1y ago

Mike Johnson: God Chose Me To Be America's "Moses" - Joe.My.God.

www.joemygod.com

“I’ll tell you a secret, since media is not here. Thank you for not allowing the media in. Look, I’m a Southern Baptist, I don’t wanna get too spooky on you, But, you know, the Lord speaks to your heart.
“The Lord began to wake me up, through this three-week process, in the middle of night to speak to me. The Lord impressed upon my heart a few weeks before this happened that something was going to occur.
“And the Lord very specifically told me in my prayers to prepare, but to wait. At the time, I assumed the Lord was going to choose a new Moses and thank you, Lord, you’re going to allow me to be Aaron to Moses.
“I had this sense that we were going to come to a Red Sea moment in our Republican conference and in the county at large. God had been speaking to me about this, and the Lord told me very clearly to prepare and be ready.
“Ultimately 13 people ran for the post. And the Lord kept telling me to, ‘Wait, wait, wait.’ So I waited, I waited. And then at the end the Lord said, ‘Now step forward.’
“Me? I’m supposed to be Aaron. ‘No,’ the Lord said, ‘Step forward.’” – Mike Johnson, speaking last night to the far-right National Association of Christian Lawmakers.

This man is a true believer. True believers do not compromise anything that goes against what they believe their religion tells them. This man is far more dangerous than Donald Trump, who is simply a grifter and was in it for himself. This guy thinks the gods have ordained him. Anybody who stands against him is going against God, in his own mind.

205 comments

"When you talk to god, that's prayer. When god talks to you that's schizophrenia."
- I just watched this episode of House
- Was literally thinking can we get a psyche eval on this guy
  
  If there wasn't one done on Trump then what hope is there?
- It can also be bipolar with hallucinations and a number of other things but I get your point.

In a more rational time, he’d be diagnosed with delusional psychosis and locked in a mental asylum. Today, he speaker of the House of Representatives.
- He's definitely a delusional psycho, but it turns out that isn't a dealbreaker for today's Republican party.
  
  It seems more and more like a requirement.

LITERAL blasphemy. Like actual, textbook blasphemy. And his sycophants lap it up.
- Yep. Christcucks regularly blaspheme without even realizing it since their knowledge of the religion is only surface level.
  
  If Jesus happens to be real, the Christians are the least likely group to make it into Heaven.
  If they actually read the Bible they would be shocked to find that Jesus was a tree hugging hippie socialist.
  
  I think saying they have a surface level understanding is giving them way too much credit.

These people literally listen to the voice in their brain, the one we all have, and tell themselves it's god.
I grew up as a southern Baptist. I suffered physical, sexual and emotional abuse the entire time I was there as a child. Getting out was like escaping a cult. Southern Baptists are abusive, extremist psychos.
- I question your use of the word "like" there. It absolutely was escaping a cult, and I'm glad you made it out.
- Sounds like it was a cult. I escaped from the Mormon Church once upon a time and for a long time I didn't really see that church as a cult until I examined it using Steven Hassan's BITE model. I also started relating to a lot of experiences from former cult members like this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldTMLhTMZAc

That dude is terrifying
- He is, i hope his son is ok.
  
  I promise you his son is not ok. Nobody in an extremist religion comes out ok. Assuming he ever wakes up and escapes, that is.
  He's been made responsible for his father's porn use. That is just one example we know of. Fundamentalist Christianity is damaging in a lot of ways without having to keep your own dad from watching porn.
  
  Oh yeah, of course he has procreated. His son will probably end up being a monster too
  
  He's not. He got crucified.
  Oh wait, you mean Mike Johnson's son.

“Sometimes when I want to do something, I get really quiet, and in the stillness, I hear that voice inside of me that always says ‘Do whatever you want. It’s always justified.’”
- In the 5th year of his reign, Pharaoh Amenhotep IV had an epiphany— the sun god, Aten, had chosen him as his personal vessel on earth, and he, of course, changed the state religion to Atenism, and devoted his life (and drove everybody crazy) talking about the goddamned Aten all the time. (The Aten, I hope is really clear, obviously doesn’t exist, since this is like 2500 years ago and it’s not like the sun god is exacting his revenge on our planet by cooking it.)
  Anyway, that asshole was erased from history because he was a legendary pain in the ass, but at least he’d grown up in a world where everyone, from the day he was born, told him he was a special prince destined to rule the world.
  Where Mike fucking Johnson gets off with that level of delusion, I cannot say.

