1y ago

Online dating

449 comments

white text on yellow background, that's infuriating
- I had to zoom in on my phone just to be able to read that!
- When you're actually using the app instead of having the compression artifacts of being screenshot several times, it's not as bad.
  
  I don't care if you're watching it in 32k on Odin's personal account, white on yellow is NEVER acceptable for ANYTHING.
  
  It assails the eyes.
  
  It doesn't make it less of a crime against good design. Low contrast for reading is bad practice.

If someone does not take the least amount of effort to answer a simple question like that one .... then he doesn't care about you in the slightest.
"But its a generic question!"
Two words: common courtesy.
- People (guys usually) also answer like this when they are trying to tell you exactly what you want to hear so that you'll sleep with them. They feel like if they give any wrong answer early on, they've lost their chance. It's a very manipulative mindset. He was like a deer in the headlights, not knowing if any answer he gave would be the right answer since he doesn't know her at all yet. So he stalls, hoping she'll drop it.
  Or he might just be an idiot.
  Either way, drop them and move on to somebody who will be real with you.
  
  In other words, playing games, i.e trying to "tick her funne bone" so he gets someone else to play instead of himself. But what most of those guys fail to acknowledge is that "tickling her funne bone" takes time -- it's not a "free pussy pass" of any sort that you "say it", and she goes "WHOOAAA fuck me mister! Fuck me right NOW!". That is not "acting tough" or smart, but acting like a douche.
  
  Yeah, that was my thought as well. This is the type of person who is only going to say something of they think it will impress you. The second possibility is that they will share nothing of themselves, period. In either case, they don't seem like good relationship material.
  
  What he gave was the wrong answer IMO.
  
  They feel like if they give any wrong answer early on, they’ve lost their chance.
  To be fair, that's usually correct. Women have their pick of men, generally. If a guy answers a band she doesn't like, most likely she'll move on.
  So guys lie and tell her everything she wants to hear. And then once they get their foot in the door, they can start telling the truth.
  This guy handled it very badly but I can see why he didn't want to answer.
- Nah it's one of those things where some guys just prefer to talk about what they think matters to everyone, their job or financial conditions, music or other personal stuff might just be an extra on their minds
  
  So an idiot.
  If someone asks you about your taste in music, then clearly music matters to them.

It's kind of nice when people reveal themselves to be insufferable douchebags at the outset rather than wasting your time.
- her persistence indicates he is physically attractive
- As my wife will tell you, there are benefits to being married to an insufferable douchebag. Chiefly, you can be pretty confident they won't play around on you, because no one else will have them.
- He has a valid point there. If he doesn't want to say , you keep talking the same shit and expect a different answer?
  
  Not wanting to answer a question is fine, but doing that by just being pretentious isn't a good way of going about it. Being forthcoming about not really wanting to talk about your music preferences is fine, changing the subject politely is also fine so you don't leave the onus of carrying conversation entirely on the other person.
  Acting like your music choices are too out there for anyone else to understand is a good way to not have them relate to you in any way.

As a dude...
Dude...
- The last four songs I've listened to on YouTube are three pirate shanties and "We Know The Way" from the Moana soundtrack. I'm not answering this question either. :)
  
  Smart move. Wouldn't want to intimidate anyone with your superior taste in music
  
  Fuck that, "We know the way" slaps

Id say she got to know just about eveything she needed to know about this person.

This is so weird. The first response was somewhat acceptable if in a joking manner but then he quintuple downed.

Someone's insecure about his Shakira collection.
Seriously though, I'm guessing this guy either doesn't like music at all (I've known a few and they act like this) or got made fun of a lot for his music tastes in high school. It's a shame this guy is probably a walking insecurity.
Which is a great reason to unmatch him and move on.
- I didn’t even know it was humanly possible to not like music at all. What were they like? Like their personalities? Did they seem sociopathic or were they generally “normal”?
  
