the same thing. My ex-husband was military (though not boot at all) and you could absolutely find this truck in the px parking lot. Probably driven by a 20 year old with a kid and a pregnant wife who goes shopping off base in his uniform solely so people will thank him for his service.
  
  Boot?
  
  Nothing worse than a moto ass boot.
  100% he's a POG too
- No true Scotsman...
- wanna bet he's a 92f or some shit?
  maybe a 74a who's huffed too much ojt
- And the Ares is quotes, blegh.
- Exactly. Most actual soldiers would say Marine, etc. rarely use soldier.
  
  Unless they are in the Army. Then they would rightfully call themselves a soldier. Soldier, Airman, Marine, Seaman, Guardian and Spacie. I guess not sure on the last one
- Eh, a lot of us did stupid stuff like put a CIB sticker on or something. This is a whole 'nother level.

There used to be a community for this on the website that shall not be named. “Don’t Dead Open Inside” I think?
- There's here too! !dontdeadopeninside@lemmy.ohaa.xyz
  
  The fuck is ohaa.xyz?

I bet it's financed ar 29.9%
- By a private who graduated basic in the last 30 days.

The fuck is a hemi?
- A Hemi indicates the top of the combustion chamber has a Hemispherical shape, rather than the typical frying pan type shape.
  The increased size of the chamber means additional fuel and air can be introduced, which increases power output.
  It's old tech like carburetors. It's wasteful on fuel, but MOPAR fans love it.
  
  Doesn't it also mean a higher compression ratio? Meaning more power behind the same A:F ratio? Or am I as dumb as the guy who put the stickers on that truck?
- It's something rednecks will ask other rednecks about whether they have one or not. If you see that sticker, there is about a 30 percent chance that the driver of the vehicle is drunk.
- An old-fashioned engine design.
- It's a type of engine design found mainly in certain pickup trucks. I don't know why but it's an important thing to some people.
  
  Can't forget the charger.
- It's the engine in the truck. It's a Chrysler V8.
- The car I think

Don't dead open inside

You just By A Driving
Got
Passed Soldier A Hemi
Ares
Apparently one who isn't literate either.

Imagine being a soldier and still having something to prove on the freeway
- Dishonorable discharge
  
  from his penis too.

People who treat driving as some kind of competition should have their license permanently revoked.
- sad race car noises
  
  The price is wrong sound, but in fart muffler tones.
- When I’m driving all day, I try as hard as possible to forget who passes me and who I pass. This little kid in my mind is like “pay attention, lars, don’t let them get there first!”. It’s gross.
- I kinda do but the only one im competeing with is myself and the shitty dirt "road" I decided to drive on.

You, just by a driving, got passed. Soldier, a hemi!!
- Hope I'm not the only one trying to put these words to Smooth Criminal.
  You just got passed by, you just got hit by, a soldier in a hemi!

I'm speeding, I kill people for the government, and my engine has hemispherical combustion chambers!
- and my engine has hemispherical combustion chambers!
  Not even that anymore. HEMI is just a marketing term.

Wow, he's got TWO things to base his whole personality on. What a complex, nuanced existence he must lead. 🙄
- And here I am with like 10 hobbies and unable to keep up with them. I still find myself unable to communicate with others though as my hobbies are niche and not the norm for most people.
  
  I wouldn't recommend using vinyl lettering on a RAM as your method of communication. Try a makerspace, they're wonderfully wide-ranging in terms of hobbies and interests.
- But also he's passin people. Getting ahead!!

These kinda folks look the best when they crawl away unharmed from the twisted pile of useless scrap that used to be that truck

What’s hilarious is they know it annoys you. This kind of driver lives to take up space in your life. They’d build a giant statue belching fire and yelling “REMEMBER ME” in your backyard if they could.
- Shut up, baby, you know you love it.

It's more of a crappy design than mildly infuriating
- But can’t crappy design be mildly infuriating
  
  Ah yes! Post everything in every community

Gotta love this guy making soldiering and being a dickhead his public identity.
- That's exactly my response to this. "Okay???"
  Like, congrats on being a soldier, I mean, respect for doing that (except for that you can literally just walk in and become one, but fine they're braver than I am.) But then driving a Hemi? Anyone can do that. It does not require a college education to purchase a car and drive it.
  This is a man who has very little going on in their life and has to act super proud to make up for it.

obligatory: "you just got by a driving passed soldier a hemi"

the sort of man who names his car, and puts the name on the car, and feels the need to include quotes, because in writing as in all areas of life, he doesn't know what he's doing, though he'd have a sad little testosterone fit if you told him so. it's the real meaning of the word removed
- I named my truck, but "Old Clunky" doesn't exactly jump out as the kind of name you'd want to advertise.
- The Greek god of war, how fitting for someone that through their choice of vehicle has declared war on pedestrians.