Hate to break it You ya bud, but god didn't choose you. A bunch of corrupt cronies picked you to be their leader and scapegoat in an attempt to turn America into a theocratic dictatorship.
- Their 14th choice…
  
  That nobody really liked but couldn't find enough reason to say no.
- And now they're all retiring lol...
  It's very possible Republicans lose their majority they attrition, I think they're already down to 1 maybe 2?
  There's no way in (completely imaginary) hell that this dude will be able to get literally every Republican in the House to agree to anything.
  
  It certainly seems the tide is beginning to shift away from their insanity, but it's still an uphill battle. There do seem to be at least a couple sensible conservatives that balk at the extreme rhetoric, but it's hard to pin sometimes. Hopefully dems maintain the white house in 24, and then maybe we'll see things start to move in a more sane direction on the conservative end. I'm not a huge fan of Biden by any means, but whatever it takes to keep Trump out of there.

It's interesting that these people God talks to like this are only ever told they've been chosen. I never hear someone saying, "Well, God spoke to me last night. It turns out I should just chill the fuck out and mind my own business."
- Two can play at that. God spoke to me last night and said Mike Johnson is a delusional twat. They broke up long ago and he needs to move on.
  
  OT Yahweh was petty and vindictive as fuck.
  And I can tell you first hand, he makes for a terrible ex
- Sometimes that does happen, but only if the person didn't really want to do whatever it was.
- It does happen, but they don't talk about it in public. They talk about it at church and shit, though.

Take the religious pretext away from this statement and you have textbook mental illness. Dude is on stage in front of all of our elected representatives saying he's listening to the voices inside his head and they are guiding his actions.
- Even with the religious context it’s crazy talk.

The man is mentally ill.

Yes Mr. Johnson, it's called the inner monolog, and we all have it. Yours doesn't make you special because it says so.
Or it might if you don't recognize it as yours and it starts telling you delusional things, such as being a prophet.
- Reminds me of the South Park episode The Douche.
  Paraphrased but basically, yes we all hear voices in our head but its just our inner monologue you douche.
  What if I really believe I hear voices?
  Then you're a stupid douche.
- I'm pretty sure that the latter possibility would be a symptom of a mental disorder of some kind.
  By the way, apparently not everyone has an inner monologue.
  This is a sort of dumb article based on a reddit thread on the topic where people discuss their experiences
  https://www.iflscience.com/people-with-no-internal-monologue-explain-what-its-like-in-their-head-57739
  This is an article from an actually respectable source
  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intersections/202304/inner-monologues-what-are-they-and-whos-having-them
  
  When I was younger I had no inner monologue. I thought in concepts is about the best way I can describe it. It was way, way more efficient as a thought process.
  I miss that sometimes.
- Not to diminish your point as I totally agree with what you're saying, but interestingly enough, not everybody does have that inner monologue. It is estimated that anywhere between 30% - 50% of the population has the ability to have conversations with themselves inside their head, the other 50% - 70% of the population can not. As someone with an inner monologue, I can't even begin to comprehend how that works.
  
  I've never been able to keep up the habit, but I've tried silencing my inner monologue. It's not necessary, I already know what the full thought is going to be before I even start "vocalizing it" inside my head. Thought would be faster without taking the time to encode it in a spoken language. But I suspect it's also sloppier. That conversion to spoken language gives your brain more time to consider the thought.
  Think of the times you've said something or started saying something and then realized right after or part way through that it is a candidate for the dumbest thing you've ever said. I don't know about everyone else, but I catch myself thinking thoughts like that, too. I wonder if those who don't have an inner monologue are more likely to just move on without noticing.
  I wonder if that's a fundamental difference that plays a role in how differently some people see and interact with the world.
  
  You know, I wonder what my deaf uncle's equivalent to an inner monologue is. I would imagine it's different having never heard speech before (he was born deaf).
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bicameral_mentality

Random question: How come God always agrees with these loons in whatever kooky-ass shit they pray to Him about? Why does he never respond, "Lol, no, that's dumb."?
- Because their religion only serves to validate their shitty ideas that they already had.
- Because the people who think God told them "naw fam" usually don't follow through with their insane ideas.
  
  The ol selection bias, good call

Let’s crucify him and he can truly be a symbol for The Lord
- But what happens when he just rots instead of getting his holy zombie on‽
  
  Oh well, you win some you lose some... Whatever
  
  We celebrate
- Mike Johnson wants to die for my sins!
  
  So close.
  Mike Johnson wants you to die for his sins!
  
  Honestly, this whack job would probably see it as an honor. Win win for all parties.