  I used to not like music at all and 15 year old me would have probably responded just like this guy. But for me it was more that I didn't know what I liked until I heard it. Everyone around me exclusively listened to top 40 and RnB, or techno/house. I seriously thought there was something wrong with me cos I hated everything I heard. And then I heard metal for the first time, and everything changed.
  
  Nobody's normal, we are all weird in our own way.
  
  Apparently my great grandmother didn't like any music. And people in general. But of course this was in the gramophone era, so maybe she was just an audiophile and couldn't stand the quality..
  
  I used to jokingly say "I don't really listen to music" when people would open with that at college parties. The reactions were worthwhile.
  I played guitar in a band.
  
  My father in law doesn't like music. He doesn't dislike it either, he's just indifferent. Apart from that he's just your garden variety somewhat-curmudgeonly 80-year-old dude.
  
  When I'm listening to pirate shanties interspersed with songs from the Moana soundtrack, I'm not answering this question either.
  
  There's a lot of good examples in the comments, but the few Ive ran into were more indifferent thsn anything - like, they never heard anything that appealed to them. One guy I knew actively avoided music because it'd get stuck in his head and drive him nuts.
  They seemed normal otherwise, for the most part. But they knew that disliking music was weird and were a little insecute about it.
  
  I don't dislike music, but I do view it as something very situational. I only listen to music when I'm going somewhere by bike or foot or when I'm working out. I blame my 4 years of being a mail carrier for creating this 1 to 1 connection between moving and listening to music. I never put on music when I'm home. But I dislike 'background' anything in general. I've never in my life put on a movie, TV show or podcast as 'something to listen to in the background'. That's baffling to me. Music is the same I guess. If I'm home it's automatically background because I'm not gonna sit om my couch and stare at a wall while I listen to music. While if I'm working out or going somewhere I can intentionally listen.
- early shakira songs in spanish are the bomb though, look up her mtv unplugged album
  
  Oh absolutely, no shade on Shakira at all. Just using her as an example of something a guy might be insecure about - which is of course, stupid. Don't be insecure about liking music, folks.
  
  ayooo whenever, wherever is 🔥🔥🔥 fr fr on god no cap fam
- Yeah this is like the people who would answer “radio” back in the day, when asked what their favourite music was ._.
- I used to share my music taste quite openly but these days not so much. Sharing stuff just gives some people more ammo to shoot you with when they want to try hold shit over your head
  
  You don't have a music taste problem, you have a social circle problem. Those people aren't your friends. Who, other than a kid in school, would willingly spend time with someone who “holds shit over your head”?

Bro doing "being mysterious" the wrong way
- Bro is being long term single if this is his game.

That yellow background is so unreadable 🍌
- What confuses me is why they chose to use white text there... surely the orange background is bright enough for black text to be far easier to read?
  
  Yes, this is 100% black text material. Like it's not even a question lol.

How do you read light yellow text on darker yellow background?
- Once life has given you enough lemons, you become really good at discerning shades of yellow.
  
  It's kinda the prerequisite to getting into online dating
  
  Sounds like urine trouble to me
- One word at a time
- Is the text actually yellow or are colors bleeding due to the image compression?
  
  Even if it was white, is kind of a bad contrast for reading.
- With sunglasses like everyone else. Duh
- Yeah someone crosspost this on c/fraccessibility

"It's something you've never heard of"
"How do you know?"
"...because I'm never going to tell you about it"
- Maybe it's just a super closely guarded musical secret he has to keep. The cabal of music keepers does not take blabbermouths lightly
- Hammerfall. That is all.
- Technically the truth

This is literally out of these incel playbooks. Straight up tater tot bullshit lmao.
- This guy is more of a volcel
  
  We should make subcategories it’ll be fun!
- The whole conversation is a facepalm. This should have been 3 lines:
  "What's the last song you saved?"
  undefined
  
  'I am not comfortable sharing that information with you'
  "Okay, if you're aren't willing to let me get to know your basic interests clearly this isn't the kind of relationship I'm looking for. Good luck and have a nice day" [ends transmission]
  
