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Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world over_clox @lemmy.world 1y ago

Humans Against Shitting

Start the new year off right and leave this bad habit behind you, it's disgusting!

69 comments

I shit every day and can't stop. I can't control myself and my desire to shit is so strong, I find myself putting it before my family, friends, job, I'll even wake up in the middle of the night with the need to shit sometimes. This addiction impacts my life every day. If I don't shit, I start to think about it and worry.
- I've got the solution!
  
  Not eating!
  
  Never eat a single thing again and you'll never have to be burdened with having to shit ever again!
  
  It's free, easy and you'll look great as well!
  
  Until the day you die!
- Bro you just gotta hold your poop in
But when will I use Lemmy then?
- Are you unemployed?
  
  I prefer the term freelance CEO
  
  I work in the food industry. Only time I'm on Lemmy at work is breaks/bathroom
If I had three wishes, one of them would be to never need to use the bathroom again.
- Wish granted. You now have catheter and colostomy bags.
  
  STOP BEING THE TRICKY KIND OF GENIE PEOPLE!
- Even if that would mean that we keep growing in size, fattening up completely with all we ever consume?
  
  Well no, obviously I would stay the way I am.
- Everybody jokes but one day there's going to be a Cyberpunk|40kMechanicus|DeusEx market part for purchase, and the world will be further divided by those that need access to sewage and those that do not.
  
  If I could buy an implant that compressed my shit into diamonds, I would be so happy.
- Were you aware that even the butthole itself is an optional accessory that can be removed?
  
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbvLk_R4kPU
  
  Can't make this shit up 😂🤣
Slogan should be "put a cork in it."
- Tampons work surprisingly well.
  
  How many do I need to eat for it to work?
We went from 3 days to infinity?
- *until you die. Which I assume is not too much longer than 3 days.
  
  Yeah but this is for all humans, so forever. (I guess you could say they would all die though.)
Shitting is so wasteful. People dont know that you just have to hold it in for a while, so your body can fully utilize it.

Source: I am voice actor for GTA 6.
- Oh my god it's dickvamblerAU. Can you say "boop" for me?
Reading this shitting
I'll be sending TP! Thoughts & Prayers 🙏
Im doing it right now, cope and seethe amirite
This really is happening in current events
- What the fuck how is lemmy leaking into reality…?
- No shit?!
Well how do you feel about shtanding, then?
- Shay, doesh anyone know when Sean Connery will be showing up to Wimbledon?
  
  Anyone? No?
  
  Tennish. 🥸
wait until they learn about eating. fucking revolting.
I imagine myself completely exploding after about a week of not shitting. It's still gonna make a shitty mess everywhere.
You all are so weird. I love it.
We need VaPOOrise
Pro tip - Simply eat a light meal of shirataki noodles, around 200 Cal. With any luck you can form your very own bezoar and rid yourself of this addiction for the rest of your life.
Some Lemmy advocacy does feel like this
Like that old Kids In The Hall sketch.

"WE WILL NOT BE TYRANNIZED BY OUR BLADDERS!"
There's support groups for that.
ALL HAIL DIARRHEA!
I may be accidentally joining this ... um... movement

because I've been procrastinating squeezing out a loaf I've had in the chamber for a couple hours
- Not much a movement then. Hopefully you got that loaf out by now.
  
  OP proposed a movement.
  
  And I need a bowel movement.
  
  update 12 hours later I finally got it out! Yeah that was an uncomfortable 14 hours.
Yeah I'm a HAS-been supporter and I'm PROUD
I prefer Humans Against Masturbating And Shitting
It's not the shitting which annoys me, it's the wiping. It's frustrating and such a time waste
- You will find a bidet to be your personal saviour.
- Wait, you wipe? I thought 2024 was supposed to bring in anal dry cleaning...
  
  Born to shit, forced to wipe
gotta do as much disgusting shit as possible for the creepy watchers. this is what they get.
I always leave it behind me. That tends to happen when your digestive system ends with your backside.
these "stop doing X" memes represent a low point for meme culture. extremely, painfully unfunny and yet ever-present

69 comments