12mo ago

Why isn't anyone farting in school?

I was homeschooled previously with a small group of other children and we fart in class all the time.

Now I'm in public school for high school and no one is farting. I was very sheltered and public school is like a whole new world for me, so I don't know what the norms are. I've been holding it in but my stomach hurts and it leaks out anyway.

I don't understand how there are so many more people in high school and yet zero farts...

118 comments

Go to the bathroom between passing periods and let one out.
Improve your diet, don’t drink carbonated drinks.
I can’t believe I’m having this interaction on Lemmy
- Figure out if you are lactose intolerant and don't have any milk or dairy products before going to school or during the day ..... have the cheese at the end of the school day.
  Exercise and walk lots .... not intensive just keep moving. The digestive system works better when the body is moving ... the muscle movement especially your abdomen literally pumps and drives the digestive system.
  The longer and more often you sit still, the more likely all that content will just sit and take longer to pass. The longer it sits, the more likely you'll build up gas, more gas, more farting.
  
  Or, figure out if you are lactose intolerant. And if you are? Fill yourself up with dairy and be a true menace.
  Just don't shit yourself. Otherwise, you're just the weird guy who shits himself.
- "I CaNt BeLiEVe i'M HaVinG....." Jesus Christ, stop being so stilted.
  
  What an asshole.

yeah, you dont know how to act in public. youll pick it up fast.
no farting.
- So everyone's able to hold it in? Where do they fart?
  
  Either they hold it in, they fart silently, they go to the toilet, they do it where there's not a lot of ppl and try to hide it, etc.
  
  You discreetly carpet bomb the hallway between classes like a gentleman. If the smell catches up, then look around non chalantly to pretend your looking to see who farted.
  
  Depending on the chair and how you position your butt cheeks, you can sometimes sneak out a fart silently.
  
  Between classes, masking it with other noises, lifting a leg to prevent any telltale sound.
  There's lots of strategies. You delay as much as you can but when you got to vent you got a vent and take the humiliation
  
  Like other people said in this thread, check your diet. Make sure to eat plenty of fiber, and reduce gas-inducing food you eat. People who constipated usually fart a lot more. Also, if you have to fart, don't do it in a room full of people. Do it outside or in the bathroom.
  
  Try letting it out quietly then move away from the area.
  
  Fuck that. I'm not holding it.
  
  You pick up tricks. Mainly farting while walking. If you get your foot placement and pivot properly you can send it out without much "pushing". I don't tend to try and push my farts, as I am old and I don't trust them all.
  You might be over thinking it. Everyone farts, but it's seen as more acceptable to fart away from other people's noses. You don't really wanna smell someone else's gas, do you?
  
  Learn to do it silently.
  Excuse yourself and go into a different room to let it out.
  Just wait until class is over and do it in the hallway, also silently.
  
  Normal people hold their farts, consolidating them as the day goes on so they can release a large one in front of their husband/wife at the dinner table and discuss the days eatings.
  Y'know, like normal people.

This is satire, right? I want to believe homeschooled kids are not as bad as they are often pictured
- Having seen how some evangelical adults act (and eat) after being homeschooled, you could tell me this whole thread was 100% true and I'd believe it. I'm not saying it is, but combine social awkwardness with the hot garbage food fundie women post on Instagram, it's feasible. Or, on the flipside, some of the more granola homeschool families I've seen would also be believable in this.
- It’s a troll post. Nothing more.
- Homeschool survivor here. It's that bad.
- Homeschooled kids are bad because they fart?
  
  it's a common argument against homeschooling that kids who have no exposure to peers in a school setting end up with poor social skills. unless this post is satire, which I am like 99% sure it must be, this seems to be a case of that
  edit: I'm in no way saying it's the strongest or the most important argument against homeschooling

Lemmy is officially Reddit’s little brother now.
- How is babby formded
  
  Am I preganate?
  
  People said fuck spez over and over again and it becum pregenate
  
  U put penos into vegene
- Reddits little demon hellspawn
- All that's missing is a poop knife post (or was there one?)

