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  • For me it's playing music. I had awesome grades in HS and had a full ride, but I was a way better drummer than pretty much anyone I knew. I played in a bunch of bands, and was invited to join one of the more well-known local bands in my pretty big city. I ended up giving up my scholarship to go try and make it with them. We made a record in a nice studio and went on tour and it was a promising start. By the time I was 20 I had seen most of the US. But even though I loved touring, I hated having to play every night, no matter what I was feeling. Playing original music with my friends always used to make me feel better, but having to do it all the time made it stop having that healing affect on me. Instead of making me feel better it was just another obligation that I had to do, no matter how I was feeling.

    I was devastated when I realized that I had nothing to help me through the hard days. And I had a lot of hard days. As it turns out, I had untreated PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and type 2 bipolarity. Music was very much one of my go to strategies, and without it my symptoms got way worse. So playing music professionally ended up increasing my symptoms and also got rid of my only successful strategy for living with my symptoms.

    We ended up having to take an extended break, during which I went back to school and finished my degree. For the first time since I was 8 I didn't have my drums set up in my house. And for the first time since I was 15, I wasn't playing in a single band. Normally I played in multiple bands, because they only practice once a week, and there are 7 nights!! But now I wasn't playing at all. I had no desire to play. I went out on tour with my friend's band just to travel and help, I didn't play. And that was super fun, but I still had no desire to play

    I lived like that for two miserable years before I slowly started playing again. But it's no longer my career, or even a dream of a career, like it used to be. It's way too important to me for me to ruin it by trying to get rich and live my rockstar dream. And now that I have actual rockstar friends, people who I played with who are in famous bands, I know what the life is like. And it's really not a fantasy. Those MOFOs work hard, and they're on the road for months and months at a time.

    So that's my best skill, but I don't do it for a living. I've been playing in bands consistently my whole life, even as I went back to grad school, and then started my professional career as HS science teacher. But it's been mostly cover bands, which honestly pays way more than I used to make except for our very biggest shows. But it's not worth it and I'm just not willing to do it professionally. The first band I joined when I moved to my current state, we ended up getting a great reputation, and we ended up getting more and more shows. The other guys were doing this for a living, but I was just trying to have fun learning new songs and playing for people. Eventually I got tired and stopped, and swore off playing for money. This had been the ideal set up, playing with a really good friend, and it still got old. So I stopped playing for money. I did continue playing, but I just didn't accept payment, and also felt okay calling in if I just want feeling it that day. I gave up $400 bucks or so on one show when we filled up this one little venue where people paid $20 a head. It was a fundraiser for our little hippie church, so I just donated my portion. But for ten years I wouldn't accept any payment at all.

    But it's hard to say no. The thing is I'm honestly really good. I can play really well in any style, and I'm fucking great with rock and especially fast/heavy rock. So anyone that physically hears me play, if they have a band or even know of someone who has a band, I get asked. I literally went 5 years without playing anywhere at all except for on the band room at the high school where I teach. But then I ended up getting pulled into giving drum lessons by the owner of the music shop where I would buy gear, because he wanted a drum teacher for his own son. And the world needs rock and roll. So I let myself be talked into giving lessons, but only how and when I wanted to. So I took a few students on, and we ended up becoming friends. But then of course one day he needed a drummer to fill in for his regular guy. And shove I give lessons at his place, he knows I have chops. I came to a couple rehearsals, learned their whole set list, and we played a few shows where all I have to do is show up with my throne, my sticks, and my book. I get there and everything is set up for me. I'm a total fucking prima Don, but they want me and I'm just not willing to sacrifice anything at all. It was fun, and they asked me if I'd book some more with them and I said sure, but before I knew it we we're doing 2-3 shows a week during the summers, which is NOT what I wanted to do with my summers off as a teacher! So I told them they could have me for one show and one rehearsal a month, and that's it. I'm still violating my rules, but playing once a month gives it enough time between playing the songs so that they don't hurt my brain anymore. Playing Stevie Wonder 3 times a week sucks. But playing it once a month is tolerable. And I like it when pretty women try to get me to notice them. I'm a single dad and I don't date, but I do like it when pretty women give me those intense stares while they're dancing. I swear watching a dude okay the drums while he makes you grind is definitely a lot of womens' thing. So it's sustainable, and technically I'm still doing it professionally, but really it's more of a hobby that I can get paid to perform and teach. (Teaching pays way more than performing, but I physically can't teach more than three lessons a day so there's no hope in it for me!)