Dont dead open inside

you just by a driving got passed soldier a hemi!!!

Don't on tread me
- No step on snek!

Round here we call this “micro-penis syndrome”, the urge to tell everyone that this is how they are compensating for possessing what they believe to be tiny penis.
- Smaller penises get way harder, they have their own charm.
  
  It’s their perception. For all we know they are average size. Penis is being used as a euphemism for masculinity. The point being, these types of signs are pure posturing, “proving” that they are the “alpha male”.
- Omg that’s soooo original
  
  Another prime example
  
  I mean I don’t mind the sentiment but the way it was presented as an original thought we all needed a lecture on was a bit much yeah

Somebody come get your private.

You just got passed by a soldier in debt up to his eyeballs.
- Just Boot Things...

You just got passed by a man with a small penis.
- He isn’t deep either.

Pardon my ignorance but is driving a Hemi a "good" thing or a "bad" thing and thus an insult to be passed by?
- Dudes that say “hemi” still are stuck in the past and stupid. I say this as someone who owns and drives a Ram 2500 “Hemi” (don’t worry, no DUIs). It’s a marketing term at this point that dumb grunts (and I don’t just mean in the military) buy into because they feel special. It’s like dudes that say they drive a Cummins or Power Stroke (yes all of these are as erotic as they sound). It’s an engine. At the end of the day it’s kind of a crappy one too. Most Dodge Hemi’s have what’s known as Hemi-tick that is this sort of constant clicking on idle, they’re incredibly inefficient, they make mediocre power compared to their competition and the reliability on them is questionable at best. Overall good maintenance will keep these motors working fine and running for a long time, but the paint on every Ram will fade and chip, the clear coat will crap out, and the interior will eventually start to rattle and fall apart faster than the competition. 10/10 vehicles.
  
  Why did you buy the Hemi if you think it's bullshit?
- A Hemi engine has a hemispherical dome, which was a new design that increased efficiency and power output over others, in 1901.
  Chrysler popularized the term for their engines in the 1950's, and the name has a positive image in some circles because Chrysler-built Hemi engines were used in WW2 fighter planes and NASCAR racecars.
  
  Also to note, Chrysler just keeps the name HEMI. Modern ones aren’t actually hemispherical.
- It's supposed to be a good thing. I don't get the context of the stickers either unless it's just supposed to be a useless explanation of the situation.
  
  It’s supposed to be a good thing
  What part of it is good in any way?
  Guy's in the military: yeah war. Yeehaw...
  He's proud to drive a gas guzzling truck
- It's a V8 engine with a massive bore. It's fast and powerful. Being passed by one isn't really an insult. It's like "okay, I'm driving a corolla and a V8 just passed me, this is to be expected."
- Hemi basically translates to a powerful engine. Purchased by certain people.

Yeah, we keep missing recruitment goals. This is what happens when you have to take what you can get. ><

His mother must be so proud

All I see is "my wife has a cricket"

Why is he so obsessed with God Of War 2005?

Many veterans suffer from traumatic brain injury. It's not nice to make fun of them. Tho' it is just a little amusing.

Am I having a stroke? Did someone just turn words into a bioweapon?
- Mass murder by words.
- COGNITO HAZARD WARNING
  
  Oh shit, someone needs to write this up as an SCP that's so dumb it breaks minds lmao

What is the point of that?
- It's the new truck nutz.
  He's compensating for his poor self image.
  
  Don't you put the noble truck nuts and this man in the same category, thanks
  
  I haven’t seen those in years
- The spacing or the stickers? The spacing maybe so he can see out the back of that window
  
  More curious about the sticker

Of course it’s Texas.

I wonder if this guy served?

I'm sensing high levels of Big Douchebag Energy
Also, most everyone missed OP's gripe lol. No worries, brah! "Don't dead open inside," I hear ya.

"you just waited patiently at a traffic signal behind a soldier driving a Hemi !!!"
"You just merged onto the freeway behind a soldier driving a Hemi !!!"
"You just momentarily shared a roundabout with a soldier driving a hemi !!!"
"You just got served coffee at a drive through after a soldier driving a Hemi !!!"
"If you happen to be a soldier driving a hemi, that means a soldier driving a hemi is driving behind a soldier driving a hemi !!!"