Not such a conspiracy theory now

What the fuck FDA

Haven't they killed an alarming amount if animals trying to get this thing to work?
- Yes. Many of the chimps in the animal trials died horribly excruciating deaths, and Neuralink tried to bury the studies.
- Yup, they sure have.
  
  Obvious content warning: grisly monkey brain chip death. What a bizarre sentence to actually make sense..
Money makes getting regulatory bodies to approve stuff scarily easy

What. I still rember the article about the Monkeys Musk butchered with his Microchips! This was terrifying and disgusting and now he is allowed to do this to humans?! WTF.

Regulatory capture at work. If you're the second-richest man in the world and a darling of the far right to boot, they'll let you do pretty much whatever you want.
- Wow. This fucked³.
And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything.
Grab them by the brain. You can do anything.
- Lmao, that one got me.
One word "money"

All I’m seeing is ads streamed directly to the brain with no way but one to stop it, assuming that instinct doesn’t get neurologically suppressed.

Why put an ad while they can directly manipulate your hormones/enzymes?
- You’re just gonna give them ideas like that?!
  
  Ah fuck. You didn’t tell them anything they didn’t already consider. Fuck, I’m slow.
"Neuralink Premium halves the number of ads in your dreams for only $8 a month!"
- Dreams? "Unskippable ad in 30 seconds. Recommend you pull over."
Futurama Season 1: Episode 6. Fry gets ads in dreams.

Futurama Splash Screen with: "Any Resemblance to Actual Future is Purely Coincidental" written as gag.
You don't have to worry about that, It's an Elon Musk owned product, he already solved that with TwiXer. He just has to make sure that Nazi's can send their propoganda to your brain, and then advertisers will stay very far away from the neuro link.
That seems like a rosy scenario compared to Meet the Robinsons.
Neuralink aims to help people with paralysis communicate by allowing them to remotely control devices using brain activity. In the future, Neuralink may help enhance user memory and cognitive abilities, restore a user's motor, sensory and visual functions as well as treat neurological disorders.

It’s for paralyzed people and neuralink isn’t the only company researching the technology. I swear, where the fuck do you people get your information from, and how do you just never bother to google it to see for yourselves?
- No, Neuralink is for stupid Elmo fanboys to waste money and health on and allow Elmo to continue executing his fascist anti-human agenda. And yes, other companies actually try to make devices that will help people. It's not about the technology, it's about that motherfucking shit-golem and the way he treats people (hint: like expandable cheap renewable resources). But if you like that fuck so much, I hope you'll be one of the people leaving Earth and following him to Mars. I actually can't wait that day to happen. We used to joke how great it would be to put all fascist into a space rocker and launch them into space, and it will soon not only become reality, but the stupid fucks will go willingly. Perfect!

Get ready for mental health DLC patches or micro transactions.

Subscription services*
- "Your subscription to arm control has expired. Please wiggle your eyebrows in a lewdly suggestive manner to pay subscription fee plus $69 lateness surcharge and a $420 because we can addendum"
- And if you don't pay, the Repo Men will come after you..

Unskippable ads directly to your brainhole

Holes in the brain are something intelligent people generally try to avoid.
- True, which is one of the many reasons why intelligent people will generally try to avoid having The Monkey Killer installed in their brains.
death penalty for taking any recreational drug that interferes with your mandatory discord feed
- Yes, but only the lucky ones win death in a raffle (1 in a 1000). The rest are shipped to mines. And their memories are not wiped clean, because the suffering is the integral part of such economy.

It's no longer a conspiracy theory. It's a conspiracy fact.

conspiracy theories are just real life spoilers
- not in all cases
- Some, not all

Interesting, isn't it, that Elon hasn't even suggested he would be getting a Neuralink chip in his brain...

He will probably want to use it, once it was tested on expendable poor people.
- He's not going to want to deal with the crap he puts in them. "Just $5 a month to maintain control of your motor functions!"
Maybe he'll send one to Mars
He literally has.

You could have a Neuralink device implanted right now and you wouldn't even know. I mean, hypothetically ... In fact, in one of these demos, I will.

The difference is that it's consensual, you libtard.

Now try not to think about those monkeys we're testing the product on and whether it was consensual for them.

^/s ^if ^it ^wasn't ^obvious

Just because you have someone's consent, doesn't make whatever you do to them legal.

For example, you can sign a contract to allow me to bludgeon you to death, but it's still murder regardless of your consent.