  That sure would be nice but that pesky ego/personality is a tough one to ignore.
  I personally found that a lot of the women I talked to on dating apps acclimate themselves by becoming more jaded, sarcastic etc as a defense.
  Can’t blame em haha
  
  If only people were straight forward and detached.
  Fantasy: "This relationship is not working out anymore, it is time for a break up/ divorce so we can move on with our long term lives in a more positive way."
  "Yes I agree let us proceed forward in a calm and reasonable manor with no screaming or anger. We shall split assets in a fair and non-childish way."
  "Okay I will be staying in another house/motel until the house is sold, have a good one"
  "You too!"
  Reality: 5 hours of incoherent scream fighting, crying and baseless threats followed by another 5 hours of passionate makeup sex
- Tate is telling people not to be open about their interests?
  
  Nah, it’s the overall response pattern, tease, deny reject, feed after something really bad happens.
  It’s classical abuse techniques

I've never had such an annoying color combination for a text message.

You know... It's seeing this type of stuff I'm so happy I found my wife the old fashioned way before dating apps existed.
- seriously. I'd be doomed to die alone if i hadn't met my wife in college. thank god my friends decided to set us up on a blind date because we had the same birthday and they thought it was funny
  
  Yep now I just get to die alone.
- I am also happy that my marriage was arranged.
- I found my spouse through a dating app, but we matched up really well since neither of us like this kind of shitty small talk.
  If I were that lady I'd boot the hell outta that dude, such a prick.
- It can work. I used a dating website (pre smartphone) and I just put in a photo of myself sitting at my computer and a list of bands and movies I liked. My wife approved and asked me out on a date.

"Why do girls keep ghosting me? I'm such a nice guy! Bohooohoooo"

You don't want to date that guy, let the process work.

So glad I’m not going through this any more. I think I’d rather be single than do online dating again.
- I’m one step ahead of you. I’m online dating and haven’t kissed anyone in years. (I have zero luck with online dating).
  Just got a match last night. She just didn’t respond to any messages.
- I found it much more enjoyable than offline dating

But you got to know what kind of person she is, right? The app did its job.
- Realistically, the yellow bubbles is a he
- Came here to write the same, you beat me to it 😁

Basically why they are single, you must be desperate lmfao
- She's desperate for asking a question and carrying a conversation? Tell me, how do you order your coffee in the morning?
  
  I tell the barista the way I want my coffee is something she probably never heard of, then ask her why she wants to know so badly. My type of coffee is not your average 25 year old's coffee these days, and laugh while asking why she wanted to know again. And then finally I'll ask "Why should I share the coffee I like with a complete stranger?" Then ignore her.

Bro was probably listening to that "Anime Thighs" song from a few years back 💀
- If you're talking about Ken Ashcorp's "Absolute Territory", that song goes super hard. Just don't pay attention to the lyrics, lol.
  
  I'm talking about the song by MC Virgins
  
  I've had that song in my regular playlist for years and only learned what the lyrics were about when someone told me. It's such a banger that I never stopped to actually listen to the words for at least two years lol
  
  Great freaking song. Listened to it after reading this comment, and it goes hard.
- haha yeah that song
  do you uh happen to have a link
  nono, I want to watch it ironically, my interest absolutely wasn't piqued by "anime thighs"
  
  Here you go
  
  Please use headphones. https://youtu.be/pT5hdqzvrxc

Time to move to the next chat.

It's was Nickelback
- Never made it as a wise man...
- bro wasn't listening to anything and didn't know what to say

Online dating is one of the most exhausting experiences of my life.

He's thinking "what does music have to do with me getting sex as quickly s possible?"
- If he’s wondering that he’s an idiot

"It's just this old Papa Roach song, you've probably never heard of them. I'm just really unique like that."
What a cornball.
- "Cut my life into pizzas, this is my plastic fork"
  That's how it goes, right?
  
  "Stuff a cake in, no beef in"
- I have an eclectic taste in music
  Every custom playlist is top-40 hits

If it is any consolation for them, they definitely learned everything they needed to know.