Why can't others do this without being ostracized?
Why don't we all just... "I think we should invade Afghanistan because that's what Link would do -- I mean Saddam is basically Ganondorf!"
We should all be able to have the childlike privilege of using cartoon characters as rhetorical devices in adult conversations.
- Yeah! That's what Commander Keen would do!
  
  It's about time we invade some Vorticons
- Commander Shepard wouldn't put up with these disingenuous assertions!
  
  I hear the Greens/Libertarians/Constitution party is his favorite party in America.
- Zeus would probably fuck a swan or something, so that's what I'm gonna do!
- I'm only listen to holy Trinity:
  Finn, Jake and BMO

Cool how about you and all your followers go wander around in the desert for 40 years.

“I had this sense that we were going to come to a Red Sea moment in our Republican conference and in the county at large. God had been speaking to me about this, and the Lord told me very clearly to prepare and be ready.
When God parted the Red Sea, he allowed Moses and the Isrealites to cross, and he subsequently folded over the waters and killed everyone else present. This man believes this is an apt metaphor for what is about to happen in America.
The religious aspect is utter bullshit, of course. I'd like to think the on-the-ground reality won't match up with his fantasy either. Sure hope everyone watching this jackass is taking notes.

Barry fucking Goldwater knew these kinds of people were trying to take over his party, and he for sure wasn't a Democrat.
"Frankly these people frighten me. Politics demands compromise. These people believe they're acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I've tried dealing with them.".

This is why my personal opinion about religion is the same as my opinion about paranoid schizophrenia, the only difference being that religion is a trained behaviour. Fuck all parents who willingly expose children to brainwashing.
- Those who believe tend to fight harder for a lie.

jesus...
I'm so sorry americans
- Any other western country he'd be laughed out of existence. I know for a fact no british politician would live this down.

The arrogance of this dude.

You can never trust a zealot.
Especially one from a nigh-suicidal death-cult that's hell-bent on speeding up their version of apocalypse...
- I disagree. You can ALWAYS trust a zealot. You just won't like the things you can always trust them to do...
  
  And the worst part is they don't know when to quit, they just come back twice as mean and thrice as crazy.
- Nah. He's been 100% clear as to what he's about from day one.
  "When people tell you who they really are believe them"

I’ll tell you a secret, since media is not here.
As reported by the media.

Fuckin YIKES he's like a villain from an A24 movie. The Main Character Syndrome vibes are spiking through the roof

What exactly does he mean by being Moses and America's "red sea moment?" Are the liberals, FBI, and the people prosecuting Trump the Egyptians? So, Johnson has been chosen to lead Republicans to safety, and kill the liberals, FBI, and prosecutors?
- Pretty much. Conservatives nowadays see themselves as perpetual victims. They are being oppressed by the liberals because society doesn't bend to every conservative whim. They are being victimized because people other than straight, white, Christian men have a say in society's functioning.
  Johnson is stretching this imagined victimization into "we're essentially slaves to the liberals who are just like the Egyptians in the Bible!"
  It's idiotic and 100% wrong, but it sounds good to some on the right who whine that they don't run everything anymore.
  
  "The Communists want a dictatorship and want to change your life, ruin your families, and turn all the kids gay! Forcing people is bad! That's why we need to install Trump as God-Leader forever, lock up teachers, force kids to be straight, and ~~indoctrinate~~ educate our Christian Nation the Right way! They're not the same they're Fascistactic Ideas™!"
  MAGA morons: "hurdur Democrats dictators, we need a Republican dictator!"
  
  Worse, the Egyptians paid the pyramid builders. They weren't slaves, they were highly paid artisans.
  Christians can't even get basic history accurate.
  Also, no, Noah wasn't real and he didn't put every animal on earth on a wooden boat.
- Trump, Mike Johnson and their followers will walk down to the Rio Grande, separate the waters, cross, and establish their own Israel-like state in Mexico, thus fulfilling the prophecy that Irony is officially dead, and satirical publications around the world will collapse into a singularity under the weight of reality, engulfing the earth as a first plague to be released. The second plague will be a yogurt.

This moron is terrifying.

Knew a church teacher who said "the gays aren't here so I can tell you something they won't like, they aren't going to heaven" (said in front of my gay but religious ex boyfriend xD)
Always assume your comments in a group are made with at least one person you're othering.
- Oh man let me let you in on a secret since there aren’t any idiots around… no one is going to heaven because it’s as real as Mike Johnson’s sanity.
  
  If there is a hell, I'm consoled to know I'll share it with Johnson and all other Republicans. Knowing there's divine punishment for being as awful as them is almost worth the whole thing being true.
- My brother who is a pastor said flat to my face I was going to hell, but he loved me regardless.
- "The gays" were well aware that's how he thought, considering his type screamed it from the rooftops every chance they got.

