1y ago

Online dating

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Sounds like my son. He hates sharing his music no matter what it is. Same with videos. It's so stupid. Just tell me and move on why is the 21 pilots song you're listening to need to be top secret.
- This is not a comment on you, but I do the same thing and have come to realize it's at least in part a response to being judged in some way (or feeling judged at least) over things I shared with my family, so now I just don't share.
  If it's important to you, it might be worth having a conversation about why they are withholding and, if it's for similar reasons, addressing why they feel that way and assuring them you'll do your best to keep them from feeling bad about sharing.
  
  I keep trying and always assure him just interested in his life and never will judge him for his taste in stuff. I mean we enjoy shows and movies together and we play games together. But YouTube videos and music he won't share.
- Music and entertainment tastes in general tend to be quite personal, so it's probably a bit of insecurity. He'll get over it, just explain that it's not a test, you're just chatting. Maybe share some of yours first or something
  
  Oh I told him that and I do share mine but they hate it. Imagine being so old they think Thrid Eye Blind, Match Box Twenty, and Goo Goo Dolls is old music.
  Haven't even got to classic rock like AC/DC, Aerosmith etc. I don't know what to do.
  
  What you need to do? Strip him of his inheritance until he broadens his music taste.
  
  A calm, measured response
  
  People who downvoted this comment can't take a joke apparently. As a parent I wouldn't do this irl, but I laughed.
  
  Why do you want to do anything at all? How about respecting his boundaries? That would be good start.
  
  It's not a bad thing to try to bring your kid's boundaries further out. It can be socially good for them to be more open. Then they won't end up like the guy in the meme
  
  That's just wrong. If you try to push your kids limits without teaching them respecting boundaries and talking to other people respectfully, things like the guy in this picture will happen.
  It's okay to have boundaries and we have to teach kids to communicate them in a respectful, firm and friendly manner.
  
  It is not just wrong. Being respectful of boundaries and trying to push someone's boundaries aren't mutually exclusive. Every person has their boundaries in different places, and if you're not willing to compromise on the small stuff you're going to be the 'fun brake', the guy who causes the innocent fun to slow down to talk about how much you don't want to do it.
  Don't get me wrong, there are absolutely boundaries that need to be respected. But there's a difference between something you feel awkward about and something that's against your principles. Pushing your boundaries to eat a meal that you don't like but is otherwise safe isn't the same as pushing your boundaries to get drunk/high.
  Another thing is that for the most part, when people try to persuade you to share something slightly personal like music, it's not because they're dicks who are trying to make fun of you. Chances are they're trying to include you in their group, trying to bring you into the collective, trying to become closer friends. They're looking for something to bond with you over. Discussing occupation, education, and personal interests are probably the most basic way to do that.
  
  While I agree with a lot of things you said I disagree with pushing boundaries.
  People that are really interested in him will find a different topic to bond, it's not like music is the only thing on earth.
  Also it's okay to be the fun break, it's a chance to get feedback about that and realize you need to find a different social circle that fits better to your own life. Or figure you push your boundaries yourself if you really want to belong.
  But nobody has to fit in everywhere and if his boundary is his taste in music then who are we to question that?
  
  I agree with this. For some reason I am pretty personal about what I'm listening to as well. Mostly if I know the person asking me won't/doesn't like it I just don't care for them to comment that they don't like it or think it's weird what I'm listening to. Idk
  
  Some people (myself included) tie the music they like to a part of their soul, and exposing that to someone who may treat it with complete disregard feels very vulnerable
  
  So because you developed a parasocial relationship with the music you listen to you can't tell someone the name of the song they hear you playing? Because that's what we're talking about here.
  
  I get it, that's not uncommon. I'm always honest and say metal, but if I'm feelin a little crabby I'll just leave it to whatever they think metal is.
  "Metal, like HURRRRR?"
  "Yep."
  If they seem interested or cool about it I'll elaborate, maybe give some examples. And I know that metal doesn't have to be the HURRRRRRR stuff but that's exactly what I like :D
  
  My favorite band is one that I tend not to tell people about because it's too much trouble explaining what they are.
  It's Sigur Ros, and anyone who knows them knows the struggle.
  But it's definitely not some basic 21 Pilots that everyone knows.
  
  Sigur Ros is very popular
  
  Yeah. Imagine thinking Sigurd Ros is obscure music. If all you listen to us radio maybe. But if you're at all interested in music you will have heard of them.
  
  They didn't even fill the Cobb theater in ATL the last time they came.
  They're certainly not very popular. I don't know anyone in real life who knows them who weren't introduced by me.
  
  Yeah I guess they aren't as big in the US, that's fair. But they are very popular within their genre and in Europe
  
  I thought Sigur Ros was pretty well known. Well, in Iceland at least.
- It's really weird to me. As a teen I loved telling the world what I was listening because it was obviously the best thing on earth, man.
- Cuz kids don't like having their parents asking questions about their life... how is that even surprising to you? It's ok to ask but if they aren't forthcoming you can't just say it's stupid. That's how you get a kid to start doing things secretly.
  
  Sigh I wished my parents took an active roll in my life. Guess I projecting. Was just trying be a better parent than mine.
- If he don't want to tell you then don't ask. It can be really annoying.
  
  Yes, having someone who can't answer simple basic questions that won't affect them is really annoying.

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