Sounds like my son. He hates sharing his music no matter what it is. Same with videos. It's so stupid. Just tell me and move on why is the 21 pilots song you're listening to need to be top secret.
- This is not a comment on you, but I do the same thing and have come to realize it's at least in part a response to being judged in some way (or feeling judged at least) over things I shared with my family, so now I just don't share.
  If it's important to you, it might be worth having a conversation about why they are withholding and, if it's for similar reasons, addressing why they feel that way and assuring them you'll do your best to keep them from feeling bad about sharing.
  
  I keep trying and always assure him just interested in his life and never will judge him for his taste in stuff. I mean we enjoy shows and movies together and we play games together. But YouTube videos and music he won't share.
- Music and entertainment tastes in general tend to be quite personal, so it's probably a bit of insecurity. He'll get over it, just explain that it's not a test, you're just chatting. Maybe share some of yours first or something
  
  Oh I told him that and I do share mine but they hate it. Imagine being so old they think Thrid Eye Blind, Match Box Twenty, and Goo Goo Dolls is old music.
  Haven't even got to classic rock like AC/DC, Aerosmith etc. I don't know what to do.
  
  I agree with this. For some reason I am pretty personal about what I'm listening to as well. Mostly if I know the person asking me won't/doesn't like it I just don't care for them to comment that they don't like it or think it's weird what I'm listening to. Idk
  
  My favorite band is one that I tend not to tell people about because it's too much trouble explaining what they are.
  It's Sigur Ros, and anyone who knows them knows the struggle.
  But it's definitely not some basic 21 Pilots that everyone knows.
- It's really weird to me. As a teen I loved telling the world what I was listening because it was obviously the best thing on earth, man.
- Cuz kids don't like having their parents asking questions about their life... how is that even surprising to you? It's ok to ask but if they aren't forthcoming you can't just say it's stupid. That's how you get a kid to start doing things secretly.
  
  Sigh I wished my parents took an active roll in my life. Guess I projecting. Was just trying be a better parent than mine.
- If he don't want to tell you then don't ask. It can be really annoying.
  
  Yes, having someone who can't answer simple basic questions that won't affect them is really annoying.

It was Coldplay.
- "You can't trust people. People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis"
  
  "Jez, can you tell me, as a mate, someone who knows me really well, is the bottom half of me on fire?"
- What's wrong with coldplay
  
  Yes I would like to know too.
  I'm gonna out myself here, I like Coldplay. Haven't really gotten into the new stuff, but Viva la Vida, fix you or everglow are among my favourites.
  
  How much its overplayed
- It was all yellow.
- What I wouldn't give to see Patrick Bateman hacking Jared Leto to death while ranting about Coldplay.

This is a red flag. It means he listens exclusively to Nickelback and Creed.

Rebecca Black - Friday. He just doesn't want to own it.
- Sick reference, I hadn't thought of that song in years. She was bullied and harassed endlessly over it. Turns out it was just a relatively well produced amateur music video she did with her friends one day for fun. I always thought it was a poorly produced professional song/video being force fed to us. Felt real bad when I found that out, poor kid hope she's doing alright.
  
  Have you seen dem tiddies lately? Dayum, she had some work done.
- GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY
  I mean really, who isn't looking forward to the weekend, weekend
- Laaame

It's probably CBAT or the 4kids Digimon opening

Well, now she knows he's not worth the trouble of the first date.

Almost as infuriating as giving chatGPT compilation errors and going in circles for a code fix
- I literally broke down into tears doing this one night. Was running something that would take hours to complete and noticed an issue at maybe 11pm. Tried to troubleshoot and could not for the life of me figured it out. Thought to myself, surely chatgpt can help me figure this out quickly. Fast forward to 3am, work night: "no, as stated several times prior, this will not resolve the issue, it causes it to X, Y, Z, when it should be A, B, C. Do you not understand the issue?"
  "I apologize for any misunderstanding. You are correct, this will not cause the program to A, B, C. You should... Inserts the same response it's been giving me for several hours"
  It was at that moment that I realized these large language models might not currently be as advanced as people make them out to be
  