    Meanwhile I finally have my own band again, where we're writing our own songs. I know that the other players want to eventually play these songs, and I know people are going to like it because they always like it, and we're doing something that no one else around here is doing. So we're eventually going to have to play out. But I still have young kids, and I'm just not that into building a name. I'll eventually tour with my old band again, and I'll probably try to take this group on the road and play some big shows here if we ever build up a following with our recorded music (which we're definitely going to release.) But I don't want to play music for a living, and I don't think anyone should do professionally the one thing they really need and they they love more than anything else. If you can deal with it not doing what it used to do, then that's no problem. But if you depend on it for your happiness then you should probably not try to make it your whole life. I know there are people who can do that, but those people mostly either don't have a choice because it's the ONLY thing they can do, or else they have money enough to where they don't have to make money doing it and can still devote as much time as they want to it.

    • Preach. I played piano and guitar growing up (no lessons, just dicked around until it made sense) and had a much lesser but similar experience. I worked long hours at work and did volunteer church stuff as the #2 of stage production while playing bass or guitar or running the sound board and also had a band that had an offer for a record deal (which was a shit deal but I digress). Then, in the middle of all that, while I was struggling for food and money at age 24, my mom suddenly died.

      I stopped going to band practice and my bandmates weren't capable of understanding what I was going through so they fired me and at that point I didn't care. I went through the motions to keep the church stuff together. I didn't touch my guitar or piano at home for nearly a year. Until one day, I just did for whatever reason. And I recorded a little two track cover (1 acoustic, 1 voice) of Green Eyes by Coldplay (because my mom had green eyes). And I spent maybe an hour mixing it in audacity and then threw it up on YouTube, idk why. Maybe as a little "hey, I think I'm gonna be okay after all" sorta update for my friends and family. I kinda got back into it, but as I've gotten busy with having a more successful career and meeting the woman who's now my wife and moving away from the musicians in my life, I've shifted away from it again.

      I've tried to get back into it at least a little bit, but I'm in an apartment and can't feel comfortable making much noise, plus my guitar needs some attention and I just can't muster up the motivation to fix it up myself. I've asked my wife to take it somewhere for the TLC it needs for a Christmas gift, but idk if that's actually gonna happen.

      A guy at work seemed to have really similar music tastes to me so I let slip that I play, and I showed him something I threw together in like 2 hours while under the influence. My dumbass texted him a link of it and he showed like half the people we work with, so now everybody knows I'm not just some amateur who learned Wonderwall at 15. And now I feel that pressure to do something with it. Like I'm letting people down by not taking this skill or talent or gift or whatever you wanna call it and sharing it at every opportunity. And that's a feeling I did not miss. I just wanted a small project to myself so I could feel proud that I wasn't wasting away on the couch, not to feel like a letdown that my ability was wasted on me. It makes me feel disappointed in myself for halting it while also feeling external pressure from people that I know mean to show support by being interested. I'm paralyzed and I hate that I can't just do it and finish the project and feel complete and put it down. There's no closure and I'm terrified that there never will be and it's like I'm awake with anesthesia and I'm totally powerless as I watch my years tick away with no complete music project to show for all the countless hours of honing my craft.

      So yeah, I'm a little fucked up by music too, I guess.

  • Writing, specifically long prose. When there's a story that just has to be told and I feel it in the marrow of my bones I'll write and I'll love it.

    If someone ever handed me a deadline, all joy would be lost. Some things just aren't meant to be a job for me and forcing the issue would only make me depressed and the writing abysmal.

  • There are a few, but teaching is a big one. I've tutored people in various subjects, and they usually tell me how good I am at it and that I'd be a great teacher. I have friends who are teachers, hard pass. Maybe if they made 6 figures, and parents/administration weren't absolute nightmares, but I've heard too much to even briefly consider it.

    • I make 6 figures for 174 days of work every year. I've always had awesome admin until this year, but on the whole I have more fun watching them bloviate with that deer in the headlights look.