It's a myriad of issues.
Farts are not considered to be socially acceptable, and thus one loses "social status" if one farts. So at an early age, you learn to hold it in. This has been going on since antiquity, as it is the source of the oldest humor seen via graffiti.
You can get in trouble if you fart (I guess because of #1). I knew of a few times someone farted, and the teacher sent them out for punishment for "disrupting class."
People learn to fart silently, usually through experimentation and training to avoid item #1.
- People learn to fart silently, usually through experimentation and training to avoid item #1.
  And then the blame game starts, like a game of hot potato of social standing.
  
  "He who smelt it dealt it, and I am no blacksmith good sir"
  
  “He who smelt it, dealt it”
- But #3 would still smell bad and I haven't smelled anyone farting.
  
  A question no one has asked yet: how often are you farting and how smelly are we talking? Because there may be a diet change worth considering if you're putting around like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
  
  Their strategy here! Fart into a deep cushion seat, which diffuses the smell over a longer period of time. Fart into a fan to maximize chaos and minimize accountability
  
  Yes but it’s much more difficult to determine the source of said fart so unless someone figures out who done it the social statuses remain unaffected

If you need to fart very often, you may need to change your diet. Look up food that causes gas and try to watch your body after you eat it to find out what makes you fart and what's ok.

Everyone does, they're just quiet about it.

You just need some practice farting quietly.
- The sound is much less important than the smell.
  
  if no one can hear you fart, no one knows who is responsible
  
  "You smelled it you dealt it" kept everyone quite when I was in school so long as there is plausible deniability for the source.

Your homeschool diet has a lot to do with it.
- What do you think a homeschool diet is like? I'm imagining high in veggies, low meat, maybe organic... Maybe lots of beans.

Somewhat unrelated, but I do find it funny that farts aren't considered acceptable, but sneezes and coughs are. Like, farts have an extra barrier in the form of your clothing (assuming you're not at a nudist colony or bathhouse) and won't make other people sick. I guess it's just because they're stinky.
I vote to normalize farting with an "excuse me", and saying "bless you" to people when they fart.
- It's much easier to suppress farting than the involuntary reflexes of coughing and sneezing.
  
  Except while sneezing and coughing.
- It's evolutionary. Farts smell like shits. People and animal avoid shits (or anything emitting H2S) because it's wired in their brain to do so.
- I know, right! Sneezes even spread diseases and stuff, yet farts get a bad reputation

I was homeschooled until highschool as well. The best I can tell you is to do bathroom runs occasionally and fart it up in the bathroom. If it becomes a serious social concern then I would look into taking a couple beano pills with your breakfast.
Good luck, and godspeed 🫡 your first while in public school is gonna be hard and weird while you learn how to be normal, but all things (including gas) pass with time.
Pro tip that I didn't learn until uncomfortably late: if a dude has a cool haircut, even if you really wanna feel his hair, do NOT ask to touch his hair unless he does that freshly shaved head thing where he asks people to feel how fuzzy it is. Trust me. Comparing your hair textures and feels is fine among siblings but classmates consider it to be deeply weird.

Honestly, if you can't hold your farts until you go to the bathroom without it hurting, you might need to get on a medication or something. It's extremely rude to do that around other people. What would you do on an airplane?
- My relative was a stewardess, and she said the ups and downs of many flights a day (domestic, multiple small flights) combined with airline food would give them all gas.
  They had a maneuver they called “crop dusting “ whereby they would release their gases during nonchalant walks up and down the aisle.
  This helped disperse the fumes rather than leaving them concentrated.
  
  You call it disperse the fumes, I call it maximising the victims.
  
  Due to the lower air pressure inside of an airplane when af cruising altittude (comparable to the pressure at around 2500m of altitude, iirc) the gasses in the bowels expand, causing more discomfort. That’s why everyone gets more gassy in a plane, although I can imagine that airplane food and fucked up circadian rythms contribute as well.
  Love the term crop dusting btw.
- Fart.
- I'd turn the little vent on above my head and let her rip.
  300 people and two to three lavatories which are only allowed to use during certain parts of the flight.
  I'd be more than happy to use the bathroom if the bathroom was available.

It sounds like you need a change of diet ...