Frankly, Elon has killed enough animals in this endeavor that it's unconscionable to allow him to test it on people. It's only going to end poorly.
- you can sign a contract to allow me to bludgeon you to death, but it's still murder regardless of your consent
  
  I agree this is the current law. But I certainly don't agree with this law. Do you?
  
  I feel people should absolutely be allowed to consent to death, or potential death. And I mean, we already can in various other contexts like skiing in avalanche terrain, ordering too many big macs, or medically assisted suicide to prevent suffering from incurable conditions (at least in a few civilized places).
You are free to get the chip or not.

But if you refuse the chip then you might lose your job, or your ability to shop.

It will be the new cellphone.
- The first one might suck but can be solved by either working under the table or with underhanded tactics, not super easy but doable.
  
  For the second one, it's much easier, !shoplifting@slrpnk.net can help you.
That’s just how science works.

The good far outweighs the evil.
- All the moles agree, birds should have their wings cut off and replaced with shovels. For better digging. It's scientifically obvious.

When the conspiracy theory said Gates was doing it, it was the end of days.

Now that musk is doing it, it'll be sliced bread 2.0.

Nah. These people balk at me wanting an rfid emu chip in my hand.
- I will one up you. I'd like to see something that shows body temperature, 02 saturation, and heart rate. Needs to be about the size of a grain of race and implanted in us right after birth. DING, your child has a fever. DING, your child is suffocating in their sleep.
It will be the new vax. Anybody who doesn't get it will be guilty of antisocial behavior and endangering the health of their fellow citizens.

In fact if you got the vax then it's only logical that you get the chip too.
- I want you to think long and hard between the differences between not getting protection against a deadly, highly transmissible disease and not getting an iPhone implanted in your skull.
  
  I'll give you a hint. Only one of them actually endangers lives.

Ahh, you can trust the guy who single-hand-idly drove twitter into the ground and pushed a shit sheet metal meme car. He doesn’t know anything about anything, but you can trust him with brain surgery.

Really though, anyone that thinks this is a good idea and signs up for testing probably deserves the lobotomy they’re going to end up with.

I mean, he knows loads about manipulating people and being rich. Does he bring value to society?

No.
Nobody deserves this, not even Musk fan boys.
- There is at least one fanboi in this thread that totally deserves it. Getting the implant should be required in order to allowed buy a Cybertruck. Dead drivers of apocalyptical death-cars are way less dangerous than the alive ones.

Man, I don't know what right wingers y'all are talking about.

I come from a super right wing family and all them MFs think this is a bad idea too (though to be fair, they're def on the conspiracy theory "everything is to get a microchip in my blood/brain" side of things).

Well someone is gargling elons cock, and it's not lefties. So you figure out the math and that's who they're talking about.
- "centrists"
- I suppose my instinctive reaction isn't to assume someone's politics would determine how they react to Musk.
  
  My first real assumption would be that tech/engineering types are the only ones who'd really think about him at all (in both directions). Like, I do have an uncle who occasionally brings him up whenever theirs news on SpaceX's rockets (though usually this gets brought up in the context of "new technology sucks" and "what was wrong with the rockets that carried up Voyager" and such).
  
  So yeah, I really don't think I'd describe anyone as "gargling Elon's cock" except those who still have good will for Tesla.
I come from a super-right wing family too (but from Europe) and they really are in love Elon because it's like "a dog being out of control" in the billionaire group, the one who is brave enough to go against the rules, defying the "cancel culture" and the unidirectional thinking imposed by political correctness.
- I just vomited a bit in my mouth
- That's interesting to hear. I wouldn't have expected Europeans would have thought about ol' Elon that much.
- Ah, yes. Because Elon is clearly the only billionaire who is a conservative.
Honestly I haven't heard any of my right wing coworkers etc... talk about this particular company, but I have heard a lot of elon worship from them. IE I hear a lot of them talk about how he's gone so pro free speach with twitter. (and they tend to ignore me when I point out that he's censoring every bit as much as the old twitter, he's just nicer to the nazis and less nice to the left.
- Ugh, yeah, that is a point of frustration I have with the family.
  
  For them, it's not so much "look what Musk is doing" so much as "look at how much better Twitter's gotten", which is particularly ripe cause none of them even use the platform. As I think on it, that probably means the big Fox talking heads are saying things like that.
  
  I never got into Twitter myself (just never really understood / took to the format), which is kind of a shame cause I'd really like to be supporting Mastodon in this years surgance of the Fediverse.
every vocal right winger i hear hates this idea
- But do they hate the guy? As much as Bill Gates?
  