I grew up in a southern Baptist home and it amazes me how this script is always used to justify a change. Almost verbatim, all my life I’ve heard this same script. God spoke in a prayer. God said big plans. God said wait and prepare. God said go.
- Dude, it's their go to for anything.
- And have you noticed how whatever God told them is almost always for their own personal benefit? It's almost never to give away or sell everything they own and distribute it to the poor.
  It's almost like they are thinking these things up all on their own, lol.
  
  Exactly
- If it works, don't change the playbook.

Nothing bad has ever happened under a leader who thinks he was appointed by a god. /s

Does this guy not get that this type of extreme fundamentalism is a turn off to most Americans? I mean, I would never vote republican in a thousand years but this has got to be pushing some of the more sane fence sitters away, right?
- Anyone who still votes Republican either agrees with him or isn't bothered by it.
- He does, which is why he said it to a crowd of true believers where he thought the media wouldn't notice.
- Most Americans don't pay attention. They can't fathom that people like this are real because it seems so outlandish and foreign to their way of life.
  
  or they're simply pumped full of Fox brand fear of anything slightly different and prefer this guys brand of crazy
- It might be a turn off for the majority, but it will give the people who vote for him, and other Republicans, hard ons.
  He's not speaking to us. He is speaking to them.
- No, he totally knows it's a turn-off, but uses that as fuel for his extremism, as proof that he's on the right path. He remembers that Chick Tract with that one panel, "They hated Jesus because He spoke the Truth." Like, that's how all zealots are. David Koresh straight up told his followers that law enforcement arriving at the compound in Waco was a sign that he was right. Can you imagine if the Waco standoff never happened? He'd be a Republican Senator.

When you style yourself a modern-day Moses - but in reality you're more like one of the possessed pigs Jesus drowned in the sea.

God Chose Me To Be America's "Moses"
I choose him to be under a butterfly net.

I sometimes hear a voice telling my heart that I'll become Iron Man, but to wait. So, I'm waiting.
- I just hear "kill yourself" over and over, then I realize I'm the one saying it.

Christian here. That's not how it works. America is not God's chosen nation, and you are not God's chosen leader. You are a little man with delusions of grandeur, trying to use your meager understanding of religion to pull the wool over the eyes of other Christians.
I'm not fooled. And there are a lot more like me who aren't fooled, either.
- The sad part is how many are fooled. By this guy or even by Trump. And sad how many feel the US is chosen. Not surprising. Some people eschew facts entirely and rely solely on faith. They tend to be able to be easily convinced of all sorts of hogwash.
  I'm honestly not sure if Johnson is a grifter or zealous to the point of delusion. The former sucks and is scary. The latter is absolutely terrifying.
  
  Yep. And it's not a historical faith, it's a faith invented about 50 years ago by James Dobson and a bunch of Republicans who wanted to gain power for themselves. "Christian conservatism" is a cult, but led by some of the least charismatic people imaginable.
- oh yes, i see now....
  ... YOU are part of the elect few who TRULY understand. of course!
  
  Not at all. I just actually read the bible Johnson claims to read. Also helps to understand the disgusting history of evangelicalism.
  
  It isn't rocket science. I'm agnostic but it's incredibly clear that the teachings of Jesus are antithetical to Republicans. Jesus would be a through and through Democrat who wishes for a proper socialist party.

Why would god choose a wicked man?
- You're talking about celestial Hitler who sends anyone to be tortured forever who doesn't follow his rules to the letter. Of course he likes Mike Johnson.
  
  celestial Hitler lol
  
  Stupid ai and it's content warnings. Had to go with a vengeful celestial charlie chaplin and edit the moustache down a little.
- Same reason he chose Trump, I guess.

god didn't choose you and republicans only did after everyone else bombed out you delusional monster

Fuck this imbecile.
This moron probably believes in Santa in addition to sky daddy. Complete waste of skin.

Maybe the voices will have him set fire to George W. Bush and then have a long walk into the Red Sea.

He's going to part the red sea of republicans?
- I want him to take his people and wander the desert for 40 years.
  
  I want to get into his dreams all Inception-like and convince him that Greenland is the new Israel.

"When fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression." - H. L. Mencken

So he says god spoke to him...
Can we throw him into an insane asylum now? We actually let someone as insane as him in public office? Dude is off his fucking rocker.
- Go watch A Handmaids Tail, it can get so much worse.
  Or, look at life in Iran.

cmon america you can do better
- I don't know, we have a lot of really fucking stupid people here.
  
