1y ago

anyone else gender queer and trying to do competitive sports?

I need some other trans athletes in competitive sports to talk to. Tldr: afab enby/masc pre transition wanting to compete in male division.

This is going to be a ramble, apologies.

I'm training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and I'm planning on going to my first competition. I'm afab, enby/masc. I can't bring myself to sign up for the women's division, and I've signed up for the men's. I'm not on hormones or anything, and even though the divisions are organized by age weight and experience, it's quite possible that I'm still going to be out matched just based on muscle/body weight ratio. I don't know.

I'm training hard, gaining strength. This is the kind of sport where if you technique is good, you can potentially win regardless of size difference. Heck, it was developed to give smaller people an advantage in a street fight.

I've also only ever trained with cis men, and they've told me I'm formidable. (Though I'm not sure if there's is always an unspoken "for a girl" in that whenever a cis dude compliments a precived as female). I also know they are holding back some - at least some of the time, but that's what we all do for training.

I've told some people that I've signed up for the men's division. One cis male friend told me that they would feel like they had an unfair advantage of they got out there and a "girl" showed up to fight, which would mean they would hold back, and/or a win wouldn't feel legit. Therefore I should stick to women's to preserve competitiveness.

They also suggested that I just do the girls first and if I kick all their asses then the men's. Worried that if I try men's and get humiliated it would be a bad learning experience. Somewhat valid. I am the kind of person who tends to go over board at first and then has to scale back. I get it.

But I also don't think athleticism is so black and white. Especially in BJJ at beginner levels. I don't know for sure though because I don't actually have any data, I can't find stories online of afab pre transition competing in bjj. I don't know anyone else. There are plenty of garbage articles about amabs in female devisions, and some good ones, but those don't really help me.

Anyway. I don't know where I'm going with this, just trying to sort out thoughts I guess.

I would appreciate advise, commiseration from any trans athletes out there in competitive sports who have experiences to share.

Love you guys.

14 comments

As (yet another) cis guy, I can't speak to what you're going through but I hope this story gives you some food for thought:
When I was younger I took Savate classes - French kickboxing - and there were a total of three people in the class. Groups were similarly small at the few places we would compete with, so everyone competed against the others in their weight/skill brackets regardless of gender. At one meet a guy mouthed off about having to "fight a girl" and our instructor turned to us and told us to watch closely, because the dude was about to get his ass handed to him. He was right, she beat him handily. She beat the next two guys she was up against as well, but those matches were closer and far more interesting to watch because at that point nobody was holding back; it was truly competitive.
On the ride back our instructor spoke to us about how that first guy had forgotten that these sports aren't just brute physical strength - speed, flexibility, awareness, wits, and adaptability are every bit as important. And that any person who judges their opponent before the match begins doesn't have the skills required to progress very far in a competition.
So whatever you end up doing, I hope you have a good time and kick some ass, though since it's BJJ maybe I should say flip it on them.
- Thank you for taking the time to share this, really. This does give me some peace of mind. ❤️ I still have much to sit with and process. Thank you for the encouragement either way :)
  
  💕

Every BJJ gym I’ve ever been to has always been open gender. I’m a larger guy and I’ve had my ass handed to me by a bunch of ladies (and smaller dudes for that matter). You seem confident in your skills, I see no reason not to compete with the men.
- Word. Thank you for the encouragement. It means the world.

Oh hey ugh I've been thinking about basically the same damn thing
I'm also afab, trans masc, enby, pre-stuff, etc. I did martial arts for 13 years and only stopped because I moved away from my school. Kills me a little.
The thing is, even when I was at the school I loved, I still had to grapple with disconnection between my gender identity and the way my perceived gender and sex interacted with the sport space. It's not that they were mean or exclusive to women, it's just that they inherently treated them a little different, and, well, my brain says I'm not a woman. Stop that.
Right now I'm having the same problem because I live near the coast and I really want to get into spearfishing. It's not that women are excluded, or even necessarily that they're intentionally excluding queer or trans people, but there's a hetero- and cis-normativity to these sport spaces that is so hard to penetrate.
I'm sure I could ignore my own gender identity and ingratiate myself with other spearos the way I did before realizing I was non-binary-- usually by acting innocent, accepting lots of help, and talking in a sweet, high voice. Basically, if I play to their expectations of how "females" work I'm sure I'll be included and eventually even respected. But... oh man do I not want to do that. And I can't approach it the "male" way either, because it would be so jarring and odd that they'd think I was like... A removed? Aggro? Etc.
Uggghh anyway I don't know how to help you (other commenter's are doing a better job of affirming and encouraging) but let me provide the component of: yes I see you, yes I feel you, yes omg it sucks
- Really, thank you for the commiseration. Sometimes I feel like such an alien, and it is so nice to be able to relate to someone else for once. It's tough to navigate these gendered spaces. It's like if you don't want no trouble, then you don't get to be true to yourself, but if you are true to yourself, people get all fucking weird. It's exhausting. I have found people here and there will just let me be who I am. It's so important to have those sanctuaries. Much love. You just sharing your experience has been very affirming and encouraging. Ty.

Trans woman here. I play roller derby and have previous ice hockey experience from when I was younger. Yet, I am nowhere close to being a top player. I held back, but it was to the detriment of myself and my teammates. I got my butt kicked early in training camp which helped me go from feeling like I needed to fit this imagined "femme, demure" box to giving it everything I had. I still have a lot I'm training on. None of this has bearing on my gender, hormones, or size. It's all about skill and technique. Don't let others tell you where you know where you deserve to play.
- Thank you so much for sharing your experience. "Don't let others tell you where you know where you deserve to play." I'm gonna keep this one with me.

I agree with what others have said here, I'll just add that the point of competition is to better each other. Even if you are at a disadvantage, which I don't really think you are at an amateur level, that just means you'll learn a lot faster. Losing can suck but I think that can be ignored as long as you're having fun and gaining skills.
- Yeah, I'm so with you on this. With the people I train with, there really is no losing, even if you technically lose a roll. Because every single time I roll, I learn something and I have a blast. We all rejoice in each other's victories, whether that means winning a match, or just succeeding on something technical we've been working on. It's the bomb.

I’ve completed on a Team USA women’s team with a no hormones trans man. They were very male presenting, but said they would never start hormones because they knew they would have an extremely difficult time competing with men. So they stayed on the women’s team, and we all were welcoming because they were a badass
- Badassery is badass. Y'all are badass for being a supportive team. ❤️
  
  I wish you luck in your journey! Competing at a high level already requires so much sacrifice. And there’s always niche drama and toxicity in sports that’s outside of your own personal obstacles.
  And I don’t have any experience in your sport, but that doesn’t matter much - Everyone deserves to be treated fairly.

14 comments