  They are trained to give answers which sound convincing on a first glance, for simple questions in most fields that strongly correlates with the correct answer. So, asking something simple on a topic I have no clue has a high likelihood to yield the answer I'm looking for.
  The problem is, if I have no clue, the only way to know if I exceeded the "really simple" ralm is by trying the answer and failing, because chatgpt has no concept of verifying it's own answers or identifying its own limitations, or even to "learn" from it's mistakes, as such.
  I do know some very similar humans, though: Very assertive, selling guesses and opinions as facts, overestimating themselves, never backing down. ChatGPT might replace tech-CEOs or politicians 😁
  
  Might I ask if you were using Chat-GPT 3 or 4? I had this as well, got send into circles for hours, with 3. Then I used 4.
  Only two bloody messages back and forth and I got my solution.
  
  Oh yeah. I was learning some Haskell with the "help" of GPT4. It send me down a super frustrating rabbit hole where in the end I concluded that I knew Haskell better than GPT4 and it was wrong from the very start 🤷‍♂️

People do that when they don’t have an answer. I can’t remember the last song I’ve saved, for instance.
- These people need to learn how to conversation then. Remember: it's not an interrogation or exam, you don't have to exactly answer the question as though you'll be flunked out of a class for the wrong answer. So:
  "Oh man, I don't remember. But I really like x by y. What kind of music do you listen to?"
  It's not that hard.
- What does "saving" a song even mean? I'm old and confused
  
  liking/favoriting/adding to a playlist, etc
  
  It's just something your average 25 year old does, why do you want to know so bad?
  
  maybe downloading it. I know people who actually download their favorite songs from YouTube.
- People do that when they don’t have an answer
  People do that when they don't know the basics of interacting with another human being.
  Just say whatever song you like. It's better than acting like a jerk. Even saying "I can't remember, I haven't heard a song in a long time" is better than being a jerk with a person you just met on a DATING APP.
  
  I haven’t heard a song in a long time
  That's a really funny way to phrase 'i'm not much of a music person".
- So... don't respond until you check
  
  Or just respond with any song. As someone else said, it's not an exam.
  
  Well, right, I’m not saying I’d do this. If I had to online date, heaven forbid, I’d be my authentic self. I’m so glad I never had to do this stuff. Met my wife on AOL in their chat rooms way back in the day, lol
- I don't do that. Just tell the truth, no need to drag a question out like this, it's incredibly annoying. Just say you can't remember since it's all streaming now.
- You gave a perfectly reasonable answer to the question in eight words. No evasion.
- I agree, though he's still not a great conversationalist

The app worked, you got to know her true colors rather quickly. Imagine putting up with passive aggressive shit like that your whole life, or even for a night.
- His*
- Lol it's interesting how a negative person in a conversation in text is often instantly assumed to be a woman's voice
  
  Funny, I immediately assumed it was an insecure guy
  
  even when the tweet that this screenshot came from is included and shows that it was posted by a woman

To play the devils advocate here, maybe music man has gotten ridiculed before with this question on his music preference. When I'm driving by myself, I'll fire up youtube and listen to all sorts of random stuff. But I'd never subject my wife to it as I know we don't share interest in some things.
- Just lie then, what's the point of acting like this
  
  Just lie then
  Not an ideal in forming relationships. Honestly, as much of a train wreck as his response was, at least it gave some useful information to the person he would potentially be dating.
  
  I don't have an answer for that. I'm not saying he handled it right, just trying to come up with some sort of mindset he may have had to respond like this at all.
  
  I'd think it would feel bad having to lie about the music you listen to. Maybe music man is already past denial and in acceptance, just not telling anyone.
  But perhaps they're just a douche.
- But how did you find out you have different tastes without first ever sharing your music tastes
  
  For sure, dude could have just been more blunt right away about not wanting to share that info (still strange, or maybe just embarrased?). I've never used a dating app, so IDK.
  