Let er rip. Be the hero of the oppressed. Freedom for farts or no freedom at all. Ass Gas or Pass playboi. If she don’t love your gas she don’t love you at all. Huff it or beat it honey. Beans is lyfe

If holding in a fart makes your stomach hurt then you need to shit. It eventually hurts to hold your piss and shit in, but then we use the washroom instead of filling our pants. Same thing, imo.
Have a shit, stop farting all over the place.
- Lol what? You can still need to fart but not be able to take a shit. Even so much that it hurts.
  
  Thanks for the tip, I had no idea you should let OP know.
- Have a shit, stop farting all over the place.
  An idiom for life.

Homeschool kids are so weird LoL.

Avert your eyes children. He may take on other forms!

I think they are still farting. I occasionally fart at school. I don't go around advertising it though. It's completely possible to fart without anymore knowing it was you, if you use your body and especially your buttcheeks right. It's a relatively easy skill to master.
- if you use your body and especially your buttcheeks right.
  this caught me off guard LMAO

Here, some educational reading
“FART PROUDLY: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School”
https://www.drjkoch.org/Misc/Franklin.pdf
Modern, easy to read format: https://teachingamericanhistory.org/document/to-the-royal-academy-of-farting/

The key is to unevenly shift your weight (lift one side and slowly allow it out), if you are level with the seat it usually creates an airlock or whatever which will amplify the force and volume created the moment theres a pressure leak/change.
Also, before you go, lie down on your stomach and try to get yourself so your lower half is elevated the highest and relax while the gas floats to the top 😁 Better out than in before school because then your day will be ruined from stomach pain
There were many days I had to find an empty classroom or office to plank in to clear the air, err, my stomach
- You kinda have to get a butt cheek to stick onto the chair while the other is in the air as to just let air out without it going ptptptptptpt
  Edit: emergency use only lol. The smell gets fingers pointed to chubby kids :( I know from experience!
- Or if you are in elementary school or early middle school then you work to amplify the sound.

People used to when I was at school 15 years ago.

Unless done with perfect comedic timing farts are not considered to be socially acceptable. It's been a while since I was in school but I seem to recall I would usually just excuse myself to the bathroom or try to do it when no one was around. If nothing else I would just try to let it out silently and hope no one noticed.

Need more beans.

Reading these comments.... I'd like to add to the discussion, that farting being 'unacceptable' is not a cultural universal, globally, and it's amusing to me how strongly some people think it is.

op is doing the lemmy no-farting challenge

It maybe related to you BEANS consumption

People in this thread: "You can't fart in the real world, why would you in school?"
You are in school. Nothing you do socially matters. Me and the boys used to torque them stank rippers right out as loud as we could. Stink up the whole class and have a riot. Who cares? You'll never see these bozos again. Enjoy being able to fart and laugh about it while you can.
- Things you do in school don’t socially matter? That is quite the opposite of my experience lol
  
  It is truly amazing how little high school drama will matter to you once you’ve graduated.
  It’s also amazing how easy it is for some adults to judge/dismiss people who are going through one of the most difficult periods of their life. It’s like some adults forget that they were ever teenagers. I can understand adults wanting to block it out, but being a dick about it is a touch much.
  
  On a long enough timeline nothing socially matters because we’re all gonna die anyway.
- I still see plenty of people I went to school with, and I'm 45 and live across the country. Maybe you don't see anyone from school because they all remember you as the kid who stinks?
- Turns out, it’s about the farts we made along the way

may i recommend to you the Cough of Obfuscation^TM. Strategically timed coughs can cover all manner of untimely and inconvenient noises produced by the body. It's also useful it public toilet stalls.

People are farting. They just know how to do it without making noise most of the time.

Holding your farts is one of those things that goes from impossible to trivially easy with practice.
Like walking, speaking, playing a Bach fugue on the piano, doing a backflip, or memorizing your ten digit phone number, it’s one of those things that doesn’t even seem possible when you first try.
So yeah. The social norm in public school and in basically the rest of the civilized world is to hold your farts until you can release them in a bathroom, or outside. If you release them outside don’t do it immediately before coming in because it takes time for the smell to dissipate.

118 comments