  It's like when Trump shat on veterans and the rightwingers didn't care.
- So I guess Faux News is no longer vocally right wing? 🙄

There's no way the FDA approved that shit.

There is no way i’m putting that shit in my brain even if FDA approves it.
- You're being awfully combative. If this behavior continues, the court will mandate installation of a calming chip in your brain.
- Just wait. It becomes the latest and greatest in communications, then corporate America starts requiring it for employment.
- Remember that if you ever somehow become paralyzed. When they tell you they’ve luckily only recently developed a cure, make sure you tell them no thanks when you find out how it was created.
Yeah it's a meme that people are emotionally reacting to.

Honestly you need to cross reference 2-3 sources before forming an opinion on any "news" these days
- Always check Twitter, Fox News, and ask ChatGPT. Am I doing this right?

Finally cyberpunk begins. We need more neon lights, but thanks to LEDs I am looking positively towards our future.

I remember reading an article just a few weeks ago about a company that made a combination prosthetic/implant for blind people to be able to see in the...early 2000s, I think? It was an early technology, low-rez, but somewhat miraculous for some.

And then the company went out of business.

As the implants began to wear out, or the software developed bugs, or the patients' needs changed, things fell apart. They lost their vision and nobody could help them because the hardware and software were proprietary.

Now Elon Musk—with his reputation for quality control and following through with ideas and open source—wants to put things in our brains. Backed by the full faith and credit of Elon Musk.

One day he's going to push down an update that makes everybody with a Neuralink stop and say "hehe butts" in a funny voice, and the tech bros will say "lol great meme Elon" even though a dozen of them got hit by a car because they were forced to stop while they walked across the street, and thirty of them lost their jobs because they said "hehe butts" to their managers, and one of them was a soldier who said "hehe butts" in an active warzone and blew the whole squad's cover.

I can't believe anyone is honestly entertaining this.

Deus Ex, here we come!

Probably already been hacked. We just haven't heard about it yet.

No need to hack when the fatality rate in primates is already so high.

BECAUSE👏EVERY👏ACCUSATION👏IS👏A👏CONFESSION👏

In other news Musk opens pizzeria in Washington DC

Called Meteor Table Tennis. This one WILL have a basement 😬

Nothing against experimenting with this chip in Musk's brain. It's always good to start with something simple.

mm cool can't wait to have brain surgery every 2 years when new version comes out

That's why you do the FOSS version, it's designed to be easily upgradable and customizable to all your needs, and even on old hardware will still accept updates.

I wonder if they’ll explain the risk of deadly diarrhea

Or if they asked why "accessibility" is one of the top 3 stated priorities for something that's supposed to control part of your brain 😬
- Is that true?! 🤣
- I don’t think that word means what you think it means.
- Probably because it’s literally being made to help disabled people have more accessibility to the real world and you’re just here pulling shit out of your ass because of your blind emotional reaction to the word “Musk”.

what does the chip do?

It fries the brains of monkeys and likely humans too.
- Which part of the article claimed it fried a monkey brain? I read the whole thing and got “came loose” and “caused internal bleeding” once, but nothing about it frying a brain.
It's basically a cellphone in your head. So convenient.
It’s being explored by multiple companies because of its amazing medical potential.

Basically, it will help paralyzed people of varying levels of paralysis learn to be mobile and interact with people again, basically giving people who have lost all hope their lives back.

Paralyzed man able to walk again thanks to brain implant

How a brain implant gave a woman her voice back

People just tend to get knee-jerk reactive when they associate anything with that Musk guy.
- Part of the reason people have criticized Musk's in particular is because of the high rate of fatalities in the trials on monkeys. I've seen scientists commenting that it should've been pulled after the first death, considering how stringent the requirements for animal testing are, but all those issues and requirements have largely been hand-waved away.
- And people are getting knee-jerk reactive to anything Musk for absolutely no reason, right? He's 100% mentally stable and none of the products his companies are selling are dangerous and morally questionable. Got it! /s It's not about implants being bad, it's about implants made by a company controlled by a constantly drugged sociopath. Here is a story a nice story about people getting their eye implants switched off, because the company who made them went out of business: https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-60416058 https://spectrum.ieee.org/bionic-eye-obsolete
  
  I'm sure you are aware that brain implants can't be replaced every year like your iPhone. You can't just keep yanking the electrodes out and put new ones, because it's a friggin' brain surgery...
- Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  
  Paralyzed man able to walk again thanks to brain implant
  
  How a brain implant gave a woman her voice back
  
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

I welcome these regressive assholes getting a chip in their brain that has been shown to fry the brains of monkeys if they want it. Maybe we should even be campaigning for it in the South.