  If you don't believe that last comment, watch the documentary on 50% of Americans, Squidbillies. It's so factually on point they had to turn it into a cartoon about squids to keep hateful Americans from blocking it

No, Johnson! You get Jesus. You don't get to take Moses also! We Jews had him first. Go talk about how god told you to be like Jesus instead.
Then again, if you really want to be like Moses, gather the conservatives together and go wander in the desert for 40 years so that the rest of us can run this country without your interference. (Yes, the Moses allegory fell apart at the end, but conservatives in America aren't like Israelite slaves in ancient Egypt.)

Well that's literally blasphemy so we can rest easy knowing that he's going to hell.
- No, blasphemy would be saying he's the Messiah. He's saying he's God's prophet, or servant. Totally "normal" for Christian conservatives.
- I wish I believed in Hell.

I'd hate for this to be true. Anyone have a better source? I only looked for one in the article for like 3 seconds and didn't see one, but maybe it's there.
Or is "JoeMyGod" a legit news site I've never heard of lol
- https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/mike-johnson-moses-christian-nationalist-gala-1234918565/
  
  Hey thanks
- Never heard of the site but searching Johnson and Moses gives lots of hits on real news sites.
  Good on you for being skeptical tho, an awful lot of random news ("news") sites have been popping up lately, likely driven by AI image and text generation.
- https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2023/12/mike-johnson-christian-nationalist-lawmakers-moses.html
  According to the Slate article the organizer of the event posted his speech on his FB page.

I wonder what he means by this. You know he's never read a bible in his life. What does he think Moses represents to the average American?
- He absolutely has read his Bible. He has said the Bible is his worldview. He believes that his interpretation of the Bible is the only correct interpretation and he will never compromise on that, because he is a "true believer".
  Moses spoke directly to God and told everyone else what God had said...and Johnson seems to follow that pattern exactly. He thinks God raised him up to "part the sea" between the Biblical Republic sect from the more middle of the road Republicans and of course from the sinful Democrats. He truly wants to use his beliefs to reform our society; he is a religious zealot.
  That has made him much more dangerous to the US than Trump.
- Honestly, if anyone in congress has read the bible, it is Mike Johnson. The lessons that he took from it are abhorrent, but he's not faking his Christian beliefs like most Republican politicians. He truly believes what he's saying and that's why he's so scary.

Pretty sure Moses wasn't the one in charge of Egypt in Exodus.
Maybe he should stop reading his weekly report about his son's masturbation habits and open a Bible.
- I mean, if Mike leads all the MAGAnauts into exile in the desert, would that be such a bad thing? Nearest desert to escape the US is probably south...I'll volunteer to make road signs.
  
  40 years of peace...
  But they could just wind up in Utah, Arizona, etc. I am not sure that's the outcome we're looking for.

I wonder if the stuff he obviously smoked is legal anywhere...
- Maybe it's just a carbon monoxide leak in his house that makes him hear and see ghosts ...
  
  Such a leak would need a brain to be affected. Which does not seem to be a thing with him...
- Never attribute to drugs that which be simply explained by stupidity.

Crazy religious people seem to often think that any intuition or sudden insight they have is God speaking to them. I think it's one of the big reasons they seem to always think God wants them to do exactly what they already wanted anyway.
- "so God spoke to me and said 'Woah slow your roll and stop being such a dick and also no you are not my chosen one, dummy'" —no religious person ever
- Well, sometimes not, like with the self-hating gay ones.

This is delusional ...

Great, we have an untreated schizophrenic 2nd in line to the Presidency.
- This dude would 100% set off the nukes to get closer to his god on day one.

Wow. That is so over the top and makes him so full of himself.
- He says it for all politicians
  He said Biden was anointed by God

Since US doesn’t have the Red Sea, I vote he walks into the Salton Sea to see if it parts for him
- I'd rather he walked into a Chrysler 300C on the highway; I bet it would be red afterwards.

There's a very fine line between devotion and straight up mental illness. I don't want anyone who is hearing voices in a position of power over me, I want them in treatment.

Mike Johnson is Mike Pence's unpolished, unrestricted Id.

Well, which "god" did this? Also, in a secular country, what this guy says his supposed "god" did doesn't matter (probably the Abrahamic god Jehovah/Allah/Yahweh that all these provincial xtian fucksticks always just call upper-case God as if their god was the only one ever in the mythologies of mankind). Not in the slightest. He can fuck right off with that kind of nonsense.

205 comments