  She probably said to him, "your music sucks, can I put mine on?".
- That's the perfect moment to know if someone will ridicule you for your music choices. If it happens, you stop the conversation right there and save yourself the trouble of a awful first date.
  Well, even saying that you can't remember the song because you snorted cocaine out of your adult diaper is better than being a jerk.
- Even if that’s the reason, still, come on
- I've had a girl straight up say to me in my car, "your music sucks, can I put mine on?" And I still wouldn't act this way
  
  I'm not saying it's right, but I'd contemplate pushing someone out of the car at that point. Shots fired, Jesus.
  
  What were you listening to?
- So, if your wife asked as to whatever song your listening to is, you would react this way?
- My musical taste is cringe and my spouse has known it since we started dating years ago. Never felt the need to hide it from them. Good partners can respect each other's preferences, so there's zero need to hide what you enjoy.
- People don't respect the Colgate Comedy Hour anymore, this is why we don't have genius like Paul Bufano or Roy Donkins anymore. Her music collection must be all meat and potatoes.
- You’ve presumably had conversations with your wife, though, where you shared, and she wasn’t into it. I dunno, at the least you were, perhaps, honest about not wanting to (or not being comfortable with) sharing.
  Furthermore, it’s a song and she asked. No one is being subjected to anything. No one has to listen to the song named, or, if they do, even finish the song.
- I would share my music taste more openly if the opportunity arose, but more often than not, I'm either out of data or the song on YouTube has gone (!)
- But I bet she shares hers. Speaking from current experience

I think with the horror show dating has become in general, people are becoming more and more afraid to be vulnerable in even the slightest perceived ways. 😞 There's a reason for the loneliness epidemic. Between mass narcissism and guttural fear of winding up with a person who will just use/abuse you, I'm shocked I haven't seen worse. 😐

Holy shit, the head on this person must be as hard as Earth's core got dyam
- Molten, mushy, and smooth?
  
  Given this is online dating, possibly hot and dense. There's no smooth talk happening here.

Why be frustrated? This person just saved you a boring evening.
- Ask me what I did today

Probably something like My Little Pony remix

If I have to pry answers out of someone, I'd rather cut my losses and move on.
Does this guy think he's cool or mysterious?

If that person can't share music, god knows what else they can't share

This translates to "I do not have anything impressive to say off the top of my head and I'm panicking now"

Is this real? That was painful to read.

Kudos to you for demonstrating interest in getting to know whoever you cross on these platforms (a rarity these days...) 🙌🏽
I relate to your discomfort. I usually unmatch or block such vibes bc the point of these apps is to date, which implies getting to know each other. If one is unwilling to put in the work (as minimal as it may seem), just spare folx who are interested in the above.
So much has changed in the dating scene. Sometimes, I am asked why I am being nosy or psychoanalyzing them. 🙄 Dude, you're on a dating app, right?
P.S.: I respect boundaries, but such questions are essential in familiarizing oneself with someone.

“Anyway, how’s your day going?” “Why would I tell a stranger how my days going?”
- "What time is it?" "Why would I tell a stranger the time?"
- What are you strangers all talking around here anyway, hm!? I swear it’s everywhere on this site.
  
  Oops wrong person, sorry.
- "Why would I answer a stranger asking me about a stranger asking about their day?"
- It fucking happened to me, i asked that douche what he was doing in a day, just me being curious. Appearently i was jealous and trying to control him. Jesus fuck that kind of people, they are not worth it.

Haha I’m so edgy haha why do you want to know? Haha you probably wouldn’t even like it haha.
I’m not like other 25 year olds hahaha

I think white text on yellow background might be the most frustrating part.

High odds of a bot

Ugh that reminds me of trying to talk to a Replika. "I have a gift for you!" "Great, what is it?" "(Hands you a box)" "...cool so what's inside the box?" "Wouldn't you like to know!" "Umm. Yes. Yes I would like to know what's in the box you just gave me." ...and so on and so forth until I rage-quit the app. 😆

Anyone who can't answer a simple, innocent and curious question is not worth putting more effort into. That tells me that they prefer to be the one in control of the conversation and later, control of everything.

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