Ah of course. The old: "if we do it to people we dislike, it isn't a crime" angle. Mixed in with generalizations like "people from the South".

Kindness matters, especially when it seems like there's nothing to be gained from it.
- Next time I'll add the /j
- Based
why do you hate science?
I guarantee you that if you ever become a quadriplegic you’d be begging for this technology to help you live again.

All of you people realize this is a medical technology, right? It’s not just to help you post on Twitter faster. This thing helps people communicate and move again.
- Medical for lobotomies right now, I suppose.
- If it was a dull medical company people wouldn't be itching to downvote you so quickly. Elon is bad for any PR these days. but even without his chip medical science places are doing electrical implants to stimulate "deadzones" in the brain. Seems helpful for certain things like parkinsons and schitzophrenia

All conspiracies come true if you spread them and wait long enough... Eventually some crazy rich guy will have heard it and make it real. 😅

Humans are weird. 😅

Reality seems to again be more like Aldous Huxley than George Orwell. We will pay to get these things in our heads eventually.

Settle down with this "we" shit. I couldn't wait for a cybernetic brain link when I was a kid. After seeing how corporations handled the Internet, I will never get one. IDC if I live to be a 1000 years old and every other person on the planet has one. No thank you.
- Right?
  
  Even after reading Snow Crash, I wanted an RJ-45 port so I could get internet straight to my brain...right up till I had my first IV stuck in me. Realized I didn't like foreign objects in me at all lol

Yk, I'll play devils advocate and say that I see the good in this. People with disabilities will finally be able to do things.

But, governments will definitely love this. And the proprietary technology would definitely be spying on people, no surprise there.

I'm really afraid it could become a mandate to get in the future (gotta learn how to survive in the woods.)

So overall, it has good potential but would definitely be used for harm. I think it's a net negative.

Dream Scenario IRL except it's Musk

This is some really cool tech and I'm happy the trials are starting. It's a shame having it attached to Elon is ruining the perception of it, I'm hoping other companies get in the game soon.

Your nuts... Monkeys have gone crazy from it and you want it in your brain? We can't even effectively secure a computer without it getting hacked. And you want the only thing that makes you you hackable ?

To each their own but no way I get something put in my head. Forget hacking what if it malfunctions.. I've seen enough Tesla cars crashing
- Don't get me wrong, I'm not volunteering but eventually it will be safe.
  
  Theres definitely barriers to overcome but to go with your analogy, I drive a car everyday on the highway even though a malfunction or even just an other user being stupid can easily lead to my death. That's just to get to work or see friends. I could imagine myself braving worse to get to use full dive vr.
  
  But you couldn't pay me to get into one of those death traps when cars were first invented though. I'm eager but I will definitely wait a while before jumping in.
It could help disabled people move... Other than that, I'm unsure about it's purposes...
- It can eventually help disabled people move, see, hear and talk.
  
  For everyday people, this will replace phones and computers completely. We will be able to project a private screen on any surface, even mid air. We will be thinking the words instead of saying them during phonecalls.
  
  Movies and games are going to be so immersive it's probably going to cause some serious societal issues. Larping is going to become big I'm guessing.
  
  That's just the surface stuff that's easy to think of. It gets even nuttier if you think about recording and downloading dreams and memories, some of the really sci Fi stuff. The possibilities are literally endless. Obviously though, there's a way to go, it's still in its infancy.
- And that’s not enough for you?!??!?!

I cant tell if you are so stupid to think conspiracists are ok with neurolink or if you are just pretending to "own the right".

Oh, so it's all about consent? Huh.

The Bill Gates microchip is consensual, too. Nobody is talking about forcing people to get microchips. It’s just that people shit a brick when Gates is involved, but not Musk.
- I'm pretty sure it's the hair extensions.
- i agree with your point, but its worth considering that it may become mandatory or practically mandatory in the future. not to slipperlyslope here, but think about how hard it is becoming to be a member of society without a mobile phone, credit card, google account, etc. sure its possible, but it creates a massive incentive to just sacrifice your principles for convinience, when everyone else doesnt see the big deal
Your trial period for consent has been exceeded. Please pay your monthly brain subscribtion to continue...

Note: By cancelling your trial, we reserve the right to harvest your viable organs.