      Most parents are awesome as long as you're respectful and give them the final say. Ultimately, it's their kid, so if we don't agree on something even after they understand my reasoning, I'll do what they ask. I'm sure there's SOMETHING I wouldn't cave on, but in 15 years as a science teacher it's never reached that point. But I think if you make it clear from the beginning that they have the final say, it's easier for them to trust you. So many of us think we know their kids better than they do, or that we know what's best for their kid. With that kind of attitude parents are going to push back. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ Who can blame them?

      Lots of people complain about teaching, and in most districts the job sucks. But there are still places where we're valued as professionals. And even in the bad districts, like where I began my career in South Florida, when you close the door it's just you and the kids. If that's your jam then it's fun as hell. I teach physics, intro and AP, and I have an insane amount of fun even though most of my students start out absolutely hating introductory physics (which all 9th graders have to take).

      • I'm glad you've had that experience, but it's completely inconsistent with everything I've heard from my friends. Granted, a fair amount are/were in south Florida. The horror stories I hear about parent tantrums are beyond any reasonable response.

  • Music. I can play close to a dozen instruments with enough skill that I could sit in as a stand in player for a large variety of genres. I do everything in my power to avoid letting people around me know.

    I make music as a way to meditate and relax. I can throw down a synthesizer drone and spend an hour+ noodling on the piano, guitar, cello etc without doing any recording or writing down stuff. I've got probably 100 or so short 4-12 bar ideas saved on my computer. I probably will never do anything with them but I like going back and rediscovering where I was musically/emotionally.

    The dubstep phase was, in a word, terrible.

    • I am in a similar boat. I don't have the chops I used to, but I have taught music and played in a lot of bands over the years. At several points in my life I had experiences that led me to believe that if I made music my job I would end up hating it! Currently I am not "doing anything with it" except for very slowly recording my songs. Home recording is something I have not delved into too much, but I would like to properly record some of my stuff because it means a lot to my friends and family. I would also very much like to be in a band again, but just for the fun of playing in a band. I am not at all interested in brand, image, promotion, or all of the other bullshit that is involved in the "music industry." I do really miss having friends to just jam with and have "musical conversations."

      My wife has something of a natural talent with music, but never really had the chance to explore it when she was younger. She is working really hard at learning guitar, and I really want to support her so she can have a good experience with music.

  • I had been involved with the labour board over a wrongful termination dispute. I made complaints about about an abusive workplace and was shitcanned as a result.

    During the final settlement where the lawyers were fighting over what my settlement payment would be, my lawyer and I had a bit of a discussion revolving around mental health.

    She suggested I should consider a move into mental health services as I was essentially writing off continuing my trade apprenticeship by this point. She noted that I am a good listener and have a very clear understanding of mental health. She even offered to get me in contact with those in the mental health field.

    It's been heavily on my mind to go down that path but a part of me is intimidated. I've been able to help a few close friends who all experienced some heavy mental issues over the past couple years but these are people who I've become close to and am able to help them through a deep understanding of them.

    I tend to get attached to people easily and I'm not sure how I'll be able to separate work thoughts from my own thoughts meant for my own time. What heavy burdens will make it home with me?

    Would I be good at working in such a field? According to my lawyer and those closest to me, I'd be great. But what am I going to do about my own mental health if I follow that path path? I can barely handle children and I'm the biggest kid in my own life. It's already a monumental effort to keep myself fed and not spontaneously running into traffic.

  • Right out of high school I got a job as a mechanic, something I loved doing as a hobby before and got real good at. It’s the customer, it’s like doing family IT work. “You changed my oil 4 months ago and now one of my headlights won’t work”. Between that sending out vehicles that declined a bunch of work. I swear we only held one plumbers van because it was so unsafe.

    I still love working on my own cars. However I’ve refused to touch any family members or friends vehicles. Not worth it.

  • Y’know, I dunno. I have a tendency to want to use what limited skills I have professionally. I’ve been working with tech for so long that I suppose the only real place I see to actively use what I’ve learned is in a professional setting, as I don’t really have need to use said skills in my personal life. At least, not to the same extent.

    Knowing how to partition a hard drive is only so useful. Being able to hand-solder tiny diodes and resistors doesn’t come up much in my day-to-day life.

88 comments